User talk:Underwaterbubble/Marguerite de Witt-Schlumberger/Stephensnightmare Peer Review

Great job! This is a tough article since it already has a great deal of information, but I think your contributions are helpful. Here are my notes:

On the Protestant Church section: Instead of "wives and women of the Protestant Church", it might be more clear to write it as "Protestant women and the wives of the clergy assumed..." In the next sentence, there's an extra space in De Witt-Schlumberger's name that needs to be fixed, after the hyphen. Also I would recommended opening that sentence with "In 1916, De Witt Schlumberger..."; In the third sentence, I would recommended removing the mid-sentence comma and rewriting as "...the religious leadership roles in the hope of inspiring the morale of women at home." The fourth and last sentence of the section could be rewritten starting with a stronger verb than "showed".

Section on letter to Wilson: I think this section is pretty solid, although you might want to add more details about Wilson's stance on women's rights to provide a little more context on his hypocrisy. This paragraph should be split up into one or two other paragraphs as well. "De Witt-Schlumberger responded for the last time after the end of the war asking..." - I think this sentence could be rewritten for clarity (example "De Witt-Schlumberger responded once more to Wilson calling on him to keep his word..."

Some general notes: As for adding more to the article, I would recommend outlining in more detail Schlumberger's strategy of leveraging French women's patriotism and war effort contributions for greater rights and access to treaty negotiations. Her work on pronatalism is mentioned in her intro, but there is nothing in the existing article on this. Pg. 19 in Siegel goes into detail on these beliefs and her views on maternalism. I noticed an error in the existing article as well - it states that she won the election to replace Catt as IAWC, but Siegel (pg.238) states that she lost to Margery Corbett Ashby.