User talk:ValeriaPineapple/sandbox

Hello Valeria, While this section offers interesting insight in regards to some of the influence that plays in how Queer identity is formed in the Chicano/a community the piece reads a bit more like a paragraph in an essay rather then a section in Wikipedia. Remember that the entries on this website should be reading like an encyclopedia entry, rewording what you have should be enough for this though. New Rookie Editor (talk) 20:45, 26 April 2021 (UTC)

Comments
Good start, Valeria. It would help to know where and in which article you intend to add this. Also, I agree with the previous comments here. The tone is not encyclopedic. Language such as "As many people would agree" is not fact-based language. And the first line is on the vague side. Base your claims on the research itself using language like: According to a study by .... That way you are not using language intended to sway and are basing the claims in research. --Jbdolphin (talk) 07:33, 13 May 2021 (UTC)