User talk:Uniulstgrad/sandbox

First pass
General note on the citations. If they are to scientific papers these tend to count as primary sources. We prefer to use sources which discuss the paper where posisble. If there is a doi reference to the paper, so much the better because it creates a directly linked version

Future planning for adults with a learning disability
Lose "For many elderly carers of a relative who has a learning disability, planning for the future is a sensitive topic that many parents do not want to face."

Now look at the style of that sentence, which is an excellent journalistic sentence, and recognise that it is not the stuff of which Encyclopaedias are made. Go through the entire article removing anything like this which can be seen as pushing a non neutral point of view, and remove it or flatten the language into a fact which is reported from a citation.

Future plan
I shall only mention non neutral sentences in this section. Please take it as a given for all future sections. As an example, flatten 'A future plan is a desired plan for a carer’s relative who has a learning disability. It is about the person being able to live the best life possible, and should cover all aspects of well-being of that person. It should address dreams as well as fears, worries and hopes. Clarifying and sharing the desired future plan for the relative is very important, yet this is not always the case" so that t reports facts and doe snto express a desire for the future.

Look at "A clear written statement of the carer’s future plan will help the family to focus on their values, traditions and history. It enables key people to understand the relative’s perspective and invites the involvement of other members of the family.It also encourages others to understand what is involved and gets them thinking as to how they can help and suggests new opportunities for the family " and see how it has value in a "How To" guide.regrettably, however valid the material is, Wikipedia removes such text on sight. Précis it, flatten it, or lose it. And use that guidance throughout the rest of the article/insert

Housing
This feels like what we call origonal research. Please read that and consider how best to approach this section. When it doubt, cut, cut, cut. Less truly is more.

I note that this section is for the UK and NI. Smehow this needs to be emphasised in the heading. A subheading woyld do that. It leaves space for other nations then.

Funding
Same broad comments as for Housing

My comments carry forward to the remaining sections. I think this is a most excellent draft. I believe you have sufficient material for a freestanding article once edited. I fear the edits in some areas must be draconian.

Before it is completed you need to Wikilink to other articles. That is essential but can be your final step

I can see the level of work you've put in to this draft. Without that effort there would have been nothing to comment on. Please do not take my comments about the need to cut as a personal thing. I often write swathes of text before cutting back to the underlying good stuff. It is one of the best ways of working. Truly good work. You did far more and created a far better product that you implied when you asked for help. Fiddle  Faddle  14:18, 10 November 2013 (UTC)

Second pass
The Wills and Trusts sections add very little to the article on the basis that these are covered in other articles. The best approach is not to duplicate material, but to place them in a See also section, linking only to the articles concerned. I commend this approach to you.

I've requested a whole slew of citations to back some statement sin the article, and the edit summaries also have indications of my thinking. There is a solid general rule, "Where a statement looks like advice, or looks like the writer's opinion, however good the advice or valid the opinion, it has no place in a Wikipedia article"

Translating that, it means we may report on items but may never offer advice or give our opinion. If we do either there is the danger of the article being seen as a "how to guide".

I slimmed down the External Links section and formatted it correctly Fiddle   Faddle  10:02, 18 November 2013 (UTC)