User talk:Zzajac10/sandbox

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:03, 22 March 2012 (UTC)

Hi guys!

Here's some things which are lacking from the main article. We can choose some of these things to write about in our edits

Purity Ball: What we can add to the article

- Where it originated? When and Why?

- Details about the ceremony - what happens?

- Age range of girls

- Demographics

- Beliefs and reasons of daughters and fathers

- How many states they take place in

Criticism:

- Why not guys too?

- Pressure to stay a virgin

- View of girls as chaste, sex only for procreation, old fashioned views

- Abstinence: not educated about contraception. High rates of teen pregnancy and STDS

Positive:

- Strong father figure and role models

- Bringing them closer together

Here's a good article which gives a negative perspective on purity balls: deals with STDs, problems with abstinence and control over daughters, what is purity

http://bf4dv7zn3u.search.serialssolutions.com.myaccess.library.utoronto.ca/?ctx_ver=Z39.88-2004&ctx_enc=info%3Aofi%2Fenc%3AUTF-8&rfr_id=info%3Asid%2Fsummon.serialssolutions.com&rft_val_fmt=info%3Aofi%2Ffmt%3Akev%3Amtx%3Ajournal&rft.genre=article&rft.atitle=Daddy%E2%80%99s+Little+Girls+On+the+Perils+of+Chastity+Clubs%2C+Purity+Balls%2C+and+Ritualized+Abstinence&rft.jtitle=Frontiers%3A+A+Journal+of+Women+Studies&rft.au=Fahs%2C+Breanne&rft.date=2010-09-01&rft.pub=University+of+Nebraska+Press&rft.issn=0160-9009&rft.volume=31&rft.issue=3&rft.spage=116&rft.epage=142&rft.externalDBID=n%2Fa&rft.externalDocID=243644064

Sbrates03 (talk) 19:13, 22 March 2012 (UTC) Hey guys! We finally figured it out! I think that all of the suggestions are really good, we should definitely talk about the origins of where this ceremony came from and talk about some criticisms. There is not much information about it in the article and I feel it would be valid information to include.

Khanhuda (talk) 19:14, 22 March 2012 (UTC)Great article -lets discuss the subheadings!

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:16, 22 March 2012 (UTC) What about origins, ceremony, demographics and criticism?

KingKwab (talk) 19:17, 22 March 2012 (UTC) I renomved the hyperlinks that were not properly cited within the Introduction paragraph. Will add new links soon.

Khanhuda (talk) 19:19, 22 March 2012 (UTC)Adding to that: what about history, roles/effects in society?

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:20, 22 March 2012 (UTC) Lets post a photo!!!

KingKwab (talk) 19:24, 22 March 2012 (UTC) I'll add the photo and lets try and make sure we get sources for whatever facts we add

Sbrates03 (talk) 19:26, 22 March 2012 (UTC) Lets divide up the subheadings that we want to do!

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:29, 22 March 2012 (UTC) I can do the ceremony

Khanhuda (talk) 19:31, 22 March 2012 (UTC) I can focus on criticisms

Sbrates03 (talk) 19:34, 22 March 2012 (UTC) I can focus on the origins. I feel like I'm not the only one in the world who would be interested in knowing that kind of information. I don't think its going to be too long, because it is a very new tradition, but I'm sure thats alright. I also found a really good article that we can use and cite! Ill post the link http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1823930,00.html

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:37, 22 March 2012 (UTC) Huda here's a really good article for you about the dangers of abstinence only education a lack of knowledge on contraception: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2008/11/03/081103fa_fact_talbot

Also here's a funny video on the topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIqG8odfRHI

Khanhuda (talk) 19:39, 22 March 2012 (UTC) Hey, found video documentaries on the topic, visuals! Khanhuda (talk) 19:40, 22 March 2012 (UTC)http://jezebel.com/5440014/purity-balls-protecting-girls-from-making-choices

Sbrates03 (talk) 21:45, 22 March 2012 (UTC) also found some creepy pictures front the article that I posted earlier http://www.time.com/time/photogallery/0,29307,1822906,00.html

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:04, 23 March 2012 (UTC) Here are two official websites for purity balls. They actually have a lot of information on them and links to other articles talking about purity balls so it's pretty useful.

