User talk:Zhyre

Zhyre (talk) Princess Crystal Zhyre (talk) Once upon a time, in a kingdom far far away, there lived a good king with a daughter so beautiful. Her name was Crystal. The good king was so proud of his daughter but there was one problem...

Anything that Princess Crystal touched would melt the moment it made contact with her hands. So, the king decided to make it a contest that whoever can present something that does not melt the moment Princess Crystal touches it will win Princess Crystal's hand in marriage and inherit the throne.

Three princes came and each prince carries with him the key to winning the Princess' hand in marriage.

The first prince brought a huge diamond as large as one's fist. The first prince was so confident that he would win for the diamond was known to be the hardest stone on earth.

Alas, the moment that Princess Crystal touched it, it melted into liquid, the first prince went home defeated...

The second prince brought with him Durendal, the indestructible sword of Roland. The second prince was so sure that he would win for it was the Sword of Legend...but, the moment Princess Crystal's hand came in contact with the blade, it melted into a shapeless metal... The second prince left the kingdom dejected...

The third prince came forward. The good king was intrigued since the third prince had nothing with him. The third prince said to Princess Crystal, "Put your hand in my pocket." Princess Crystal did as she was told. The princess touched something very hard and blushed so red that the king was so curious and asked, "What is it, my daughter?"

Princess Crystal was unable to answer... The king was so happy that he pursued the matter no longer... The third prince and Princess Crystal were married that very same day and lived happily ever after...

Do you know what the princess touched??? ^_^



It was M&Ms!!!

What did you think it was???

They melt in your MOUTH not in your HAND!!!

...hehehe... (=^_^=) --- Two Nuns There were two nuns... One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM), and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent. SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster. SM: It's not working. SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both. So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what has happened to Sister Logical. Then Sister Logical arrives. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then? SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could. SM: And? SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me. SM: Oh, dear! What did you do? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down. [And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys! ]

COMPLETE VERSION Dad: Anak bili mo ko soft drinks Anak: Coke o Pepsi? Dad: Coke! Anak: Diet o Regular? Dad: Regular! Anak: Bote O Can? Dad: Bote! Anak: 8 oz. o Litro? Dad: Punyeta! Tubig na lang! Anak: Natural o Mineral? Dad: Mineral! Anak: Malamig o Hindi? Dad: Hampasin kaya kita ng walis? Anak: tambo o ting ting Dad: Animal ka! Anak: Baka o Baboy? Dad: Layas! Anak: Ngayon o bukas? Dad: Ngayon na!!! Anak: Hatid mo ko o hindi? DAd: Patayin kaya kita? Anak: saksakin o barilin? Dad: Babarilin!! Anak: Ulo o Tiyan? Dad: Pesteeeee!!!! Anak: Ipis o Daga?? Dad: waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

US NAVY VS PINOY Isang gabing umuulan at may bagyo, may US Navy Ship na dumaraan sa northern Philippines. Ganito ang conversation. US Ship: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision. Pinoy: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision. US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Pinoy: Tang na mo. No, I say again, divert YOUR course. US Ship: (Galit na) This is the Aircraft Carrier USS Eisenhower, the 2nd largest ship in the US Navy. We're accompanied by 3 Cruisers 3 Destroyers, and numerous vessels. I DEMAND that you change your Course 15 Degrees North, or COUNTERMEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO INSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP! Pinoy: (Cool na Cool) Okay, this is the lighthouse atop a Rocky Hill, gusto mo, banggaan tayo! --- Operator: AT&T, How may I help you? Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis. Operator: Name of the party you're calling? Pinoy: Aybegurpardon? Can you repit agen plis? Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling? Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da name of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu. Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you're calling phonetically. Pinoy: Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali? Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali, Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io, and o as in o. Operator: Sir, can you please use English words. Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport agen, B as in Because, A as in airport agen, N as in enemy, Q as in Cuba, U as in Europe, E as in important, and L as in elephant. --- Inday Strikes Again! (Deal or No Deal)

KRIS: Magandang gabi, mga kapamilya. Sa game nshow na ito, importante ang sagot sa nag-iisang katanungang, 'Deal or No Deal?' Ang ating player ngayong gabi ay walang iba kundi ang fastest-rising household services manager na si Inday! [Umentra si Inday at nagpalakpakan ang mga tao.] KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose a briefcase. INDAY: Kris, I would opt for case #4 please KRIS: Briefcase # 4... si Sharmel. Inday, matanong ko lang, how did you come up with the number 4? INDAY: Oh, do you really want to know, Kris?

