User talk:Trobi33/sandbox

Additional useful source: https://books.google.com/books?id=ye536hcsMwMC&pg=PA179&lpg=PA179&dq Trobi33 (talk) 17:34, 28 October 2015 (UTC)

Trobi33

I emailed your comments to Liam, but good job on the article!

Katelynnetherton (talk) 14:47, 27 October 2015 (UTC)

Trobi33

The first paragraph is kind of confusing to read. The grammar itself sounds choppy and is just confusing. Cite info from first paragraph. Cite first paragraph in origin section. This sentence is very confusing: Only four years after Group 8 appeared in Stockholm, forty-three Group 8's surfaced with about ten members each. A Group 8 of about thirty-five members eventually materialized in another Swedish city -Malmo. You just mentioned there were 43 new groups but then pointed out there was another group with 35 members. I would just say there were groups having as few as 10 members to as many as 35. Many countries had their own ways of going about establishing feminist equality in the 60s and 70s: I would say Other countries around the world were taking different approaches towards establishing feminist equality in the 60s and 70s. Watch for neutrality of argument in this sentence: Only 38% of women held jobs, and they were limited to teachers, nurses, and secretaries. Many women of this era were college educated, and felt exasperated that they were confined to the house. A group of women decided to found an organization to fight this gender discrimination called the National Organization for Women (NOW.) Cite that^ Too argumentative: This makes feminist presence pretty insignificant. Would say Sweden has achieved the most equality of all countries instead of On the other hand, Sweden has achieved the most equality. Doesn’t make sense: Although it was not the most effective, they still played a very significant role in establishing nondiscrimination policies. They made sure female columnists and writers were hired by the two major newspapers in Sweden, allowing for a feminist voice to be heard by just about everyone. : broad and what newspapers? Don’t say unfortunately: Unfortunately, Group 8 never became a consistently strong organization because they were more focused on class than on gender. Feminist Equality Comparison paragraph needs a lot more citation than just the citation at the bottom of the paragraph. Swedish Political Structure paragraph is good! Make the influence paragraph more fluiud, not just points about dates. Cite the dates in influence paragraph. Allielael (talk) 14:49, 27 October 2015 (UTC)