1. http://www.purityball.com/purityBall.html

2. http://www.generationsoflight.com/

Also I took some screen shots of the article before we edit it :)

Sbrates03 (talk) 14:24, 26 March 2012 (UTC)Hey guys, sorry my internet was down all weekend, I wasn't able to get online at all. Im going to do the history/origin of purity balls for the article. So, I'm going to research it today and write a couple of sentences about it and hopefully get it up on the page by tomorrow. Ill do my best to fix my internet at home!

Zzajac10 (talk) 20:50, 26 March 2012 (UTC) I'll have ceremony up by tomorrow as well.

Khanhuda (talk) 01:40, 27 March 2012 (UTC)I will also hopefully have something up by tomorrow on criticisms.

Zzajac10 (talk) 05:46, 27 March 2012 (UTC) I'm going to post the subheadings and can everyone post their articles in these? I haven't completely finished my part but its like 75% done so I will post it just to show what I've done and if you guys think it's ok. Let me know if there's something else I need to include or if there are any mistakes. I still have to make the final edit and do references.

Also we need to do a little intro bit at the top which is like a general summary of the topic right? When everyone's information is posted we can combine little bits and write it? We also need a main picture haha!

This is what we have to hand in to Rachel in tutorial:

– Cover page

– Screenshot of the article (or section) before editing (COMPLETED)

– Screenshot of the article (or section) after editing

– Printouts of the Sandbox

Zzajac10 (talk) 20:31, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Shannon in your origins are you including how many ceremonies take place now and in how many states? I was debating whether to put it into my section or not, but if you have got it then I can leave it out. Let me know :)

KingKwab (talk) 20:24, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Sorry guys have been busy with assignments. I will be getting demographics section up soon

KingKwab (talk) 21:11, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Just added a thumbnail image for purity balls to the sandbox. Tell me what you think should i keep thi one or get another?

Zzajac10 (talk) 21:39, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Thanks Ben, that looks good. Maybe we can put one more in the article? I wanted to put one in my section but I'm not too sure how to do it... could you maybe help me with that if you have time? Also I'm not sure if we are supposed to be doing the edit summary on this page because aren't we writing about what we are doing anyways?

KingKwab (talk) 23:49, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Got a different picture. This one is MUUUUUCH better than the last. Yea Zoya just tell me which picture you want and I'll try and add it to the topic. Gonna get started on my demographics part and have it posted soon.

KingKwab (talk) 23:52, 27 March 2012 (UTC) Question are we supposed to add our sections into the talk page or are we supposed to add them to the user page? If its the user page Zoya you should move your section on ceremonies to the user page.

Zzajac10 (talk) 00:49, 28 March 2012 (UTC) Perfect! Yeh you are right. We are supposed to put them in sandbox I think but I just put them here so people can read what we have done so far as they aren't the final versions, and maybe make some suggestions? But I shall post them on the main page now.

Khanhuda (talk) 02:41, 28 March 2012 (UTC)Hey, picture looks fitting!. Ceremonies sounds good, sorry as you guys must have noticed, criticisms is not up yet, I'm working on it right now, and will post up soon.

Zzajac10 (talk) 04:54, 28 March 2012 (UTC) Ok great! I added the 'See also' and 'External Links' subheadings to the user page. Also thanks again for putting the pic up Ben! Just one small comment, since the official article title is 'Purity Ball' not 'Purity Balls' do you think we should remove the 's' at the end in the title over the picture?

KingKwab (talk) 15:56, 28 March 2012 (UTC) I honestly dont like the sound of "Purity Ball" because it sounds like a single object wherein our topic is not about a single object but in fact an event that takes place in many places. Therefore I think when speaking about a Purity Ball, it would sound better as Purity Balls that way it informs the reader taht it may be an event. I petition to even change the Wikipedia page name to Purity Balls

Khanhuda (talk) 17:26, 28 March 2012 (UTC) Hey, just wondering, do our sources have to be academic and peer reviewed?

