User talk:Uncle Bobs trippy news

1. A 30 year old man was found dead next to his trailer earlier this year in Texas. The cause of death was that he tried to commit suicide by gassing himself to death. However without realising what he was doing, in aim to relax he lit a cigarette which resulted in him bursting into flames from head to toe. In his panic he dived head first into a barrel of water, got stuck and drowned.

2. If you’re looking for a new investment vehicle and you already own land on the moon and a couple of stars it may be time to go all out and buy an entire parallel universe all your own. Yup, only $19.99 will get you your own fully customized parallel universe at YourUniverse.co.uk. “THIS IS NOT A HOAX,”

3. If you’re looking for a new life keep an eye open at eBay where you might be able to score a deal like the one last week which saw an Australian dude sell his life for a measly $6,000. Under the heading “New Life For Sale!!” 24-year-old Nicael offered to give you all his possessions (including name, phone number, surfboard, and a nice lamp which your ex-girlfriend bought you), teach you his skills (surfing, fire twirling, hand standing), introduce you to his friends (and eight potential lovers), and a slacker lifestyle which includes a part-time job delivering fruit, six jokes, and two months of on-call support.

4. A woman in Maryland was saved from choking to death when her dog gave her a doggy-style version of the Heimlich maneuver. After getting a chunk of apple lodged in her throat and beginning to choke, Debbie Parkhurst says her dog Toby “pushed me to the ground, and once I was on my back, he began jumping up and down on my chest.” That did the trick, dislodging the apple and saving the woman’s life.

5. A Cambodian woman who disappeared at the age of eight has been found after spending the past 19 years living wild in the jungle. Police said the woman was “half-human and half-animal” and could not speak any intelligible language when they found her. She was, however, able to be identified as Ro Cham H’pnhieng thanks to a large scar across her back which her father recognized. Not surprisingly, the woman is not interested in wearing clothes and hanging out with humans. “She prefers to crawl rather than walk...” said the district police chief. “Unfortunately, she keeps crying and wants to go back to the jungle.”

6. Astronomer Charles Lineweaver of the University of New South Wales speculates that the reason aliens haven't contacted us is that Earthlings are just too boring. He estimates that Earth-like planets around other stars would be an average 1.8 billion years older than Earth, so any intelligent beings on those planets would be so advanced that they would think of us as nothing more than bacteria. (New Scientist)

7. If you didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas you’re going to have to take matters into your own hands and head on over to Fleshbot.com where you can order yourself the George W. Bush Presidential Butt Plug. “This President will really f*** you up the butt. You’re already familiar with the sensation, so why not REALLY FEEL IT,” exclaims the ad copy on the site, which is helpfully accompanied by a cute little image of the four inches of plastic weirdness. They go on to promise that “with this fat headed, huge stub of a plug no ass is safe anywhere...invade an Iraqi, an Afghani, or even an Iranian when you want.”

8. Professor Greg Stock, a biologist and expert on the genetics of reproduction and ageing, told the world's largest ever gathering of fertility experts that the idea of having sex in order to have babies will be dead within 20 years. He predicts that human beings will take control of their evolution using emerging technologies to create designer babies while the "messy business" of procreation will be abandoned. "This is the beginning of the end of sex as the way we reproduce," he said, "We will view our children as too important to leave it to a random meeting of sperm and eggs." (London Express)