User talk:Zephrine

We understand what you do, but this is not reward that we seek. Truth is understanding relentless, for ice or fire.

An open letter to my fellow editors, I am sorry to have lashed out this way and I hope that in time I can return to productive editing and regain the community's trust, though I do not intend to make a formal unblock request so soon and I personally still need time away from the project. I do not yet feel I am ready to return to editing and maintain the calm demeanor that is needed to cope with editing stress and I accept that I have handled this incorrectly by using multiple accounts. I would request that Seraphim System's talk page access be restored only so I can have the option to file an unblock request in the future. Pinging who revoked my talk page access. I want to apologize to, and the community who I have let down and I hope one day I can be allowed to return to productive editing. Zephrine (talk) 21:59, 15 March 2019 (UTC)
 * To make things clear, this concerns Sockpuppet investigations/Seraphim System/Archive--I had to look around for a minute. Seraphim System, you are of course evading your block in a way by using this talk page, but as long as you are making a good-faith effort to be constructive I don't have a problem with it., I'll leave it to you to decide for now on how to proceed: we can restore TPA on the main account (which is fine with me), or let it ride here. Or, of course, you can be strict and revoke it here as well, but I don't think that would be productive. Seraphim System, let's see what the others have to say. Thank you, Drmies (talk) 22:17, 15 March 2019 (UTC)
 * To be bluntly honest,, this request has made me irrationally angry, following as it has on Seraphim System's post-block behaviour, which is very recent, and which various policies forbid me from discussing in detail here. Suffice it to say I find it thoroughly insincere. There's been a lot that's been getting under my skin on Wikipedia lately, as anyone who's been following either ARCA or any of the many recent gender disputes ought to know, but this is on an entirely new level. I don't think in nearly ten years here I've ever been this angry about something, and frankly I don't like it.
 * No, Zephrine/Seraphim System/whoever you want to pretend to be today, I am not going to restore your main account's talk page access. I should have advised you at the time that with talk page access revoked you can appeal to WP:UTRS, and I apologize for this oversight which is now corrected. In the meantime you should not edit English Wikipedia at all, as the only reason you are not site banned is because all of your many sockpuppets were discovered in one shot. Honestly (and bluntly again I realize) yours is one of the most serious cases of deliberate, planned, and abusive sockpuppetry I've seen in several years of SPI clerking, not counting many cases of long-term abuse. Go ahead and appeal to UTRS when you're "ready", but no, I have no interest in doing you any favours.
 * If other administrators reviewing this think that I'm being unreasonable and irrational it's because I am, and you should feel free to act however you see fit regarding my revocation of talk page access. Note however that the foundational block is a checkuser block, and should not be modified without consulting with a checkuser (other than myself - see below).
 * Now, I want nothing more to do with this. I am unwatching this page, I will not respond to pings, and I will delete any comments on my talk page which concern this set of incidents. Ivanvector (Talk/Edits) 00:20, 16 March 2019 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry if I'm evading a block, when I am ready (ie an appropriate time has passed, I think not less than 1 year) I will try UTRS as suggested. I am sorry also to Ivan to whom I said some unkind things post-block during a time I was emotional. I have not had a good experience working on the troubled and less traversed topic areas of ethnic conflicts. I have been been very much afraid of something like the events of today where 49 people were murdered with a gun that had "Turkofagos" written on it. I have never seen anything like this in my life and I am devastated and emotionally a wreck. I am scared to know there are people in this world who see me as nothing more than a way to "even the score". I am not even angry, I am utterly defeated. I am not ready to resume normal editing and will not be for some time, if I am even allowed to, but my goal is to spend about a year on other projects and then if I am permitted to return to English Wikipedia, it would be to continue working in other topic areas where I have been more productive such as law, language and literature. I have saved copies of my user space drafts, but I think one day I would like to come back to publish Akayesu, which is vital content that I worked long and hard on. This is along the lines of what I was thinking after an appropriate length of time has passed. Thank you, Zephrine (talk) 02:16, 16 March 2019 (UTC)