KRIS: Oo naman. I'm sure, kaya ko namang maintindihan 'yung sasabihin mo, eh. INDAY: The number 4 was acquired based on a probability distribution function that involves integrating up to an area greater than or equal to that random number which should be generated between 0 and 1 for proper distributions. KRIS: Ok, Inday, choose 6 briefcases to open. INDAY: I would opt for 7, 24, 12, 2,15 and 20. KRIS: Wait lang, Inday. Usually, isa-isa lang ang pagbubukas natin ng case... INDAY: Why is that? As if I can change the outcome if we're to open a case each time I blurt out a number as opposed to opening each case immediately one after the other right? KRIS: Hayyy... babaguhin pa talaga mechanics? (bulong sa sarili) Anwyay, di bale na lang nga... tuloy tayo. Number 7. Natalie, buksan na! [Sumigaw ang udience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]

INDAY: (tahimik) KRI S: Teka lang, bago natin buksan... Inday, usually ang mga contestant natin ay sumisigaw ng 'LOWER' every time magbubukas ng case. INDAY: Kris, I guess that's not the way I was taught in grade school. You see, I was taught that we should only use the comparative form of the word or add 'ER' to the adjective if we are comparing two things. And since it is only the first briefcase that we are going to open, we have nothing to compare it to. Am I right?

[Natahimik ang audience at napaisip.] KR IS: Oo nga, 'no?! Sige, Natalie, buksan mo na.

[Ang laman ng briefcase #7 ay piso. Palakpakan ang mga tao.] KRIS: Good start! Ano 'yung next case mo ulit? INDAY: Case# 24, please KRIS: Chloe... buksan na... [Sumigaw ulit ang audience ng, "LOWER! LOWER!"]INDAY: (tahimik lang) KRIS: Wait lang, guys. Inday, may nabuksan nang case, bakit hindi ka pa rin sumisigaw ng, 'Lower'?INDAY: Oh my goodness, Kris! How long have you been doing this? Have you ever encountered a value that is lower than a peso in this game? Tell me, is there any value left lower than the one we just opened? [Napa isip ulit ang audience at natahimik] KRIS: Aarrgghh!!! Chloe, buksan na lang nga, pati na rin 'yung 12, 2, 15 and 20, buksan na rin para matapos na.

(naiirita na) [At sunud-sunod na ngang binuksan ang mga briefcase na pinili ni Inday.] [Nag- ring ang phone.] INDAY : Ahh, Kris... to save more time can you tell Banker that I'm not interested in his first offer? In the history of this game of chance, I have yet to see someone accept a first offer from the Banker. It's quite pathetic and pretentious for contestants to pause and look around the audience as if asking for advice before ultimately rejecting the first offer. I mean, come on, isn't that a waste of airtime? BANK ER: Potahhh!!! [narinig sa set kahit sarado ang kuwarto ni Banker] [Ito ang unang pagkakataon na marinig ng audience ang boses ni Banker sa Deal or No Deal.] --- Deal or No Deal..continuation....wehehehhe

