User talk:WarrenC5

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Needs You!

………? And no PROF. OAK? This isn’t a good sign.

I don’t like the sound of this.

I had nothing to do with it, I swear! I was having my hair… uh… pierced, yeah!

Ready like a Bonesaw!

Oh, um, okay, well, I believe that my, uh, résumé speaks for itself, but, uh, I feel that…

Questions:

1. There’s an alien invasion! What do you do?

Hm… well, I’ll invariably end up doing something about it, but I’ve got plenty of time to faff about doing sidequests, so um yeah.

2. Do you like to noisily enjoy yourself with others?

I’m fond of music, but that doesn’t count.

3. There is a bucket. If you put water in it, how high will you put it?

There is a stupid question. If you ask it again, how many times will I step on the cartridge?

4. The road forks to the right and left. You’re told that there’s treasure on the right side. What do you do?

Why even bother? If they’re just telling people there’s treasure, somebody will have beaten me to it by now.

5. Can you sincerely thank someone when you feel grateful?

No, only when I feel ironic.

6. Do you occasionally consider yourself dull and overly cautious?

This is a boring question and there is nothing good to say about it.

7. Can you go into a haunted house?

Of note here is that the final option is ‘With someone I like.’ If there’s one thing I’ve learned from horror movies, it’s that this is the single best way to end up dead.

8. Your friend fails to show up for a meeting at the promised time. What do you do?

Burn his house down with extreme prejudice.

9. Are you a boy or a girl?

What does it matter?

You appear to be…

The sassy type.

Whoa, really? Man, they're running out of ideas.

You tend to be somewhat cynical.

Oh, so close! Replace ‘somewhat’ with ‘overly’ and you’ve nailed it.

Despite that, there is something appealing and lovable about you.

I like to think because of that.

But do you occasionally say something arrogant that angers others?

You know, I used to have a problem with that. But then I realized people aren’t stupid… masses of people are.

Do you make that mistake?

You know, I honestly don’t need life counseling from a Pokemon game.

Or have people called you conceited, vain, or selfish?

Not really. I couldn’t care less about appearances and suffer from low self-esteem… but maybe thinking I have low self-esteem just proves how conceited I am, and…

This could go on and on for quite some time, so I’ll spare you my insecurities… but maybe I just think I have insecurities to convince myself I’m not arrogant and…

So, no.

Have people said that about you? No.

Huh?

What?

You’re telling me to get lost?

That would actually be very nice. Please go about doing this.

Why, you… come here and say that!

Hey, watch that fourth wall! Breaking that’s my job.

…Gasp!

This is getting stupid.

…Sorry. I let my feelings run away. I truly regret this, really.

Ah, so that’s why I'm dong this.

Anyway, your cool and aloof attitude is what defines you.

Heh, I wish!

It makes you exasperating and appealing at the same time.

I think this is supposed to be some kind of confidence boost, but the fact that the game thinks I need a video game to boost my confidence just makes the whole thing sad.

A sassy person like you should be…

“Sassy” is an odd word choice for this, I must say. The Pokemon Treecko! This I can live with. Also of note: Placeholder background, or EarthBound? You decide!

This is the final step.

Who would you like to have as a partner?

For a partner, we’ve got a Squirtle named Floyd. Yay.

And no, I’m not naming the other dude Pink.

I was going to stop here, but now I won’t because I just discovered this emulator doesn’t have save states. Here’s where the game starts proper.

(The next few bits of dialog occur entirely over black screens)

…Where am I? …Am I dreaming this?

…Hm… what’s that… that sensation… it needs a name… how about… wind! I’ll try to think of a better name when I’ve got more time to mull over it later, but it’ll do for now.

…I hear a voice from somewhere…

…Probably the sidekick…

…

Hey. HEY. HEY, YOU THERE. WAKE THE HELL UP ALREADY.


 * A… Squirtle? The hell? Wait… What?

Why are the heroes always so lazy? My name’s Floyd, and I will be your plot-designated sidekick for this evening. Are you ready to order?


 * Talking… Squirtle… er………………




 * Oh, god. I’m a lizard. A tree lizard. What did I do to deserve this?




 * And I’m an amnesiac, too. This is stupid.


 * Er…


 * Well, whatever, I’m sure I’ll remember by the end of the game.


 * What did you say your name was?


 * Hold on, give the player a minute…


 * Um, yes, it would appear that my name is Trielo.


 * Nice.


 * Yes, yes, it’s a dumb name. Get over it.

