Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Government Hooker/archive3


 * The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by GrahamColm 10:04, 21 October 2012.

Government Hooker

 * Nominator(s): ðάπι (talk) 21:30, 2 October 2012 (UTC)

Born This Way, the second studio album of American recording artist Lady Gaga, was released worldwide on May 23, 2011. The album produced varying responses from music commentators, and many felt that the album was subpar from Gaga's previous efforts. However, a number of tracks on the album were praised, including "Government Hooker", a song that many of her fans proclaim to being Gaga at her best. This article has been nominated two times, and though it failed to meet the criteria, the feedback was comprehensive and helpful. There wasn't much to fix this time around, so now I believe the article satisfies the FA criteria. Hopefully the third time is the charm. —DAP388 (talk) 21:30, 2 October 2012 (UTC)

Comment: File:John F. Kennedy, White House photo portrait, looking up.jpg is fine but has a redlink template and a redlink related image, they should be fixed or removed. The other images are fine. "Appearances and live performances" has a single paragraph of 3 lines, it should be expanded or merged into another section. I did not see any further things to point. Cambalachero (talk) 15:53, 7 October 2012 (UTC)
 * Done. I merged the "appearances and live performances" section with the reception section. As for the Kennedy image, I do not know how to remove the redlink. Hopefully this isn't a huge issue, but if this will hinder the article from satisfying the FA criteria, then perhaps I can choose another image of Kennedy.—DAP388 (talk) 04:33, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Comment: On its most recent FAC outing, the article received substantial comments from three editors, all of which it seems were addressed, although in one case an  oppose was left unchanged. It would be helpful if those editors could indicate the extent to which they have remaining concerns. Have they been alerted to the article's resubmission here? Brianboulton (talk) 16:01, 9 October 2012 (UTC)
 * The editors have been notified. Again, I apologize for the late reply. —DAP388 (talk) 04:33, 12 October 2012 (UTC)

Comments:
 * Avoid saying that a song has influences of another genre when the source does not specify it. Critics may notice elements, but the song may not have necessarily been influenced by the genre(s). Otherwise it could be considered OR.
 * "Its themes relate to female sexual empowerment, expressed as a metaphor for the supposed relationship between actress Marilyn Monroe and United States president John F. Kennedy." - Ambiguous. What is expressed as a metaphor to their relationship. And I would recommend "former United States president" or "late United States president". Obama is the current president.
 * In the background section, I find the title of the song is mentioned in awkward places and sounds repetitive. Try variety (eg. the song, it, etc.)
 * I don't think "of 'Government Hooker'" is necessary here, "Gaga wrote the lyrics of "Government Hooker" shortly after first hearing the beat." - it's redundant.
 * "Shadow noticed Van Der Veen's thick, distinctive Dutch accent while he was browsing through the lyrics." - this is a bit unclear. What do you mean by "browsing through the lyrics" and how does it help Shadow notice Peter's accent?
 * I can't find a source that says that this song is dance-pop. I see a source saying just "dance" (no pun intended), but no "dance-pop".
 * Awkwardly worded: "'Government Hooker' begins when Gaga sings in a melodramatic, operatic fashion" – (1) the "begins when Gaga sings" is weird and odd wording; (2) is "fashion" the right word here?
 * "with the lyrics" - could be replaced with a colon, which would be nicer
 * "generally applauded" does not work very well. "Applaud" means to have great praise and to acclaim, so using "generally" alongside is a bit strange. Try "generally praised". It's milder wording.
 * You could go without saying "Government Hooker" twice in the second paragraph of Reception. — WP: PENGUIN  · [ TALK ]  16:33, 14 October 2012 (UTC)


 * The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.