... dumating na sa kalagitnaan ng show at mukhang minamalas na si Inday... Kris: Ok Inday, mukhang kelangan na natin ng tulong sa mga friends mo... sino ba yung bigotilyong lalaki na naka-polo? Ano name nya? Inday: Ahh, that's my master Mr. Montemayor. Kris: Ahhh sya pala yun, how cute naman pala eh. Sige sir, give us a number. Mr. Montemayor: Hi Kris, good evening. I'm a fan. I choose number 22 please. Kris: Ano Inday ok ba yung number 22? Inday: Whatever, we shouldn't bite the hand that feeds us anyway. Go ahead. Kris: [taray naman] Sofie, buksan na! [ang laman ng briefcase 22 ay 5,000] Kris: Good job! Sino naman yung gwapong lalake na naka jumper na katabi ni Mr. Montemayor? What's his name? Inday: Ahh, that's my on again off again boyfriend, Dodong the gardener. Kris: Ooohh, sya pala yun. Ok Dodong, give us a number! Dodong: Hi babes, I choose briefcase 9 if it's ok with you. If not, it's ok with me as long as it's ok with you. Kris: Ano raw? Inday, number 9 daw ok say0? Inday: Yes Kris, it's fine with me. Kris: Wow ang bait pag kay Dodong. Ederlyn... buksan na!! ...nanlaki ang mga mata ni Inday at hindi sya makapaniwala. Natahimik at mukhang kakapusin sya ng hininga... Inday: YOU!!! How dare you invade my moment! [nagulat si Kris at ang mga audience sa reaksyon ni Inday. Nagpatawag si Kris ng commercial break at nagpakuha ng tubig para kay Inday.] Nagkatitigan sina Inday at Ederlyn. Nakangisi si Ederlyn habang hawak ang briefcase ni Inday. Ederlyn: Pinapangako ko, Inday... pagbukas luluhod ang mga tala! hahahahaha! Inday: What? Can you speak up? What are you mumbling up there. Can somebody give her a microphone please? Kris: Ano ba!! Tama na nga ang drama ninyo, Ederlyn buksan mo na ang case at umexit ka na kung ayaw mong mapalitan! (naiirita na si Kris) Dali-daling binuksan ni Ederlyn ang briefcase at ang laman ay... P3,000,000. Nanghinayang ang mga audience... Ang mga natirang values ay 250, 1K, 20K, 50K, and 500K. Inday: NooOoo.... (sabay tingin kay Dodong at napapaluha), how could you... Dodong: I'm so sorry Inday, please forgive me. Kris: Hayyy, drama again. Ang offer ni banker sa pagbabalik ng Kapamilya, Deal.. or No Deal! [pagtapos ng commercial break... mukhang composed na ulit si Inday] Kris: Inday, are you okay? Ang offer ni banker ay 99 thousand pesos. 'Sing rami siguro ng pilipinong pinadugo mo na ilong. Is it a Deal or No Deal? Tahimik lang si Inday tilang may kinocompute sa ulo habang ang mga audience ay nagsisigawan ng "No Deal", ang iba naman ay "Deal". Kris: Wait lang, kung mapapansin ninyo we have only have 5 cases left, and among those 5, apat doon ay mas maliit na value... Inday: Kris, do you mind? Can I do my own thinking? Natameme si Kris, pati ang audience ay natahimik. Kris: Taray to the max! (pabulong sa sarili) Inday: Ok, I'm ready. Upon looking at the reality of the situation, 80% of the cases left have at least 49K less than the banker's offer. The only way I can do better than what is offered is that if my case contains the 500k or I'd get to open one of the four lower values. But I have to keep in mind that there's only 20% probability that this would happen. I have to take note, however, that the banker's offer is roughly around 15% lower than the offer I expected based on the arithmetic mean of the values left. Kris: Lorddd... panaginip ba 'to? Ayokonaaa.... Inday: Accepting a deal for less than the mean should generally be regarded as a weak decision so I would say, NO DEAL! Limang briefcase na lang ang natitira at kasama na doon ang case ni Inday... Kris: My God, nakaka-stress itong episode na ito ha. Baka dumugo na rin ang ilong ko sa'yo Inday. Sige Inday, go ahead and choose 1 briefcase! Inday: Ok Kris, I choose briefcase #5 please? Kris: Briefcase #5! Mimi bago mo buksan yan I would first like to thank Figliarina by Schubizz for my sandals, Bambi Fuentes for my hair and make-up and Pepsi Herrera for my gown tonight. Kris: Ok Mimi, buk... Inday: Ahh Kris, can I also take time to thank a few people? I mean, I did save us a few minutes of airtime right? Kris: ("kapal naman talaga ng mukha"...bulong sa sarili) Sige, ok lang go ahead. (naka-smile pa rin) Inday: Thanks! Yes, I would like to thank Frank Provost for my hair and make-up, Jimmy Choo for my sandals and my dear friend Oscar dela Renta for my gown tonight. BLAG!! Tinumba ni Kris ang podium at nagwalk-out. Hindi na natapos ang show kaya't binigyan na lang ni Banker si Inday ng kalahating milyon para sa kanyang oras. Inday: Oh, and thanks to the people of Cartier for sending me these nice earrings for tonight! [Ito ang isa sa mga un-aired episode ng Kapamilya, Deal or No Deal] --- PARTY GAMES Hot Potato

Ingredients Potato or a ball

To Play Have all of the kids sit or stand in a circle.

One child is chosen as the "leader" he or she begins passing a potato (or other object) around the circle, while the "leader" turns his/her head with eyes closed.

Everyone must accept the potato, and may not hold it longer than a second. At any point the "leader" can yell, "Hot Potato", and whoever has the potato is out.

Continue to play until there is only one person left, and he/she wins!

Scavenger Hunt

This is a game that is usually relatively inexpensive and time-consuming, good for both kids and parents.

Ingredients

Clue Sheets

Polaroid Cameras

To Play

Give the partygoers clues that take them from place to place. You can have the hunt go around the house or around the city.

If you're driving around town, have everyone take pictures with the items they are supposed to find.

The team that gets all the items first wins!

Or instead of a Scavenger Hunt have kids solve a Detective's Case.

Set out clues all over the yard and have kids collect them.

Then the kids have to figure out what the clues mean. You might have them find clues to making a pizza, building a scarecrow, or solving a puzzle.

In Order A fun game to see how well your family can actually work together. The aim is to get the team to lineup according to a distinguishing characteristic.

Ingredients

Just Add Guests! ™

To Play

Gather the family and put them together in a few teams. For example, put all of the cousins or aunts together as one team.

The emcee or leader of the reunion calls out a particular characteristic, like birth order, age, height, astrological sign, etc.

The first team to get lined up yells out “In Order” and they win that round.

Keep going for a few rounds. The team with the most points wins a prize.