User talk:Zlee223/sandbox

Article evaluation
Everything within the article is relevant to the article topic which is the career of Clyde Best. Mr. Best has recently achieved a few things that haven't been placed in the article such as the release of his book and the naming of the Clyde Best center of excellence. Maybe the addition of a few pictures from Mr.Best career. The links within the article work, they take you to the correct Wikipedia page. The information on the article is taken from reliable non-biased sources such as the official FIFA website and the West Ham United official website. These are neutral sources which state the facts about soccer games.

Finalized Article
For my wikipedia project I will be editing a stub on Human Rights in Central Asia. The area of Central Asia consists of Afghanistan, China, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Mongolia, Pakistan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan and Uzbekistan. The human rights issues surrounding this area mainly link back to religion, voting, and speech. The denial of these rights have caused the people of this region to retaliate with large amounts of violence and death which is usually met with brute force. Now many international organizations seek to evaluate why human rights are violated in this region and they try to help progress the region towards a more democratic society. This seems to be a challenging task due to the fact that protestors or people coming to help from outside the region fear persecution. Within some countries of this region such as Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan human rights have had large setbacks or lack improvements. Such as the inter-ethnic violence that took place in the southern region of Kyrgyzstan which caused a large amount of death within the country. Though this occurred in 2010 a certain group of people within this region are still tortured (as of 2012). I will be adding major events that took place in 2012 and 2010 that rocked the nations of Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, and Tajikistan. I will also add the improvement of the human rights within these countries as of 2018. This topic effects the way in which we look at human rights because I have chosen to focus on nations that aren’t talked about on a global scale. Meaning that though people in the “Western World” have to realize that human rights are a global issue and that we must not forget other regions within the world though they aren’t on mainstream media. The issues taking place in the Central Asia area infringes on many rights that people within the world take advantage of such as freedom of speech or freedom to choose the political party we wish to represent. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Zlee223 (talk • contribs) 17:45, 27 September 2018 (UTC) https://www.hrw.org/news/2012/11/15/central-asia-overview-key-human-rights-concerns-and-recommendations https://www.ccsdd.org/researchprojectPistan.cfm https://www.hrw.org/news/2017/01/12/central-asia-make-improving-rights-priority — Preceding unsigned comment added by Zlee223 (talk • contribs) 04:16, 28 September 2018 (UTC)

Article Outline
Govind Kumar Inakhiya "Human Rights At JeopardyThe Central Asian Context" The Journal of Central Asian Studies, Vol. XXII, 2015 Main Argument The country of Tajikistan has had a history of human rights violations and is working towards improvements of the human rights currently. The history of human rights within Tajikistan.

1.Discuss the fact that Tajikistan does have a constitution that states rights for the people of the nation but these rights aren't upheld within the country. Lead into the examples Discuss the human rights violations within Tajikistan using examples within the article such as police brutality and religious suppression.

2.discuss the possible reasons behind the human rights violations within Tajikistan such as unemployment and poverty rates. Using statistics from the article.

Previous article
Intimidation and killings of journalists[edit] It has been reported that, in the 1990s, dozens of journalists were killed or disappeared in mysterious circumstances in Tajikistan. Together with increasing attacks on journalists, the 2005 parliamentary elections brought increased closures of independent and opposition newspapers. In 2003, the government blocked access to the only internet website run by the political opposition and in June 2014, YouTube was partially blocked by the government.[4] Name change law[edit] According to Ilan Greenberg, writing in the New York Times in 2007,[5] The President of Tajikistan Emomalii Rahmon, stated that the Slavic "-ov" ending must be dropped for all babies born to Tajik parents. The policy came about in the wake of recent policies intended to remove vestiges of Russian influence on the country. In light of this, some Tajiks have expressed confusion or opposition at the denial of the freedom to choose the name for one's child. Freedom of religion[edit] Main article: Freedom of religion in Tajikistan Some activities of religious groups have been restricted by the requirement for registration with the State Committee on Religious Affairs. Islamic pilgrimages are restricted, and religious groups such as the Jehovah's Witnesses have suffered occasional persecution: since October 22, 2007, Jehovah's Witnesses have had their practices banned by the government.[6] Allegations of systematic violence against military conscripts[edit] In June 2014 Global Voices Online reported that the practice of systematic violence against military conscripts (referred to as dedovshina) had risen to public awareness following a recent increase in incidences of manslaughter and suicides in the Tajik Army, and the April 17, 2014 death of Akmal Davlatova, who was beaten to death by his lance sergeant.[7][8] Kidnapping of recruits was said to be a common practice in Tajikistan and victims have sometimes videotaped their own kidnappings.[9][10]

Outline
1.Discuss a recent human rights violation within Tajikistan discuss the recent political suppression such as imprisonment of opposing political groups and their lawyers. Also laws that have been passed to suppress political freedom. Discuss reasons for the regions struggle with the political side of things such as the previous rule under the Soviet Union and transition into more democratic society and the continuous government corruption. 2. Discuss reasons for lack of improvement of Tajik rights such as the lack of employment and international aid from human rights group.

ZLee's peer review
Good Draft overall. Make sure you have at least 4 sources and to cite all of them. Also make sure you have all 10 points in you final draft, it looks like you have about 5 or 6. Good job explaining your topic relating to human rights. I would explain a little more on the how these rights are taken away or what rights were refused by the government. Also you mention that the refusal of rights was supported by the constitution but then you then say that a constitution was established in 1994 is this the same constitution? Just make this more clear. Also you have a few run-on sentences, including the first sentence of the second paragraph and the last sentence of your draft. — Preceding unsigned comment added by Ksande15 (talk • contribs) 04:53, 3 November 2018 (UTC). Review by Ksande15

Alixes' Peer Review
Overall the contribution is a little unclear. When writing we often write the way we talk or how things may form in our own minds. Do keep in mind that when getting a point across it is all in the way you say things. Words written are simply content, the way the words are used creates context. I noticed a few grammar errors as well as a few run-on sentences. In the first sentence of the second part of the contribution you are personifying a term, "human rights." Human rights cannot suffer. Aside from these benign edits that you may consider to go back and revise, I am very impressed with how you managed to accomplish not adding any bias to your contribution. You stated facts and only facts, the content was not opinionated whatsoever. This is something that I am going to try and do with my own contribution.

Best Wishes, Bouvayali (talk) 03:07, 6 November 2018 (UTC)bouvayali