User talk:Wattersac

Welcome!
Hello, Wattersac, and welcome to Wikipedia! My name is Shalor and I work with the Wiki Education Foundation; I help support students who are editing as part of a class assignment.

I hope you enjoy editing here. If you haven't already done so, please check out the student training library, which introduces you to editing and Wikipedia's core principles. You may also want to check out the Teahouse, a community of Wikipedia editors dedicated to helping new users. Below are some resources to help you get started editing. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to contact me on my talk page. Shalor (Wiki Ed) (talk) 14:33, 24 January 2018 (UTC)

Feedback
Nice work on your draft, but you could do a better job of highlighting his contributions - his advocacy for mine safety probably comes up sooner in the lead. Something like this (though hopefully you can phrase it a bit better):

Pay attention to the regular sections that appear in a biography (have a look at the brochure I linked to).

One thing though - you need to find better sources. You should be relying primarily on independent third-party sources, not ones that have an interest in being promotional (like press releases or bios at his alma mater). His publications look pretty significant - can you find reviews of them, or something like that?

He's a major figure - make sure your readers know that. Ian (Wiki Ed) (talk) 19:45, 20 March 2018 (UTC)