User talk:WWSP19/sandbox

From what I understand, you are working on Saint Joseph's Carpenter Society, PBCIP, and the Mount Laurel Doctrine. For information on the Carpenter’s Society, I would totally look on ProQuest because it looks like there are a few mentions of it on there under the Real Estate section. I would also assume that the Camden County Historical Society would have some decent information on the topic as well. Similarly, PBCIP has some information on ProQuest as well in the Real Estate section. It might be worthwhile also to get some contact information from the community partners we met with if you have any additional questions. They may be able to bring up a topic that you can add into the revision. For the Mount Laurel Doctrine section, make sure that everything you add is cited and from legitimate sources. You might possibly want to add more about the case and it’s ruling. What exactly started people to make this a court case? How have things changed (or not changed) since the doctrine was implemented? What you have so far looks good in terms of tone and neutrality. TheEagle18 (talk) 16:22, 16 April 2019 (UTC)

Since we were unable to discuss the topics we have chosen in class, I am uncertain as to what your topic is in its entirety. As it stands now, though, it appears that you have a lot of content about the Munroe Doctrine and planned sections for the PBCIP and Saint Joseph's Carpenter Society, however there are no citations for the text written aside from background knowledge of Camden. Also, how did the Munroe Doctrine shape the current system we see today? As for the other topics you have, both of which should be a subheading instead of body text, what are your plans for them? Are you recounting their history or what they do? Or perhaps do both for each? The text itself is neutral and is written in a manner corresponding to Wikipedia's guidelines, though there are times where you switch tenses. For example, the sentence "was an interpretation of the New Jersey State Constitution, and states" not only has a comma splice, but also switches tense. Watch out for that. Al the Minotaur (talk) 00:32, 17 April 2019 (UTC)

This feels a little more scattered than I expected, which isn't the complaint it might sound like: these are all great mini topics that will contribute to the page. I do think that the material on Mt. Laurel could be expanded to talk a bit more about its implications in Camden and beyond. Don't be afraid to cite Camden After the Fall! With the Carpenter Society material, be sure you're situation your reader in time: remember the phrase "as of April 2019" to help with that. Otherwise, much of this material is just about ready to make it into main space. Colbuendia71 (talk) 16:16, 26 April 2019 (UTC)

Overall looks pretty good. One thing that I would look into is some minor punctuation errors. I'm honestly not sure whether the comma in "SJCS also provides some education and assistance in the home-buying process to prospective homebuyers, in addition to their rehabilitation efforts." is supposed to be there or not, but it looks like it doesn't belong. Another thing that you want to look at is tense. "Some of the funding will also go towards Camden SMART (Stormwater Management and Resource Training)." Again, not 100% sure, but you may want to say something like "Some of the funding is planning to go towards..." or "Some of the funding went to..." Lastly, I would double check that you can use Wikipedia as one of your sources for the Mount Laurel Doctrine. Otherwise, besides the few minor fixes I brought up, it looks good. TheEagle18 (talk) 00:34, 1 May 2019 (UTC)

This looks fine to me. The Mount Laurel Doctrine section feels a little short for such an important document, however I see that it is an existing Wikipedia page so I understand the hesitation to provide additional information. I do think that a few things can be tweaked, such as the sentences, "Kris Kolluri is the current CEO. In a broad sense, their goal is to identify and advance economic development in Camden." If you could either make the first sentence combine with the previous one it would make it a little less choppy. Also, the second sentence is in the present tense and it could stand without the preface of "In a broad sense." Minor grammatical issues is mainly what you're dealing with at this point. Al the Minotaur (talk) 01:42, 1 May 2019 (UTC)

I concur with your other readers that this is largely ready to go. I was most impressed with your St. Joseph's Carpenter Society section as you managed to get sources other than the organization's website, which has proven to be a challenge for students in the past. However, your final paragraph there is unsourced, which just seems like an oversight on your part since the information is so specific. Other than that, let me know if you need help actually moving anything over. Colbuendia71 (talk) 19:14, 2 May 2019 (UTC)