User talk:Yangjulie/sandbox

After referencing the Nisenan Article, it seems like the majority of your additions is concentrated around Customs so that's where I'll concentrate my peer review, for Birth Customs, You need to add a citation of where you got that information from. Also maybe try and find information on why there were so many stillbirths to the point cradles weren't even made until after birth whether it is a theory proposed by a historian or historical figure, maybe there was inbreeding custom that leads to stillbirths, Just having a sentence doesn't make it worth having it's own section. If you can't find the extra information I would just try and add the sentence to another section. Expand on the first sentence of the marriage customs, at what point is it an "older custom" before Europeans or what because right now you are saying The couples planning to marry make the marriage arrangments, but parents made the marriage arrangements in older customs which is slightly vague and the way you wrote it is confusing. The rest of the section seems to be about the older customs of what the parents do, and then the education of the couple planning on getting married, but I was expecting something about the apparently new customs and the old customs. Good job on the education of the couple section, I would reword couple nights into an unknown number of nights or something more professional though. Nothing of note in the Death Customs, good job on citations. Overall perhaps work on rewording into a more professional voice. Adena Park (talk) 18:30, 23 March 2018 (UTC)