User talk:Zinego/sandbox

Need to proofread carefully. There are many grammatical errors. For example, this sentence in College life is very poorly written: "In Watson’s lecture that Mary attended he described the Little Albert study who he conducted with Rosalie Rayner who was also a Vassar graduate of the class of 1919." This phrase in Career is vague, not referenced, and not actually true: "While many other psychologists were focused on instilling fear into people..." Here is another assertion in the same section that needs a reference: "Due to a male dominated field her doctoral dissertation wasn't given much attention until Joseph Wolpe came along." There is not a single reference citation in the third paragraph. I could list many more problems, but I don't have time. You guys need to proofread carefully and add reference citations where needed.

That being said, there is a lot of good information here and this has the potential to be a very valuable Wikipedia psychology article. However, in it's present state it is not publishable, and I am giving it a rating of '2'. It can be fixed up, but it will take some effort by all of the members of this group.

Latest feedback - simple fixes needed
1. I forgot to mention this before, but use last names rather than first names in Wikipedia. Cover Jones would be appropriate for Mary Cover Jones. Use first and last names when you need to differentiate between individuals with the same last name. 2. I see the picture was deleted. Do try to find a picture that works. See Wikipedia Resources on Blackboard for instructions on pics. 3. Sentences that contain colloquialisms like this need to be changed: "Due to a male dominated field her doctoral dissertation wasn't given much attention until Joseph Wolpe came along." Better: Due to a male dominated field her doctoral dissertation wasn't given much attention until it gained the attention of Joseph Wolpe.

This article really should be published. Please proofread carefully and especially try to address my comments above. J.R. Council (talk) 18:42, 8 May 2014 (UTC)

Addressing your concerns
All use of Mary has been changed to Cover Jones. The sentence with Joseph Wolfe has been changed. A new picture has been added. Let's hope Wikipedia approves of this one. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Zinego (talk • contribs) 21:18, 8 May 2014 (UTC)

You did correct the errors that I specifically pointed out. However, there are still typos and grammatical errors. First names are still used to refer to individuals - you only did the Cover Jones correction. Again, please proofread carefully. Kristen should not be the only one working on this, either. Brandon and Katelyn should also be doing corrections to earn bonus points for publishing. J.R. Council (talk) 21:41, 8 May 2014 (UTC)

I don't understand why first names aren't allowed to be used. Like Harold Jones doesn't have a wikipedia page and its a common last name so no one would know her husbands name, but only Jones is appropriate. Also her daughters don't have pages so for the part of "Barbara her first daughter was born in 1922" That needs to be changes to "Coates, her first daughter was born in 1922?" Etc. Also her parents names I'm wondering about. — Preceding unsigned comment added by 68.69.254.179 (talk) 23:08, 8 May 2014 (UTC)

First please sign in and sign your posts so I know who I'm talking to. You are right about some of this. Children in that context could be referred to by first name only. Still I would refer to parents by first name last name. Otherwise style is conversational rather than encyclopedic. J.R. Council (talk) 01:29, 9 May 2014 (UTC)

Okay to publish
I've read this over and the changes look good. Nice work! You are good to publish. J.R. Council (talk) 01:36, 9 May 2014 (UTC)