User talk:Wez12121986midgley

((Stu and the Dumplings))
Band. Genres: Comedy rock, punk, metal, psychedelic.

Members: Stu Boyle (vocal grunts and Connor's banjo, wanted to learn to play guitar by 29, is currently 35) Neil Nicholson (dancing and also Connor's banjo) Wez Midgley (random interjections and Connor's banjo) Connor Warwick (anything camp, supplier of cream for chef's arse, also drums but who cares) The twins (guitar (glasses) and bass (no glasses)) Albums: The Great Gaza Streaky (bacon) - a concept album about a trip to the Gaza Strip, where the band members discover that bacon - and other pig related products - along with sexual harassment in the workplace, date rape and comedy rock bands can bring about peace in the Middle East. Jozagon - The soundtrack to the cartoon movie of the same name about a giant lemon African dictator, although, is really the diary of a young boy abused by his alcoholic stepdad. The Gentle Rapist - The soundtrack to the short movie, satirising rape culture and modern masculinity.

Singles: Bacon gives you cancer (and we don't care) - moving away from the politics of the 'Great Gaza' album, and instead a celebration of eugenics and an assault on modern medicine and it's role in over population. It doesn't matter if you're brown or red (so long as you're not mayo) - a little ditty about the damage racism and religion have reaped upon the Middle East. Fuck that shit. Medallions of honour (it must be Wednesday) - named after the pork medallion and blue cheese sauce dish that brought about peace in the Middle East and has since become a medal, representing peace, back home in Britain (not available in Scotland, where they have the medal of Irn Bru, which brought peace to Glasgow for 37 minutes one Saturday night). Too many sweeties spoil the children - Fucking sugar. Also, a song about a little boy stealing (which is very, very naughty) sweets from the local corner shop and receiving two broken ribs, as punishment from his step Dad. Washout the stains of love - a song about 'the gentle rapist' washing away the evidence of his wrong doings. Always practice safe sex - A song about how great condoms are if you don't want a baby, gonnorhea or to have a DNA sample used against you in court.

Controversies: After Connor announced he would be leaving the band - to gain an education and perhaps one day, write some proper songs - Wez hired a hitman to kill Connor. The hitman fell for Connor's boyish good looks and Wez retired to take up a solo career. The band were also banned from every county in Britain except North Yorkshire and Suffolk after comments about the a Royal Family - fucking Wez.

Wez12121986midgley (talk) 15:46, 20 June 2017 (UTC)

((The Great Gaza Streaky (Bacon)))
Album by 'Stu and the Dumplings' A concept album about a trip to the Gaza Strip where the band discover that bacon - and other tasty pork products - sexual harassment in the workplace, date rape and comedy rock bands can bring about peace in the region. Rated 10/10 by drummer Connor Warwick.

Track listing: 1. The Great Gaza Streaky (bacon) - 6:18 - a sprawling spoken word epic, exploring the content you will hear in the following tracks. Pretty much renders the rest of the album pointless, but you know, it's all fun. lovely, tasty, bacony fun. 2. Bacon gives you cancer (and we don't care) - 5:00 - Yay for eugenics. Boo for modern medicine and overpopulation. 3. Vegan bacon (what the fuck) - 2:24 - as the title suggests. What the fuck is the point? 4. Piggy in the middle (Connor's reprise) - 2:26 - The story about, how,on the bands landing in Israel for the first time, Connor was mobbed by handsome men with less skin on the end of their penises than he was used to. A similar thing happened when the band - after a night on the strip - went to the state of Palestine. Hence the squealing piggy. 5. Scratchings in the night (Porky delight) - 2:20 - you know when you go downstairs for a snack at three in the morning? And there's nothing but pork scratchings to eat? This is a celebration of how fantastic those moments are. 6. Don't look back bacon in anger - 5:30 - Isn't bacon great? Exactly! Savour the moment. Stop being an angry piece of shit and eat motherfucker, eat!!! 7. Smoked. Cured. (All our problems solved) - 1:43 - This was the turning point on their trip. The moment the band members realised how to solve their problems. All of them. 8. It doesn't matter if you're brown or red (so long as you're not mayo) - 4:56 - An attack on racism - very intelligently) using the argument all British people have had about 'brown sauce or ketchup'. 9. A nice firm sausage (Connor's reprise) - 2:10 - That moment when Connor realised he enjoyed the attention and admitted to his homosexuality, flew back to Britain and married his best friend Tom. 10. Medallions of honour (it must be Wednesday) - 2:55 - The dish that did it. It simultaneously filled their bellies and brought about peace. A shame Connor missed it really?!? 11. The power of bacon - 3:20 - Indeed!

