User talk:Valentinepsycho

When I saw ethan’s dodge turn into the parking lot. I ran, almost slipping on the ice. I flew thought the door, into his arms, and the warmth of his kisses. As we drove off I noticed Trevor standing there, watching. What I didn’t see was him taking down ethan’s license plate number. Rather than waste time driving to Reno to reach the interstate. Ethan chose a more treacherous route over the mountain into California. The highway had been plowed but not well, and even in four wheel drive, the tires spun a bit on the steeper stretches of icy pavement. Suddenly, ethan said “oh shit”. I turned to see ref and blue flashing lights coming up quickly behind us. “Don’t stop!” I commanded. Instead, ethan picked up speed, a bad thing to do in those conditions. My heart raced as we went sideways around a curve. ethan corrected, the truck skidded sideways. He turned into the skid, but too hard. “Hold on!” he shouted. It was the last thing I ever heard him say. I floated up into a cloud of white. Were we in California? “ethan?” I heard myself ask. Movement. “she’s awake.” Someone said. “Pattyn, can you hear me?” did they think I was deaf? “Where am I?” “Barton Memorial Hospital. You were in an accident.” Accident? The truck… “Where’s ethan?” silence. Where were the faces that went with the voices? There. I screamed at them. “Where’s ethan!?” “I’m sorry honey. He didn’t make it.” Didn’t make it? They couldn’t mean…. “no! he’s not dead! He cant be dead! I wont let him be dead! Oh god, not dead!” but he was, and so was the baby. Dead. Even that precious piece of ethan. Dead. All because of trevor. Dead. Trevor who called my mom. Dead. Mom who called my dad. Dead. Dad who called his good buddy the highway patrolman. Dead. Everything I loved. Dead. Everything I had to live for. Dead. Why couldn’t I be dead too? It was the least god could’ve done. I was in the hospital for over a week. They said my head had to heal. I knew it never would, not on the inside. Mom and dad didn’t visit me once. Dad had to work. Mom had a new baby to take care of. Bishop Crandall came by. He said with prayer and perseverance, god might one day forgive me. Might. One day forgive me. I didn’t want his forgiveness. I wanted him to let me die. But he wouldn’t even do that. No. he wanted to puish me for loving ethan forever. Aunt j was wrong, god wasn’t love, couldn’t be love. Because for me, love was a corpse. When I finally did come home, no one was allowed to speak to me. Dad had officially disowned me. He wanted me out. But I had no place to go. Aunt j’s was not an option. I could never look Kevin in the eye again. I only hoped he wouldn’t blame aunt j for the sins of her niece. His only son’s death was all my fault. The two of them needed each other more than ever, needed their own forever love to quell the pain of such loss. Jackie tried to intercede on my behalf, but dad wouldn’t listen, and mom knew better than to say a word. Dad had a new son. He didn’t need just one more daughter, especially not as obnoxious as i. and so, with nothing at all to lose, and not much to gain but revenge, I began to form my plan. As far as I’m concerned, my life is over. My one forever love has been snatched away, condemned by my own father’s rules to die, just because he loved me. I am without a home, without a single person to love. And after having discovered love, lived for a short while surrounded by love, that is too much to bear. I am a pariah, at church, at school. The few people I once called friends have betrayed me and caused the death of my husband, and our innocent child. And so they should die too. All of them. Dad. Bishop Crandall. Trevor. Becca. Emily. With the pull of a 10mm hair trigger, their lives will end at sacrament meeting. Such lovely irony! And when I finish there, I’ll hide in the desert, reload, and go in search of Carmen and Tiffany, who started the rumors. And Derek, just because. Plans made, im sitting on the hard cement railing of a freeway overpass. Legs dangling, I watch the unrelenting motion of normal people in daily transit. Mind-boggling how so many separate lives travel in such remarkable unison. Soul searching. I know that I will never squeeze into such a common mold. Brain racing. I struggle to reach a decision. God, whoever he is, only knows which way I’ll go. Heart breaking, I think that if dad, staring down the sight of a 10mm, would only tell me he loves me, I could easily change my mind…….. but he wont.