User talk:WikiforPH/sandbox

Feedback - July 2019
Hi ! Here's some feedback for you about the contributions in your sandbox:
 * For internal consistency, Wikipedia has a Manual of Style that outlines some formatting guidelines for articles. For section titles, they should be written in Sentence case rather than Title Case. So instead of "Abortion Costs in the United States", it should be written as "Abortion costs in the United States".
 * You have what's called an "external link" in the body of the article to "National Network of Abortion Funds". Generally, external links don't go in the body of an article, but can go in a section under references called "External links". Since it's already in the External links section, the external link should simply be removed from the lead. Same goes for "Abortion Support Network"
 * The structure could be rearranged somewhat. The lead (paragraph(s) that are above the table of contents) should be a synopsis of the rest of the article and not contain any unique information. Right now, though, the lead contains much novel information that is not present in the body of the article.
 * Because the lead is not the synopsis that it is supposed to be, it contains uncited information. This should be cited or removed.
 * You did a great job of adding references to the Costs section, which was previously uncited. However, I note that there is a missing citation after which can further increase costs for the procedure and for travel to clinics that offer abortion at later gestation. If the citation used previously in the sentence applies to the whole sentence, then it should be cited at the end of the sentence. Otherwise, add in a new citation at the end.

I know that pretty much all the issues I've pointed out are a hold-over from the article as it currently exists, and not your doing. All the improvements that you've made are greatly appreciated and would be a welcome addition to the article. My intention was to point out further areas for potential improvement if you'd like to keep working on the article. Thanks, Elysia (Wiki Ed) (talk) 18:13, 19 July 2019 (UTC)

Feedback - March 2020
Hi. This edit to the Hyde Amendment lead generally looks good to me. The only real issue I see is that, as a summary of the article, the lead shouldn't include any claims that aren't already in the body of the article. The article doesn't mention the Indian Health Service, Children's Health Insurance Program, and the "just over 50%" figure.

Don't know if you noticed this, but in the time between when you drafted this and now, someone else has edited the lead here (noting that it's "atrocious"). Would probably be worth considering this edit before moving forward.

Finally, remember to make use of the edit summary to explain what you're going for. If possible, a short summary of why you're adding/removing/changing various parts goes a long way to help people understand and avoid unnecessary discussion later.

Oof. As I read through this article, it certainly does need some work. Some glaring issues like the whole "2017 Failed amendment text" section, with its odd phrasing/italics and sourced only to The Blaze (which doesn't verify the content of the paragraph and isn't a great source for this anyway)... --Ryan (Wiki Ed) (talk) 17:44, 10 March 2020 (UTC)