User talk:Vacdy/sandbox

Observations
At a glance, this is a well-organized article. Nice use of contents, headings, and subheadings—information about the foundation itself as well as more specific details concerning the Financial Inclusion Program. The table of contents reads very clean, nice work. You have a fine selection of cited sources and external links. You link to other Wikipedia articles which helps with web traffic and could serve useful for those who lack prerequisite knowledge—this makes the article more accessible for those who may be unfamiliar with the foundation and its partners. In reading your article, I had no sense of bias or at any point felt I was being lead in a particular direction. Nice work.

Suggestions
Give your article a careful copyedit, there are some redundancies, repetition, and awkward sentences:

Repetition/Redundancy: -	 “Specifically, in the global south” -	Primarily in” -	Founded in 2006 -	Financial inclusion ( in the partners section)

MasterCard Foundation
“Its objective is to use their $2 billion endowment on Microfinance programs to expand accessibility of global economics to those who do not currently have access to it, and to give youth around the world, specifically in the Global South, new educational experiences and access to financial services and programs”

I would consider revising this sentence, maybe: “ the MasterCard Foundation uses a $2 billion endowment to fund microfinance programs that help members of the Global South become more involved in the global economy. Additionally, the endowment provides access to educational opportunities and financial services.

History
Suggested revision: “Founded in 2006, the MasterCard Foundation’s operations are based  in Toronto, Canada.”

Suggested revision: “ the foundation began as a board of directors comprised of two Canadian and five American members”.

I would eliminate the “ leaning heavily towards..” sentence as its relevance beyond a 2:5 ratio  isn’t clear. However, if one is to understand early operations were concentrated on American interests or the American directors used their votes to indirectly steer the foundation a sentence to clarify this should be added.

Suggested revision :“Since 2008, Reeta Roy has served as President and CEO.”

Financial Inclusion Programs
Suggested revision: “These projects are client focused with accessibility in mind. Moreover, projects offer opportunities for expansion…” < I am unsure if project expansion is contingent on anything, if it is, I would make that clear. For example, “Moreover, the projects’ scope can be expanded based on (financial etc.) success/necessity etc..”

Partners
The first sentence is awkward, specifically “ the foundation has many partners all over the world, in attempt to better financial inclusion including …”.

Suggested revision: The MasterCard Foundation has many partners around the world. Key contributors/ notable partners/ Etc. include: Opportunity International, One Acre Fund..”

This section feels less coherent than the others. Why are these specific partners (McGill UoT etc.) mentioned? Are they the only academic institutions affiliated with the project? Are they spearheading operations? Are they the highest contributors? Whatever the case, I would make it clear why these specific partners/entities are included and explored.

Why is the EFE explored in-depth and not others? Is it a flagship/celebrated project? If so, I would make that clear or not include it at all.

Scholars Program
Similar suggestions as the partner section. If Queens, Gondar, UOT, and UBC are key partners, say so.

Suggested revision: “ On February 3, 2017 Queens University and the University of Gondar and Queens announced their partnership to provide….”

Fund for Rural Prosperity
This is a strong section, very logical, clear and concise. Nice work.

Conclusion
It seems you have plenty of timely and relevant information to use for your article, all the best as you finish your project!

Tw3280 (talk)

Peer review
One thing that could use another look at is a sentence underneath Financial Inclusion Programs, underneath Partners, the sentence that says "in attempt to better financial inclusion including..." doesn't flow well. Another thing that could be looked is underneath Scholars Program, it states "primarily in Africa" a suggestion could be to find more places to list out and talk about. Overall, it was very well done. Good use of sources. The sources are up to date and still relevant. All references links work and all links in the table of contents work.

(Ajcutler (talk) 20:06, 2 March 2018 (UTC))