User talk:Tori Hivner/sandbox

1. First, what does the article-draft do well? Is there anything from your review that impressed you? Any turn of phrase that described the subject in a clear way? a) Food Coloring Draft: The article does a good job of describing the reasons that food coloring is used in modern times. The expansion is a rebuttal, and explains that food coloring is unhealthy. The author explained that food coloring can be extracted from plat proteins, and I found that very interesting. She does a good job of effectively communicating her points.

b) Food Choice of Older Adults: This article was expanded upon by including the leading causes of death among older individuals in the United States. It explains how the physical and mental states of older people change, ultimately affecting what they eat and their overall health. This expansion does a good job of explaining what happens to older people overtime.

c) Culinary Arts: The article expansion is well-developed, and includes a lot of information about how culinary arts is gaining popularity among younger people in society. I found it interesting that students are even attending vocational schools for culinary while still in their teens.

2. Are there sections in the article that seem unnecessary? Is anything off-topic? a) Food Coloring Draft: I think if the author reorganized her sentences, it would make the paragraph a little more concise. She should mention that food coloring can come from plant proteins before explaining anything. It is a little bit confusing in its structure, but the information is there.

b) Food Choice of Older Adults: Right now, it feels like the list of leading causes of death for elders is just thrown into the paragraph. It feels unnecessary, but if it were more clearly tied to food choice among older adults (such as how it influences food choice), then it would not feel out of place.

c) Culinary Arts: This expansion does a good job of explaining how education in culinary arts has changed overtime. I do not think it has much excess information, and I think it is concise enough about the subject.

3. Does the article focus too much on negative or positive information? Explain. a) Food Coloring: The point of the author's expansion is to provide a rebuttal for the use of food coloring. The original article focused primarily on the positive aspects, but her rebuttal focused on the negative aspects. Together, it rounds out the article.

b) Food Choice in Older Adults: This article focuses mostly on the negative aspects of aging, and how it affects the diet of older people with oral health issues. The expansion also focuses on the negative aspects of health and how it affects the diet.

c) Culinary Arts: This article focuses on the positive changes that have arisen in terms of culinary arts education. The original article section explains how schooling used to be, and the expansion explains the modern programs and options for culinary students.

4. Does the article draw conclusions or try to convince the reader to accept one particular point of view?Are most statements in the article connected to a reliable source, such as textbooks and journal articles? Or do they rely on blogs or self-published authors? a) Food Coloring: The article gives both sides of the discussion, including why food coloring is useful, and why it should not be used. Because it gives both sides of the argument, it does not necessarily persuade the reader in either direction– it just shows the pros and cons. The sources are from the Temple University library and are generally reliable. The inclusion of more sources would help to strengthen the article.

b) Food Choices in Older Adults: This article comes to a conclusion about how health complications arise from aging, and how food choices must be changed in order to accommodate to them. It also mentions that often, people do not want to accept a necessary change in their diet, therefore they do not change it. I feel that the article is meant to show that with age, there are "negative" changes that must be made, like opting for softer foods over ones with texture. There is only one source noted for the expansion of this article, and it is from the Temple University Library (reliable).

c) Culinary Arts: This article comes to the conclusion that getting an education in culinary arts is much different than it used to be. It notes the positive changes that occurred overtime, and shows how culinary students are exposed to a lot of things in the field before they are hired. There is one source for this article, and I believe it needs one more, just so it does not rely solely one. However, the source included comes from a database and is reliable.

5. Are there any changes you would suggest the author apply to the article? Why? a) Food Coloring: I would suggest finding a way to link all of your information together into a more concise paragraph. Right now, the information feels out of order, but if you rearranged some of the sentences, and possibly added a few transitions, it would be most clear. Overall, it is a good addition.

b) Food Choice in Older Adults: I would give the same suggestion for this article that I gave for the Food Coloring article. It looks promising thus far, but needs a little rearrangement for clarity.

c) Culinary Arts: This article addition looks really good so far. The only suggestion I have is to include another source so it does not rely solely on one.

6. Did you notice anything about the article you reviewed that could be applicable to your own article? Let them know!

Sadly, I could not really use any of this information for my article because I am writing about food in the MIddle Ages, but I enjoyed reading yours!

KarlyKerod (talk) 18:21, 25 October 2019 (UTC)KarlyKerod

Thank you for the feedback, Karly!

Tori Tori Hivner (talk) 00:06, 4 November 2019 (UTC)