Somebody, please! Help me!


 * Oh boy.


 * But… shouldn’t you be dead, then? Having a child and all? Last time I checked, you guys don’t live very long and-


 * (Shh! This is a no-biology zone.)


 * A huge fissure opened in the ground, and my Caterpie fell in! He’s too young to crawl out by himself! When I went to get him, I was attacked! They must be enraged by the fissure and out of control! That’s what I think.


 * Maybe you should go call the police… or something…


 * I’m not strong enough to fend off those wild Pokemon. What will become of my baby?


 * I’m gonna have to save the little bugger, aren’t I?


 * Oh, come on. You wouldn’t leave some baby to get eaten, would you?


 * Well, no, but… why is this my job? Don’t we have a fire brigade?


 * No.


 * Bugger.

Here's the game screen. Nothing's happening yet.


 * Oh, look. A pleasant little seed... thing. And money, too. What the hell is that doing there?


 * Hey! The little bugger bit me!

(Not pictured: Our little Sunkern friend gets the ever-loving crap beaten out of him.)


 * That was refreshingly violent!


 * That is just so wrong. How would a forest build itself off of a vertical progression? Is this thing a bunch of big slabs of ground stacked on top of each other? And even then one has to consider the origin of such a system. How could you even build-


 * It's generally accepted that our ancestors were more advanced than the cave paintings let on.
 * That's just stupid.

Level B2

Nothing to see here. Trust me, this is a thoroughly dull floor. Level B3


 * Berries. Lying on the ground. In the middle of a forest.


 * Completely safe!


 * But of course. After all, they're natural.


 * This is not a good thing. Where there's leveling, there's grinding.

(Not pictured (I could have sworn I got it...): Learning absorb.)


 * I'm a vampire!


 * Why am I such a low level? This natural disaster bollocks may have only started recently, but it's not like it's completely new. Have I just never dealt with anything before? What is my backstory, anyway?


 * Don't think too hard about these things. It's not good for the continued non-asplosion of your head.

Level B4


 * Mommy... Where are you? Sniffle...


 * Telegram.


 * Huh?


 * Well... it's like, you know, sometime on TV and stuff, you know, people come up to the door and say 'telegram?' And sometimes it's not really a-


 * Admit it, it was a dumb joke.


 * I don't see you doing any better.


 * Um...


 * Oh, yeah. Right, right. Your mom sent us to get you.


 * OK.

DUNGEON COMPLETE You're Winner


 * I don't know how I could ever thank you properly...


 * How about next time you get the police instead?


 * Didn't they break up?


 * (They got back together.) Yes, ha ha, cultural references are funny. Good job. But, seriously, get somebody qualified next time.


 * That'd be us.


 * ...Wait, what?


 * When Pokemon are in trouble, they send out a request for help (somehow...) and then some random strangers pop in and help. Quite frankly, this whole situation is entirely expected.


 * ...God dammit.


 * Um... Right, well, can I at least get your names?


 * I'm Floyd.


 * Name's Trielo.


 * ... Cool...


 * Hey, you managed to find someone who likes your retarded name!


 * You shut up.


 * Thank you! Floyd and Trielo!


 * I know it isn't really enough, but this is a token of our thanks. Please accept it.

-Oran Berry Get- -Pecha Berry Get- -Rawst Berry Get-
 * Thank you so much. Good bye.

(Not Pictured: Parent and child leave. Nothing special.)


 * ...So, what now?


 * It just so happens that I have a shack lying around and going to no good use.


 * How incredibly convenient!


 * (I'm inexplicably happy. Maybe it's got something to do with the fact that I don't have to sleep in the woods now.)


 * I'll show you around so the player knows what these things do.


 * It's where you get mail.


 * How astoundingly obtuse!


 * I want to help Pokemon. We should form a rescue team.


 * Wait, how does that relate to the mailbox?


 * They had to get the setup in there somehow.


 * Besides, I'm not really sure I want to...


 * But thou must!


 * Nope, not feeling it.


 * But you have to!


 * I suppose. It's not like they'll let me leave the dialog box.


 * Your planning is impeccable.


 * So, what do you think we should call it?


 * How about... Team Bugger Off?


 * No.


 * (Hmm... I know! I'll call it 'NOT DONGS' as an elaborate form of criticism!)


 * That's not criticism, that's irony. Irony of the unintentional sort. The kind of irony that takes your point and breaks it into a million pieces.


 * Damn telepaths.


