User talk:WinterSpw/Pioneers in Engineering

Hey there, I just wanted to offer some feedback on your draft. The lead is still a copyright violation. Compare this content:

Pioneers in Engineering (also referred to as PiE) is a UC Berkeley non-profit student-run organization that aims to encourage STEM in many underserved high schools located within the San Francisco Bay Area by providing students with the resources necessary to design and build functional robots to compete in an eight-week long robotics competition.
 * Article

Pioneers in Engineering is a student-run organization that aims to encourage STEM in many underserved high schools in the Bay Area through an exciting 8-week robotics competition. Requesting only $100 per team, we provide a fully-fledged robotics kit designed and developed in-house, as well as trained college student mentors for each team.
 * PIE website


 * 1) Check other content as well for close paraphrasing.
 * 2) Keep in mind that Wikipedia is viewed by individuals on a global scale; others may not know what "UC Berkeley", "non-profit", or "STEM" refers to. Explain what a "robotics competition" is.
 * 3) Remove embedded links and table list of participating schools; not sure why you have listed the schools, when merely stating "More than 20 schools have participated..." Keep in mind that Wikipedia is not to be used as a directory listing, which this appears to represent. Not saying the schools don't belong, it's just that the article at this point, doesn't show the relevance.
 * 4) Watch your wikilinks; STEM doesn't appear to link to the page you think it should.
 * 5) Remove the "See also" section; those links are already used in the article.
 * 6) The "Sources" section is unnecessary; not sure why it is there; see WP:LAYOUT for assistance here.
 * 7) Under "External links" use only  (Open editing window to see how I formatted the link.); we don't add multiple links when they are included on the organization's website; never add wikis (see also WP:ELNO)
 * 8) Above all else, you need to clearly state in the lead section, how and/or why this organization is significant and important. What sets it apart from other student-run organizations? Bottom line, you need to show significant coverage in reliable and independent sources. See also WP:ORG. Lacking a credible assertion of significance or importance, may result in speedy deletion if the article is transferred to the mainspace prematurely.

Keep in mind that the AFC project has participants with varied levels of experience. If one editor passes of the article and transfers it, this does not mean that the article is "approved" for publication. There are also reviewers that participate in patrolling new pages. I only mention this, because the process often confuses people that think their article was "approved", only to discover that another new and/or inexperienced editor "passed" the article prematurely. And the article creator ends up irate when the article gets speedy deleted. I'm here to help. If you have questions or need help with anything, please don't hesitate to contact me. Seriously, I won't bit. Best regards, Cindy  ( need help? ) 11:44, 4 April 2013 (UTC)