User talk:Vivikir/sandbox

Peer Review (3/19) - Varsha Prakash
Hello! My name is Varsha, and I am one of your peer reviewers for GPP 105.

Area Article: History of women's rights in South Africa

I think you have some really great ideas for how to improve this page, and effectively identified its current weaknesses. I also agree that it is problematic that an article of such length is based on a single source (which is hardly cited in the page), and think that the opinionated language can obscure facts and other perspectives.

In your sandbox, you mentioned that you planned to change the sentence:"While all women have been disadvantaged, black women have dealt with additional struggles due to apartheid." Your rewording has more balanced language, which helps this article become more encyclopedic. However, I noticed that your rewording took out the link to apartheid. I though that connection was important because it highlighted historic systematic discrimination in the country, so I would suggest either re-rewording your sentence to include the apartheid link or mentioning it elsewhere in the article. I'm also not sure what the source for your proposed sentence was, so it would be good to cite that!

You also included a paragraph (taken from "Women's rights in South Africa throughout history") that you are planning to edit. I think this section could use a lot of work, but I noticed that the language in the "Rights of girls in South Africa" section is even more opinionated and unsourced. I'd recommend working on this section in addition to (or maybe inlace of) the one you have currently identified, just because it is in even more need of attention.

Sector Article: Legal aid

I think the sentences you have write now are well-written and encyclopedic in tone. However, I'm not sure how you're planning to incorporate them into the article since there is no South Africa section. Your sentences all mention that country, so are you planning to create a new section in the article that's focused on legal aid in South Africa? If so, I think you have a good start. But, like I mentioned, I'm not totally sure how you're planning to include your edits.

Good luck with your Wikipedia pages! --Vprakash97 (talk) 22:55, 19 March 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review 3/21- Toshali
Area Article: History of Women's Rights in South Africa

I really enjoyed reading your ideas on how to improve this page. The one formal citation for the entire article appears to minimize the value of this informative article and the information provided from this one source appears to be through the lens of an opinionated author/writer, therefore your idea to mitigate this issue by adding more sources and neutral information is a great idea. Perhaps you could link this article to other existing Wiki articles on this topic to make a holistic article that includes sections which are heavily cited and neutralized.

Sector Article: Legal Aid

Your current additions are neutral toned and provide an unbiased reflection of legal aid in South Africa. Since the page is "legal aid" in general, I would suggest perhaps introducing a global lens to the page and making a section catered to South Africa in particular so that there is a relevant theme being followed on the page.