Zzajac10 (talk) 19:48, 28 March 2012 (UTC) Huda: I'm not sure, I don't think so because so many wikipedia pages use links to websites? I don't know though.

Ben: I know, I thought it sounded funny in its singular form as well but like when people go to the balls they say that they are going to a purity ball, or a father-daughter purity ball you know? Although it happens everywhere it is a single event that people attend? Like prom or high school dance... they all take place in many places but are referred to in singular form? I don't know though because I do think Purity Balls sounds better. We can vote... Huda, Shannon, what do you think?

Khanhuda (talk) 22:43, 28 March 2012 (UTC) I agree, I think Purity balls does sound better, but yeah it's plural. I think singular form would be more correct.

Sbrates03 (talk) 23:36, 28 March 2012 (UTC) I found a creepy video about purity balls. A bit last minute I know, but still, we can maybe watch it to get a much better understanding about our topic! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XnRIk5bHe58

Zzajac10 (talk) 00:13, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Ok guys I did the reference codes for my sources in Ceremony. I'm going to put the banner on now!

Sbrates03 (talk) 00:16, 29 March 2012 (UTC)http://news.change.org/stories/purity-balls-disempowering-young-women-with-help-from-their-dads

Khanhuda (talk) 00:18, 29 March 2012 (UTC) http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,1823930-2,00.html Another article! I think TIME magazine has the most information, compared to the other links.

Khanhuda (talk) 00:27, 29 March 2012 (UTC) I see that it's changed to Purity Ball* - seems more correct now! Sorry Ben!

Zzajac10 (talk) 00:32, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey I'm doing the cover page, can you guys post your student numbers please?

Khanhuda (talk) 00:34, 29 March 2012 (UTC)999028537

KingKwab (talk) 01:46, 29 March 2012 (UTC) 996185275

Sbrates03 (talk) 01:53, 29 March 2012 (UTC)student number is 999011199

Khanhuda (talk) 01:58, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Hey, just posted up criticisms! Was having some difficulties with the referencing but I think i figured it out finally.

KingKwab (talk) 02:02, 29 March 2012 (UTC) I just finished my section on Beliefs and Reasons. Can someone double check it for me for grammatica errors and proper references please? Thanks

Zzajac10 (talk) 15:54, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey Ben, I'm just looking over your article. Here are some bits which could be fixed / improved:

- "Essentially the point of the Purity Ball" I am not sure of the word 'Essentially' here, maybe it would be better to say reasons behind the Purity Ball are or something along those lines?

- "Randy Wilson says the reason the Purity Ball occurs is because "Tt is the next step in our childrens development as young people, from childhood to adulthood. Our objective as parents is to guide and walk with them to help them be successful in their teen years as they are now facing all these different choices and pressures and to help thm be succesful adults and to have a successful relationships in the years to come" You misspelled 'It' and accidentally put a 'T' where the 'I' should go. Also there is no closing quotation at the end of your quote.

Zzajac10 (talk) 15:57, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey guys can you check over my article for any spelling and grammar mistakes? Also tutorial is cancelled so we just have to email it to Rachel. I will try emailing but I often have trouble sending attachments so someone else has to send one too as a back up. Who can do this with me?

KingKwab (talk) 16:03, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Ok team, im going to do a proof read over the whole article and find grammatical and syntax errors. I'm hoping someone can does this along with me so that we have more eye looking over the assignment and catching whatever mistakes I overlook.

KingKwab (talk) 16:04, 29 March 2012 (UTC) My e-mail messes up th most probably (UTMail doesn't like me) so hopefully Shannon or Huda can do this.

Khanhuda (talk) 16:05, 29 March 2012 (UTC)I can send it with you Zoya! Can you guys look over mine as well please?

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:06, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Thanks Huda! I'll help look over the whole article too :)

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:12, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey Huda, I looked over your page and when you write "  Purity Balls formulate the message" maybe formulate isn't the right word to use here? Maybe you can say something like "Many people have criticized Purity Balls for promoting the message that... etc". Also maybe for some of your criticisms you can say the source? Like "Time magazine states that .... ", "CNN also criticizes the practice as they claim ...."

