User talk:Vinoyo/sandbox

Drea's Peer Review The article on Beyonce's performance at Coachella can use a bit of development. The performance itself is linked to the course material, as the participants based the display on Black Culture, the Black Female narrative, and messages that liberate black feminists. By the title and introductory sentences, it becomes clear what the article is truly about. Additional research into the subject could add much needed dimensions, allowing for the synthesis of subtopics and other sections.
 * Spelling & Grammar suggestions: Lower case F on Female, Lower case H & U for Historically Black University, Lower case T for the ( the Divine Nine Greek), Lower case R in royal. Revise for run on sentences and adjust tone to be less academic (flow not encyclopedic). Other than that great job & awesome topic!  — Preceding unsigned comment added by Dtoler11 (talk • contribs) 02:37, 30 April 2018 (UTC)

Jaela's Peer Review

I love the amount of material you have for this amazing performance and the breakdown of what was made important by Beyonce in her performance. This topic is very relevant to the class discourse and as you pointed out such as Ms. Adiche and Malcom X's famous speech, I think adding her Nina Simone dance break and interpreting that bit of the show will add to your already amazing work. I can't wait to see this finished, I loooove Beyonce.

Louis' Peer Review

Overall its well on its way to becoming a good wikipedia page! However the lead paragraph doesn't discuss everything talked about in the subheadings. It's evident what the topic of the article is and its relevance to our class. There isn't much that needs to be changed in your draft but I think mentioning that Chimamanda Ngozi Aichie and the specific quote of her work that you are referencing was originally used in Lemonade. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Vinoyo (talk • contribs) 22:50, 28 April 2018 (UTC)

Response:

Thank you Jaela for the response. I will do more research on her Nina Simone dance break and try to incorporate it! I love Beyonce too! Also thank you Louis for the comments. I will do my best to incorporate more of my topics/subheadings in the lead paragraph. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 184.191.158.8 (talk) 22:06, 28 April 2018 (UTC)