 * Okay, fine. Let's just stick with the old standby of heavily layered, ham fisted meta irony.

-NAME GET-


 * And that's terrible.

And that is how Trielo and Floyd Began their careers together As a rescue team. The next morning...


 * Ah well. Back to bed.


 * Man, that was some party last night. I even dreamed that I was...


 * Well, damn. Ah well, it wasn't a very good joke anyway.


 * I guess I should go meet that other guy...


 * Where does he spend the night? We don't even have friend areas yet...


 * Well, that's about as creepy an answer as I'm going to get.


 * I would appreciate it if you didn't sleep on my front lawn. I'm trying to set up a hobo preserve.


 * Uh... heh... it's actually kind of a funny story... you see, uh, I was so excited that I uh, showed up at dawn and I guess I... uh... fell asleep... sort of... um...


 * Too many pauses. Indicates a lack of preparation. Try practicing in front of a mirror next time.


 * (What is this, English class?)


 * So, uh, we haven't gotten any job offers yet...


 * Oh, really? That's odd. You'd think we'd just started or something.


 * How could they have gotten our address?


 * The dialog box, everybody. Let's give him a big round of applause.


 * Who's sending these things out?


 * Already? Were you planning for this or something?


 * You always get one when you start a new rescue team. Hence the name.


 * I'm just saying that shipping around here must be really fast. Suspiciously so, even.


 * Let it go. It's just a game- you should really just relax.

GET EQUIPPED WITH: - RESCUE TEAM BADGE - TOOLBOX - PKMN NEWS


 * This rescue team badge is proof that you're in a rescue team.


 * Is there any potential for flagrant abuse of power?


 * Sadly, no.


 * Bugger.


 * We still didn't get any jobs... but maybe if I look again...?


 * Knock yourself out. You never know about those time/space transcending letters.


 * We apologize for the redundancy in this LP. We apologize for stealing Monty Python jokes.


 * Nope, nothing. Guess we didn't get any after all.


 * Twice in one day? Why do I get the feeling that we'll never see this happen again?


 * Let's see... free PlaceboBox 3000 when you sign up for cable... I may have won a free lobotomy... I'm invited to a wedding...

Oh! We actually got one...

BZZ BZZ BZZ! I HEARD ABOUT YOU FROM CATERPIE. PLEASE. WE NEED YOUR HELP. MAGNEMITE IS IN TROUBLE. A STRANGE ELECTROMAGNETIC WAVE FLOWED THROUGH A DUNGEON. AND IT STUCK TOGETHER MAGNEMITE AND MAGNEMITE... THAT ISN'T ENOUGH TO FORM A MAGNETON. IT'S NOT COMPLETE THE WAY IT IS NOW. PLEASE. WE NEED HELP.

MAGNEMITE'S FRIEND.


 * Do they really need to shout?


 * How did Caterpie manage to refer us? We never gave him our address. Hell, he doesn't even know what our name is.


 * Magic. To the map!


 * Wait... couldn't they just get another one and stick it to the other two?


 * I don't think it works that way.


 * Don't speak in all caps. It's rude.


 * I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT. BZBZBZZ!


 * Nevermind.


 * MY FRIENDS ARE IN THIS CAVERN. BZBZBZZ!


 * MY FRIENDS SHOULD BE ON B6F. PLEASE HELP THEM! BZBZBZZZT!


 * Hey, we actually get a goal floor. You guys have no idea how nice that is.

LEVEL B1


 * I got a rock. It's different from all the other rocks I could have gotten because I can throw it.

Level B2


 * We start right next to the stairs. That's some intelligent level generation right there.

Level B3


 * We actually have to eat? Curse you, realism!

Level B4


 * LOOK AT ALL THIS INTENSE CRAWLING ACTION.


 * Erm... a winner is me?


 * ...Bubble? Seriously?


 * It has its uses.


 * Doesn't change the fact that I'm killing people with goddamn bubbles. I can't tell if it's lame, awesome, or just plain stupid.

Level B5


 * Almost done here.


 * Thank god.


 * Something about this is phenomenally idiotic, I just know it.


 * It makes you fall asleep? What a strangely specific effect.


 * Not to mention 'throw to feed.' That... that's just plain dumb.

Level B6


 * I hope nothing inconvenient happens in the next five seconds.

DUNGEON END You're Winner


 * Whaddya know. It didn't.


 * Wonder how long that'll last.


 * YAY! BZBZBZZZT!


 * YAY! BZBZBZZZT!


 * BE THANKFUL, YOU TWO.


