User talk:Wallace-it-up

'Important- this is not'' an unblocking request. In the rare case you would like to unblock me, leave a note and I'll get back to you.'''

My experience with Wikipedia has had its ups and downs. I've used it so much throughout my life, editing it frequently with multiple accounts, and I've come to accept that perhaps it's not for the person I am at the moment. From when I first started using it when I was about seven, I've clashed with myself about it; it was common for me to ask myself both "Why in the world am I bothering editing an encyclopedia purely because it sincerely lacks information about my home country, despite the fact it is, arguably speaking largely a bureaucracy with 36 million editors and just 1,000 administrators, some of which don't particularly like or appreciate the good faith contributions I make, when I still suffer from cultural cringe and peer pressure considerably enough not to?" and "Why aren't I grateful for the opportunities I have to edit this enough, and why don't I fully respect the intelligent devoted volunteers who do?". Ever since I first got on wikipedia (where User:Walter Görlitz left me a really nice message), it has not been the best for my anxiety, which has led me to make decisions that range from well-meaning and helpful to outright foolish or bizarre. This is still something, as someone who had multiple accounts (only three of which were created with good faith) that divides me today. Although I feel confused, divided, and guilty about what has happened (I am truly, truly sorry for what occurred), I don't wish to lie any longer. After a few days' consideration I have decided to explain my whole experience of Wikipedia. The least I can do is to be honest with you people. Thus, everything below is true.

My Wikipedia experience
In October 2017, after just getting some of my cartoons published in a national newspaper, getting over one of my mates being quite horrible to me, donating 10 dollars to Wikipedia the previous year, and having learnt more about the world using it than I did at school, I decided to register an account on Wikipedia, specifically this one. I never really got much out of editing though, as I was busy with schoolwork often and self-conscious about being an editor. I only ever really made one page (CubaDupa), which is still a stub with my terrible writing on it, and fixed mistakes. I had several other account as well for no particular reason, as I was unaware that this was against protocol back then. I had also helped my friend make the User:Leavepuckgackle1998 account for him, which we initially used just to joke around by writing ridiculous stories about the owner, influenced by the Mighty Boosh. However, he never used it, and I only ever used this account constructively (except for its Userpage, which I loved writing all kinds of jargon on). It was around this time where I grew resentful of Wikipedia, mainly for its administrators having such a huge amount of power, and it making me seem boring and uncool. So, one day, I used my original account I'm writing this on to edit the Johnny English Strikes Again page to make it seem that it got universal acclaim, as me and my mates were seeing it for a birthday do. This was to entertain myself and my friends, who were going to see it for one of their birthdays. I had actually cited it, but from IMDb, which is not allowed (I soon learnt), but later (after it had been reverted) from completely unreasonable sources (such as a YouTube video with no correlation to the subject of the article. I posted a message on the User who had deleted my edits, User:Ravenspire's page, and asked why. He explained, but then I foolishly made other accounts to reinstall my edits, and posted several ludicrous and stupid things on his page, pretending to wish to mediate the conversation, for me and my friends' amusement. I was inspired by James Veitch mocking scam e-mailers in my actions. Universally I regard my actions in October 2018 today as such a stupid thing to do.

After I was blocked from Wikipedia, my mates laughed and told me it didn't even matter. I continued to use Leavepuckgackle1998, as my friend had never used it, and on here I made completely constructive edits. I contributed enormously to the pages such as the ones regarding Theo Schoon and the New Zealand flag debate, created the since-deleted article Do you do Poison? and was writing an article about the culture of Wellington, my home city. A few months ago I was able to get my account back, but did not mention Leavepuckgackle1998; I had no idea what I was going to do with it, but had half-decided to use it as an associate account like User:JamesBWatson (who incidentally blocked my most recently). Following my announcement I would never vandalise, I stuck to it, and I used both accounts for good purposes. However, I did create GreekDuke2 to upload a photo once, and I also made Justin's a mega hustler to entertain myself one night, against protocol.