Khanhuda (talk) 16:14, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Sure, just email me what the word document, huda_k@live.com, and thanks I will try to fix that. Did you guys find any grammatical errors?

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:16, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Would it be possible for someone to look over my section as well? Like I said earlier, its not super long, but at least its straight to the point and theres no insignificant details. Let me know!

KingKwab (talk) 16:18, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey Zoya I was looking around at other group pages and noticed they had a secondary banner that claimed that their sandbox was for a class assignment amongst othr things, I think we should also add one to our page. Also is anyone doing a second proof read after me.

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:19, 29 March 2012 (UTC)I'll do some proof reading for the ceremony section, give me one second I'm going to go check it out now.

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:20, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Good you noticed that Ben, I'll add it in right now! Thanks so much Shannon, I'll proof read yours now too :)

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:23, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Ben stop making everything plural form, hahaha. I think the caption for the picture should be "A daughter and her father standing together...." instead of it being in plural form.

KingKwab (talk) 16:26, 29 March 2012 (UTC) I do not agree. The fact that there are multiple Daughters and Fathers in the picture allows for the use of pluralism that I added in the caption. Finished proof reading everything looks good.

Khanhuda (talk) 16:27, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Yeah, I also just reread everything and did not find any spelling or grammer mistakes yet.

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:28, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Haha I agree with you Shannon, sorry Ben!!

Shannon, for your section when you write "The origins of the Purity Ball event can easily be traced back to 1998" maybe you don't need the word 'easily' in there? Also when you write "To this day, the tradition has spread" maybe just say "Today the tradition has spread" and also when you say "even invoking talk about" you can can maybe say "and there has been talk about Purity Balls spreading to ..."

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:29, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Sounds good! I'll go do that right now.

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:32, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Alright, I fixed it up. Good suggestions, the section sounds much better now that I've changed it up!

KingKwab (talk) 16:33, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey Huda, I just noticed that the original criticism page on the Wikipedia topic on "Purity Ball" is not in our sandbox. I think you should quickly go over the the main Purity Ball page and transfer the whole section over and then add the new content that you wrote beneath it. Then double check to see if the links are actually working. Fine ladies I agree, go ahead and change the caption on the picture.

Khanhuda (talk) 16:34, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Oh sorry, wow I didn't even notice and forgot! thanks Ben, I will go add it right now.

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:35, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Picture caption changed :)

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:42, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Hey guys, I really don't see how this quote fits with the beginning intro bit "Randy Wilson, a clergyman involved in the creation of purity balls, advises fathers to praise their daughters' physical attractiveness in effusive but polite terms: "I applaud your courage to look your daughter in the eye and tell her how beautiful she is." Can I get rid of it?

KingKwab (talk) 16:43, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Sounds Good go for it!!!

Sbrates03 (talk) 16:45, 29 March 2012 (UTC)I feel like we can try and make it work, can't we? It seems like it is an important part of the article, because that IS something that the fathers say during the ceremony, although the whole thing is mostly about remaining pure.

Khanhuda (talk) 16:46, 29 March 2012 (UTC)okay guys, I did my best to merge the old criticism with the new one I made. Hope it all makes sense. Please read it over and let me know what you think?

KingKwab (talk) 16:52, 29 March 2012 (UTC) The reason we can't incorporate it into the introduction sentence is that it contradicts the whole point of the purity ball. Saying that fathers are able to tell their daughters that they are beautiful and focusing on their look isn't what the purity ball is about. The fact that a girl can look anyway and be loved and respected is what the Purity ball is really about and as such that line makes no sense and should be deleted. ZOYA DELETE AWAY !!!!

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:47, 29 March 2012 (UTC) I read over it, it looks good Huda!!

Khanhuda (talk) 16:51, 29 March 2012 (UTC)Awesome, thanks. I think that's it for my section then.

Zzajac10 (talk) 16:53, 29 March 2012 (UTC) Ok I deleted it. Looks like we're done guys! Ok I'm going to move our page to the actual Purity Ball page and then take some screen shots of the article after our edit and our talk page too. I'll email you the attachment Huda so we can both send it to Rachel. YEY!