User talk:Vlebla4/sandbox

Vlebla4

•	The citations are not inputted right because the I can’t click on the numbers to bring me to the footnotes but I’m sure that is easy to fix •	There are some very detailed sentences which is great but there are also a lot of vague sentences. •	Make sure you are not being opinionated. You can find sources to back up the way you think but here are some examples of where you are being vague and opinionated o	The increased militarization of Guatemala has resulted in abuse and mistreatment of the people of Guatemala. Militarism spreads a perception of brutality and makes it easier to access weapons, which makes the rates of domestic violence against women go up.{1} Guatemala’s military has a hefty history of human rights violations.{6} Due to the Militarization murders, torture, and missing people became a daily reality for people in Guatemala.{3} Most findings show that in communities where there is army present tend to have more violence against women.{1} The Guatemalan military is also correlated with corruption. Recent records state that the government and military are often associated with criminal activity.{8} o	As long as you show citations for these thoughts it would be good but right now it looks like that's just your opinion and might not be the case for everyone •	After years of violence, dictatorship and conflict, Guatemala's public institutions are fragile. The justice system of Guatemala is weak and quite ineffective. Often proper investigations by authorities are not conducted. Only a minority of the reported crimes against women is bought to trial, and even fewer result in a conviction. → these sentences need to be cited and they still are somewhat vague (try citing these and adding more details about because everything is ineffective, weak, etc. find sources to show who it affects and how it affects people o	Or you talk about in the next sentence the statistics of women getting raped so just incorporate women are getting raped due to the fact that Guatemala’s justice system, public institutions, etc. are ineffective, weak fragile •	Many cases similar to these have not gone to trial. → Definitely a vague and just filler sentence. You can either delete it or suggest incorporating into the sentence before o	Many women lead to abandoning their cases because the stress and hardship put onto them. → Same thing with this sentence be a little more specific about the group of women that had many hardships put onto them and maybe list specific stresses or hardships they dealt with •	Without proper trials, investigations, and sentencing the violence towards women will progressively increase. → I agree with you but others may not and if you find sources to back this up then its great but because there are no citations for this source, this is just an opinion •	Discrimination in the justice system is one of the many problems women face in Guatemala. → this sentence is vague and opinionated. Find a source that shows that discrimination is a problem women face in Guatemala o	Honestly you might not even need this sentence because you explain in depth in the following sentences that discrimination is a problem without just vaguely stating it •	According the Nobel Women’s Initiative, women are often seen as criminals for trying to report a crime that was done by their loved ones.{13} The justice system discriminates against others race, class, sex, and ethnicity.{13} Discrimination is immense for women who are poor, migrant, young, lesbian and those that demand justice.{13} According to Borgen Magazine, there is a lack of female representation in the political system.{17} “There are only 12 women in the 158 member of Congress, representing the women who make up almost half of the total population.{17}” The justice system is also limited to people who do not speak Spanish.{19} There are laws that criminalize the abuse of women. The 2008 law against Femicide and other forms of violence against women has enforced people to treat women equally. The 2008 law addressed the private and public crimes in Guatemala.{19} → this is my favorite part of the entire draft. It is extremely detailed, specific, and relevant. Try carrying these types of sentences over to sentences I said were vague

•	Women in Guatemala must be more informed on their rights and have the courage to report the crimes committed against them.{17} → I know you cited this sentence but say according to …. Or … says “women in Guatemala…” because even though you cited it, it looks like you took information from your source and formed an opinion rather than showing whoever on your source said this specific quote or the person explained this specific aspect

Shannonbyouk (talk) 14:45, 27 October 2015 (UTC)