It was around the beginning of last month where Wikipedia became a problem for me once again. Even though User:Jimbo Wales gave me Wikipedia and trusted me, I was beginning not to trust it like I should've. I often had disagreements with editors who reverted my contributions for no particular reason other than "space", and having particular trouble getting the Māori language place names on Wikipedia to be pronounced right, with many Pākehā editors who have no idea what they are talking about failing to listen to me and my sources. Despite all this, I was getting to addicted to it, and I spent a ridiculous amount of time editing Theo Schoon's page (which had been a stub before I got to it), before it didn't save, leading to everything being lost and me having to start again. I was devastated by this, and was also annoyed by the fact nobody had thanked me for doing it (which is a bit ridiculous for me to feel that way, but I would often be a lot nicer to editors than they were back). My mum and dad were quite proud of me, saying no other 14-year-old boy would probably bother doing something like that. I respect them for that.

After feeling incredibly bad about the fact I had two accounts, was getting addicted to it, still felt embarrassed about editing it, I thought stupidly it would be best to do a bit of vandalism with the old, discarded User:Justin's a mega hustler account I'd made previously, just to try and remind myself I didn't have to be so serious. So using this account I changed every reference of America to Canada?, and replaced is with could be. Why I did this at the time wasn't entirely clear to me at the time, apart from amusing myself. I always had the intention of reverting these edits before someone else did, which I failed at. I immediately realised that subconsciously the reason I'd vandalised again was to try and stop this scheme I had from running, and to stop myself drastically from getting addicted to Wikipedia. Now blocked on all accounts, I was able to get someone to unblock me by claiming I was on a public server whilst using the User:Leavepuckgackle1998 account. After narrowly getting away with this I actually truthfully promised myself I wouldn't ever vandalise EVER again, as I was, to be frank, scared shitless after the blocking. However, while I slept and was at school, the user who unblocked me and their mates met up with each other, did a CheckUser, and all my other accounts were blocked.

And here we are.

Conclusion, and what I'm going to do about it
Now I have been safely prevented from editing any article except this one, I'd like to first say thank you to User:JamesBWatson for doing it. It was right of you. I'm glad it's all over. I clearly was subconsciously motivated by a desire for all this to end, and to have a break, and thus I was actually relieved when I found out I'd been caught red-handed. Now I can finally relax, and trust myself to never let anything like this happen again.

As for my constructive editing, I did indeed feel like I made a large contribution when I worked on here, and that if I hadn't felt so frustrated and terribly anxious as a teenager I might've been able to continuously contribute properly. Now it is time to see if I can contribute from a non-editing viewpoint; If I ever want to contribute heavily again, as I did with Theo Schoon, I'll make my own work and submit it to another user for publication. I have no desire to be unblocked right now, or anywhere in the rest of the year. I need time to get use to the fact I have to stop wishing Wikipedia was accustomed to me and my antics, and that if I want to continue editing, I need to take responsibility, not screw around, and never feel self-conscious about it. I hope the editors, administrators and Jimmy Wales himself appreciate the fact that instead of screaming like a petulant child, I've written this entry to acknowledge everything I did wrong. In my defense I'm not a bad person, and, despite suffering from bouts of chronic guilt and despondency throughout the last three or so years, I know this isn't the case. I just struggled on Wikipedia, that's pretty much it. That is one of the few things my loved ones say I can improve on (apart from doing my homework more instead of editing Wikipedia so much!). This could well be the last you hear of me for the next 2 years, should no-one reply to me. Please leave your thoughts and opinions below, and I'll read and acknowledge all of them. I'm taking a sabbatical away from Wikipedia, and I will not request an unblocking request till at least Christmas next year, and possibly into 2021- and if I feel like I haven't trusted myself to do right, maybe even never. This is all about overcoming my anxiety and properly knowing when to attempt to return to Wikipedia, even if that takes many years. But for the sake of the Wiki I am well and truly prepared to wait, and I only ask that you, whoever you are reading this, knows that I am grateful for listening to this. Thus, if any accounts are made that you suspect are controlled by myself, you have my word this isn't true. Good luck with editing, my friends. Wallace-it-up (talk) 02:45, 2 August 2019 (UTC)

Talk page access revoked
Wikipedia is not a WP:SOAPBOX. I have revoked talk page access. Your rantings here are ludicrous. You've shown we can't trust your word, and you've had your second chance. This leaves you with WP:UTRS, I suppose. --Yamla (talk) 10:29, 2 August 2019 (UTC)

Please I want to talk to you Ever ground (talk) 12:15, 23 February 2022 (UTC)