 * YOU ARE OUR HERO.


 * Wait, which one of us?


 * It's not like we really even did anything. We just brought them out and they kind of... unstuck themselves.


 * Yeah, why did that happen?


 * NEVERMIND THAT. TAKE OUR MONEY.

GET EQUIPPED WITH: - 500 POKE - REVIVER SEED - RAWST BERRY


 * I'm just glad it didn't turn into a screaming metal deathtrap.


 * Yeah, that's about what I meant.


 * I'm sure we could all use a little rest after that grueling 5-level dungeon.


 * The accumulated filth of all their violence and getting trapped in caves will foam up about their waists and all the small children and politicians will look up and shout "Save us!"


 * And I'll look down and whisper "no."


 * But then I'll hang my head a little... maybe give a resigned sigh... and I'll call down, "Hold on a minute; let me get my coat." Because, all things considered, I'm still not a total dick.


 * You done?


 * Yeah, I'm good.


 * .........zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......Flashback.....zzz...hyna...hun...Rhino Feeder..........zzzz.....


 * Yeah... I think... I dreamt I was in EarthBound again...


 * Oh well. Guess I should check the mailbox...


 * Pity.


 * I suppose I'll just check out that newsletter thing...


 * There is no way in hell these guys are that advanced.


 * Or not. It's kind of hard to tell. I don't think time is very rigid around here.


 * 1 day is exactly equal to 1 dungeon. That's all you need to know.


 * So, anyway...


 * No.


 * Oh. Okay, then.


 * Well, we can always wait and see if another delivery comes in.


 * What?


 * You know, like last time? The mailbird came and dropped off some stuff? After we had already checked? You remember!


 * No idea what you're talking about. The mail only comes once a day. No, we have to go check in town.


 * Wait, what?


 * There's some shops, and then to the south there's a training dojo, a pond to the north, and over to the east there's the post office.


 * Wait, but... how did you manage to build a city... with the... and... I mean... sure, there've been signs- the money, my little hut thing over there- but...


 * Nevermind that. Let's just take a look around.


 * Where did those brick... box... things come from?


 * Where's he keep it all? In that shack? That poorly protected shack over there?


 * Oh, you're money's safe. It's got a door; it's literally impossible to get in.


 * That just makes it even worse.


 * Link...?


 * Hey, I don't know much about the game mechanics, either. Ask the owner about it.


 * Uh...


 * Oh, right. If you fail a dungeon, you lose all your items and money.


 * Why?


 * Well, they need to punish you somehow.


 * No.


 * What're you...?


 * (I'm adopting a persona to deal with my inner insecurities about meeting other people.)




 * You just wanted to wear the poorly drawn hat.


 * Don't diss the hat.




 * ... Yes.


 * ... Anyway, the post office has rescue jobs posted outside. Let's just head over.


 * Hold on. I want to talk to the NPCs.


 * I don't know why, but there've been many natural disasters lately.


 * Uh... yeah, we noticed.


 * A lot of Pokemon have gone wild and violent because the disasters scared them. It's a mean world out there.


 * Perhaps this is God's form of retribution for-


 * WILL YOU STOP THAT?


 * Ugh. Fine. (Spoilsport.)


 * I heard that.


 * I hate telepathy.


 * Pardon? Oh, the Pelliper Post Office? The Pelliper Post Office would be... straight down this path. It's out at the cape. You can't miss it.


 * (How'd she know where we wanted to go? And why'd she think we needed directions?)


 * (You get used to it eventually.)


 * There was a forest fire not long ago. It was terrible. Luckily, Blastoise and Feraligatr were able to blast it quickly. But it could have been much worse if they were slower getting there.


 * Guess it's a good thing they took that turn at Albuquerque.


 * I still don't know about trusting the mail to seagulls.


 * Pelicans.


 * Whatever.


 * Well, I have to admit, it certainly does seem to say "PELLIPER!" And by 'say' I mean 'beat you over the head with.'


 * Rescue jobs are on the left, next to the babysitters and used guitars.


 * So, I just go up to it and...?


 * Just try it. The menus are self-explanatory enough.


 * Let's just grab all the Thunderwave Cave jobs and head out.


 * Aw, he's trying to look tough while he begs for help. That's so cute.


 * That's... actually pretty urgent. Huh.


 * While the crying is understandable, I don't get why he has to write it down.


 * So, uh... you think we should head out?


 * Let's stop in town first, then we'll go.

MORE COMING SOON YOU POSTEL!