User talk:Tristin Louise/sandbox

Review of your page
General: You do a great job of using clear and easily understood language which is important for Wikipedia's audience. You also excel at maintaining a neutral stance and not favoring one particular theory over another.

Intro
fixed.
 * who "knows" or considers crowd psychology as mob psychology? i ask because i have never heard this term used to reference crowd psych
 * you say "theories concern themselves" but this sounds like personifying theories. I think you are trying to avoid the passive voice here but it might sound better to re-structure this phrase
 * who is giving this topic "increased official attention"? be a bit more specific

Types of Crowds
fixed.
 * do you have any examples of "integrative social functions"?
 * it might be helpful to define/distinguish aggressive mobs a little more clearly instead of just tossing around a couple of examples
 * the last sentence of this section, which begins with "Crowd behavior", might serve a more appropriate function in another location, mostly because it doesn't really explain a type of crowd psychology

Origins of the Field
fixed, except the last bit as I have not read the original books and I go into the main theories later in the section.
 * have you considered moving this section to just after the introduction?
 * you need a final paragraph at the end of this section bringing the information together in a cohesive whole
 * try to avoid simply providing a list of writings on the topics-- maybe include their most salient points as well

Theoretical Perspectives

 * I really liked the way you incorporated the criticisms of each theory in order to remain objective

Conclusion
fixed. Tawhite2013 (talk) 02:00, 3 May 2013 (UTC)
 * add another sentence about the relevance of this topic and why it may be important to your reader
 * the See also section includes some seemingly random or extraneous links

Crowd psychology review

Introduction - I like your reworking of the intro to the article, and I like the addition of external links, but you might go overboard with a few too many links rather than just giving a simple introduction for the topic at hand.

Did not fix, as last wiki project really wanted us to link as much as possible. Types of Crowds -I like the addition and clarification of this section to crowd psychology -Maybe change “as in the sit-ins” to something less awkward -I like the divisions into types of crowds, but you might want to rework the second paragraph to flow a little better in terms of writing style

fixed. Origins -Great couple paragraphs, do a good job of explaining the history

Thank you. Gustave le Bon -I like the tone and writing of this entire section, not sure anything needs to be reworked here. I also never even knew about the The Who concert, that was pretty interesting

Freudian Theory -You have external links to Freud’s ideas, but assuming that not everyone will read all the external sources, you might want to simplify Freud’s ideas a little more for general wiki audiences.

Fixed. The Rest -I like the writing style and tone for the rest of the theories, the only thing I might suggest is to highlight the differences between the theories a little more. Some almost seem too similar, like they might be saying the same things.

They are rather similar, the main differences occur in the detriments to each theory, so I changed a bit around, but kept mostly the same here.