Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars/archive1


 * The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Ucucha 19:41, 20 January 2012.

Broken Sword: The Shadow of the Templars

 * Nominator(s): Khanassassin (talk) 18:08, 19 January 2012 (UTC)

I am nominating this for featured article because... It meets FA criteria, plus it has also been through GA... Khanassassin (talk) 18:08, 19 January 2012 (UTC) - BTW, I'm also The IP User --193.111.221.60 (talk), who made the article a GA, and now also (hopefully) a FA... :)

Oppose: This nomination looks premature; the article was promoted to GA only on 17 January. FA criteria tend to be strictly enforced in the FAC review process, which among other things requires prose to be "engaging, even brilliant, and of a professional standard". I have identified issues of grammar, spelling and punctuation in the brief lead section. I can see other points requiring similar attention in the main body of the article. Here are the lead points:-


 * The word "released" occurs three times in the first one-and-a half lines
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "It has also been ported to the Mobile phone" - you should find better phrasing, and remove the capital from "Mobile"
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "mid-90's": No apostrophe required (and better as "mid-1990s")
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "The player assumes George Stobbart" doesn't make sense. Do you mean "The player assumes the identity of George Stobbart"?
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "George Stobart" should be placed in quotes to emphasise his fictional character
 * The hyphen after "George Stobart" should be either an ndash or an mdash, but punctuation with a comma would do as well
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * eyewitness" is one word
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "while dining together" is too trivial a detail for the lead
 * done--Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "The game is serious in tone, but consist also of humor..." Spot the error
 * done--Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "diauloge"?
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "The Game was spawned by a number of sequels..." This makes absolutely no sense. I assume the words "was" and "by" should be removed? If that is the case you will need to reorganise the next sentence ("Charles also led..." etc)
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * "Revolution released a remake in 2009" Who, or what, is "Revolution"?
 * done --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)

Preparation for FAC usually involves a close copyedit from an editor who has a high degree of skill with prose. At present your best bet may be to withdraw this and renominate after a period of careful preparation. Brianboulton (talk) 21:44, 19 January 2012 (UTC)


 * I'm done with the lead issues! --Khanassassin (talk) 14:28, 20 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Please see instructions at WT:FAC and avoid editing other editors' entries, please sign your entries, and templates cause errors in the FAC archives due to Template limits. Sandy Georgia  (Talk) 17:39, 20 January 2012 (UTC)


 * Oppose and suggest withdrawal. This is not nearly polished enough to be presented at FAC. A quick glance reveals many issues: Sasata (talk) 17:56, 20 January 2012 (UTC)
 * inconsistent placement of citations after punctuation
 * improper/inconsistent use of which/that
 * many short one or two sentences "paragraphs"
 * prose is not brilliant, nor of a professional standard. A small sampling:
 * "After writing her story up, her editor Ronnie tells her to drop it at which Nico becomes angry."
 * "Charles decided to contact him to suggest that he writes the music. Barrington then took the offer."
 * "So, he decided..."
 * "In edition to working on the visual references for the game,"
 * "App Spy praised the game's great looking visual presentation, excellent touch screen controls and challenging puzzle gameplay, and called it a must own game, even for newcomers to the genre, but stated that the hint system can make things too simple, and that the auto-save function isn't the greatest."
 * "Francis Rizo III of Video Game Talk stated that Broken Sword with its engagingly deep storyline, gorgeous art, fun writing, entertaining puzzles and terrific vocal cast, just raised the bar to a level that will be incredibly hard to meet for any game, and that people should buy it, as it is fun and its success may spur developers to take another look at this somewhat dormant genre, supplementing the wave of Wii ports with something new and original." is this a quote?


 * The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.