Controversy: The album was seen as very controversial by large portions of the media, with most boycotting it all together. Probably because the media is primarily owned by the Jews, but hey ho.

Reviews: 'Brilliant. Satire at it's best.' - Sue Hook 'I could wear the t-shirt as a dress.' - Eve Gittins 'The medallions are delicious.' - Katie Walker ' It brought peace to my region of the world and has enabled me to marry a rich Jewish man.' - A Palestinian lady 'So thankful for this album, for allowing me to explore my homosexuality and the tasty anatomy of a pig.' - Connor Warwick

Band members: Stu Boyle (vocals, plastic tubs, frying pan and Wooden spoon) Neil Nicholson (vocals, towel flicking, wok and ball of elastic bands) Wez Midgley (vocals, glassware, crockery,metal spoons, slapping Connor's arse and rolling pin) Connor Warwick (vocals, drums, running water and splashing water, camply at other band members)

Wez12121986midgley (talk) 17:25, 21 June 2017 (UTC)

((Jozagon: The soundtrack))
The soundtrack to the cartoon, movie of the same name. It follows the story of Jozagon, an African dictator who also happens to be a giant lemon with sunglasses on. It turns but to be a story made up - by a nine year old boy - to suppress the emotional baggage of sexual abuse, by his father.

Track listing: 1. March of the giant lemon - it burns! That's lemon juice in the eye. This is the aural equivalent of having lemon juice squeezed directly into your eyes for a little over 8 minutes. Fantastic! 2. Kumquat uprising - kumquats shaken in ice-cream tubs? Who knew that was how the revolution would start?!? 3. Orange squash (dilute for peace) - pouring a glass of cordial, adding water and ice whilst chanting 'dilute for peace' 6 times. I don't know what kinda shit would go down if there was only barley water left? 4. Diary of a pink grapefruit - it begins with a pink grapefruit hitting a wall and getting shot at by lemons with submachine guns. Why did Britain sell Jozagon weapons? Why is this allowed to happen? There is no wonder, this pink grapefruits family became so bitter. 5. Too many citrus fruit spoil the punch - the moment when Jozagon lost control of the empire of Aybil. He was subsequently turned into limoncello and the citrus fruit of Aybil lived happy and drunk for evermore. 6. Punch bowl blues - a lovely little ditty about life itself. 7. A moments silence for Jozagon - 4 minutes of silence 8. Punchdrunk blues - 3 minutes, 8 pints of Fosters, 2 shots of Absinthe and 1 shot of pineapple hot sauce followed by 1 minute of vomiting and 1 minute 14 seconds of crying. 9. Too many sweeties spoil the children - sugar is bad for your teeth and your pancreas. Stealing is just bad. Yelled the boys father. Moments before he hits him with a belt. 10. Diary of a bastard child - Daddy called you a bastard, you google search 'bastard', you cry yourself to sleep. 11. Orange squash (to dilute the pain) - pouring a glass of cordial, adding water and ice. The word pain repeated countless times with dilute shouted at the end. 12. Which 'metaphorically speaking' citrus fruit did Daddy touch? - The lime maybe? 13. March of victory (Daddy on trial) - It is announced that Daddy is going to prison. The boy walks home with pride that night. Pride and a drumbeat. 14. A moments silence for Jozagon - Another 4 minutes of silence. Probably to contemplate the masterpiece you've just heard. It will, no doubt, inspire you to go out and buy the vinyl as well, only to realise it doesn't exist.

Controversy: This album release saw the band sued for £2,000 for drinking all the beer.

Reviews: 'What the fuck, Wez?' - everyone '1/10' - Stu Boyle 'I think we were pissed' - Neil Nicholson 'I know nobody likes this album, including the other band members. But, for me, this is a creative masterpiece, a misunderstood teenager in a world of pensioners. An aged whisky in a world of cheap, rose wine.' - Wez Midgley 'I agree with whatever Wez says.' - Connor Warwick (note: Connor was naked with a knife pressed against his lubed, hard, penis, when he gave this review)

Wez12121986midgley (talk) 20:35, 21 June 2017 (UTC)