User talk:Xiaoqiao12/sandbox

Kasey, even though I sent out a reminder about the "Evaluate an Article" assignment via email, it looks like you never did it. Please pay close attention to the deadlines for project assignments found in your syllabus so that you don't lose points. Elyssafaison (talk) 17:22, 3 February 2019 (UTC)

Instructor comments March 14
It is not clear what is meant by “afterwards Nakajima Toshiko”. What does “afterwards” refer to? I know this is how it appears in the original article you are editing, but this looks like something that needs to be clarified. BIOGRAPHY: what does it mean to grow up in a “sound” merchant household? Perhaps reword to make your meaning more clear. Also in this section you claim that “women coined the term ‘good wife, wise mother’.” This is untrue. The phrase was not coined by women. In the next paragraph, the word “unbeknownst” should be “unknown”. In that same paragraph you say she “took on the reform movement full time”, which is awkward phrasing. As you think about rephrasing it, also consider being specific about WHICH reform movement she was involved in. I am sure the Popular Rights Movement is discussed in detail in the Sievers book you are using. There should probably be an article on that movement in Wikipedia you could link to, also. “spoke out against the inequality of women” is awkward phrasing. Popular Rights Movement, not “popular-rights movement”. Finally, you will need to end your article with something about her death. I am sure your sources say some things about her death, since she was ill after she was released from jail and died at a young age. As we discussed in class, you will need to fix many of the notes/citations (especially the ones that say simply “Kishida” followed by a page number. We don’t know what this source is. Elyssafaison (talk) 03:14, 15 March 2019 (UTC)