Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Bill Kibby/archive1

Bill Kibby

 * Nominator(s): Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:25, 15 March 2020 (UTC)

Bill Kibby is the latest in my series on South Australian service personnel awarded the Victoria and George Crosses. He performed three separate actions during the prolonged Second Battle of El Alamein of the WWII North African campaign, the last of which cost him his life. The article has gone through GAN and Milhist ACR, so hopefully most of the rough edges have been filed off. Have at it! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 06:25, 15 March 2020 (UTC)

Support from Gog the Mild
NB. It is my intention to claim points for this review for the WikiCup. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:26, 15 March 2020 (UTC)

I have done a little copy editing, which you will want to check.


 * Any chance of replacing one of the "inspirational"s in the second paragraph of the lead?
 * removed one as unnecessary. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "accompanied him on an occasional sketching trip" Is that one trip, or several?
 * clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "after his commander had been killed" I am not sure if "his" → 'its' might not work better.
 * quite right. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "several times under intense fire. On 30–31 October, the platoon came under intense machine gun and mortar fire." Optional: rplace one of the "intense"s.
 * done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "Most of them were killed or wounded" If you are going to use "them", the previous sentence needs something like 'the men of the platoon'. Alternatively, 'Most of the members of the platoon were killed or wounded'.
 * done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)


 * "At one point during the last night". "the last night"? 'his last night'? Or 'the night of 30–31 October'?
 * clarified. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)

And that's all I can find. A fine little article. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:26, 15 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks . All done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:11, 16 March 2020 (UTC)

Images are appropriately licensed. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:17, 21 March 2020 (UTC)

Source review - spotchecks not done
 * Lead says he emigrated to Australia at 11, but text says only early 1914 - is there a source confirming it was after his birthday?
 * AWM and the Archives are publishers not works
 * Not convinced you need to include ACT for Canberra, but if you're to do it it must be done consistently
 * Your two Advertiser refs are differently formatted. Nikkimaria (talk) 18:17, 21 March 2020 (UTC)
 * All fixed, thanks Nikkimaria! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:08, 22 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Now have an sfn error on FN 19, and would suggest including the via NLA credit on the Mail refs as well. Nikkimaria (talk) 13:19, 28 March 2020 (UTC)

Comments Support by Kaiser matias
Having reviewed a few of your other VC recipient article, figured I could do it again here. Not a lot I see:
 * "...was a British-born Australian recipient of the Victoria Cross, the highest award for gallantry in the face of the enemy that could be awarded to a member of the Australian armed forces at the time." It doesn't specify when "at the time" is here, so perhaps note he was a "recipient of the Victoria Cross during World War II" or something to that extent?


 * "The citation was partly based on a note found in the pocket of his dead company commander." Just want to say I found this particularly interesting.


 * "The award was gazetted..." It should clarify it was done in the London Gazette.


 * "The Governor-General, Baron Gowrie..." Again I'd specify he was the Governor-General of Australia. I realise it's kind of redundant, but feel it should be totally clear. Kaiser matias (talk) 20:36, 26 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for taking a look, ! All done. I hope you are keeping well. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:05, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Excellent, have my support now. Another quality article. Kaiser matias (talk) 14:46, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Support Comments by JennyOz
Hi Peacemaker67, great to see another in this series. I only have a few minor comments and suggestions...
 * After recovering, Kibby joined the brigade training battalion in August 1941 and also attended the infantry school to complete a weapons course - any locations for these?
 * presumably in Egypt, but not given. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * George was invalided back to Adelaide early in 1943, and was able to pass on to Mrs. Kibby some of her husband's works - this looks a little odd here out of chron order, perhaps move to Postscript? (eg In early in 1943 Esmond George was invalided back to Adelaide and was able to pass on to Mrs. Kibby some of her husband's artworks.) (Both were exhibited. FFCF=Fighting Forces Comforts Fund?)
 * Moved sentence. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * counterattacks v counter-attacks
 * Fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:24, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * At the Second Battle of El Alamein, during the... - this is a long para with no refs til end - maybe add one at "Distinguished Conduct Medal after this action, but was killed"? (ADB Gammage'd do)
 * Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:24, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * On 30–31 October - over, during? or are you talking of the night, if so, slash instead of dash?
 * during, fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * the fighting was over the total fighting strength of the battalion - any way to reword to avoid 2 x "fighting"?
 * Fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * and individually reburied the men - and reburied the men individually?
 * Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * refs / news, journals / House for V.C's Dependants - add the dot after "C"
 * Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * London Gazette - typo "attack attack". Actually, the first line of the citation is a little different eg punctuation missing comma after 1942 and is missing "Ridge"
 * Fixed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * At one point during the night of 31 October/1 November, - he died 31st so this looks strange. Maybe insert 'before midnight'?
 * Done. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * (side question) Gammage and AWM have his year of birth as 1903, and according to this Winlaton baptism mention that is the correct year so why would he attest to it being 1905 (per the NAA ref)? Obviously I've heard of younger volunteers putting their dob back. Did older ones do the opposite? Just curious for future reading, not suggesting adding to article.)
 * Yes, I am aware of older volunteers doing the opposite (in WWI too), perhaps he was unsure if he would be accepted given he was married with kids and thought being a couple of years younger might help. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for that. JennyOz (talk) 05:31, 27 March 2020 (UTC)


 * Here are a few other tidbits I came across. Most probably too trivial but you may think something worth adding... His siblings were both sisters. Bill's father met Monty. Rest area named for him on Remembrance Driveway (Australia). Kibby Ave in City of Glenelg is named for him. Also a Vets' shed and memorial garden on the Ave per this and this. And gosh!
 * Have added a few of these. Thanks Jenny! Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

Hope my comments make sense. Regards, JennyOz (talk) 01:07, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * All good, thanks very much for taking a look, ! Hope you are keeping well. Cheers, Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 04:21, 27 March 2020 (UTC)
 * All good indeed! Thanks PM. Yes, I am well thanks and being very sensible as I trust you are. JennyOz (talk) 05:31, 27 March 2020 (UTC)

this looks good to go, can I have dispensation for a fresh nom please? Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:18, 28 March 2020 (UTC)

--Ealdgyth (talk) 14:45, 28 March 2020 (UTC)