User talk:Trask00/sandbox

I would proof read, some of the sentences were missing letters or commas. I would avoid words like "today" use a specific identifier like the year.

I liked how you presented the facts and added your own information in there that was neutral and more about the information itself.

Peer Review
The information that was provided came from reliable unbiased sources and was accurate. You did a good job of updating and adding to the information that was previously in the article. As far as any changes I would just go back through the citations and re-use the previous ones if it is the same source rather than re-entering it because it counts it as a new source, right now the same source is duplicated on the reference list.

Edixon426 (talk) 18:41, 6 August 2019 (UTC)

Dan's review
Malcolm, great job adding clear, direct, easy-to-understand, and source-based sentences to this Wikipedia article. As you revise, I think the one of the biggest things to think about is where those new sentences should be inserted. I like the Hawaii addition, but the additions in the first section could perhaps be moved around.


 * I like the addition about coral reefs providing supplying one quarter of marine life with food and shelter, but make sure you're being precise with the language there. The source says "perhaps one quarter" (note the hedge!), and it also notes that it's 1/4 of the species, not 1/4 of the creatures, which is a subtle but meaningful distinction.
 * I think there's a distinction to be made in your first sentence added, too. The source says "The greatest threats to reefs are rising water temperatures and ocean acidification linked to rising carbon dioxide levels" and your sentence says "Rising water temperatures during the seasonal shifts have been the main cause for coral bleaching." Primarily, I'm not sure how "seasonal shifts" got in there, or whether there's data supporting that (rather than rising carbon dioxide levels).
 * I'd also recommend returning that sentence to the beginning of the second paragraph, where it fits more nicely as an introduction to the various coral bleaching events that occurred.
 * I might also recommend moving your sentence about the Indian Ocean to the Indian Ocean section of the article (since it doesn't fit as well with the 2014-2016 framing of the paragraph that it's currently in.
 * Ted's point about repeating citations is a good one, too. When you re-use a citation, click the "re-use" tab within the "add a citation" tool on the visual editing screen. (I can show you this in 2 seconds in class if that explanation was a bit unclear.)

Overall, though, great researching, and I'm glad these edits will be live on the real Wikipedia soon! --Daniel.messier (talk) 19:25, 9 August 2019 (UTC)