Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/HMS Ramillies (07)/archive1

HMS Ramillies (07)

 * Nominator(s): Sturmvogel 66 (talk) & Parsecboy (talk) 02:18, 14 June 2019 (UTC)

Ramillies was completed after the Battle of Jutland and only played a minor role in World War I. She supported Allied intervention in the Russian Civil War and during the Greco-Turkish War from 1919–1922. After the Italians joined the war in 1940, she escorted convoys to Malta and supported the raid on Taranto that crippled the Italian battlefleet. Ramillies was transferred to the Indian Ocean a few months before the Japanese joined the war. During the invasion of Madagascar in 1942 she was torpedoed by a Japanese midget submarine. In 1944 the ship bombarded German positions during the landings in Normandy and in the South of France. She was placed in reserve in early 1945 and scrapped in 1945. The article just passed a MilHist A-class review and Parsecboy and I believe that it meets the FA-class criteria. We'd like reviewers to look for any bits of AmEnglish that might be found as well as any unlinked or unexplained jargon.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 02:18, 14 June 2019 (UTC)

Comments Support from PM
This article is in great shape. I reviewed it at GAN then re-read it at Milhist ACR and couldn't see anything to quibble about. I have a few minor points: That's all I have. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 09:39, 14 June 2019 (UTC)
 * in the lead, suggest "They ships were developments"
 * also in the lead, suggest "She also saw limited involvement in the Black Sea in 1920 during the Franco-British intervention in the Russian Civil War." as the current formulation makes it seem the Russian Civil War was in the Black Sea in 1920
 * suggest "rescinded the decision for to use coal"
 * suggest turning lk=on to link kW when first converted
 * the upper range of the conning tower armour differs between the body and infobox?
 * suggest "In addition the aft torpedo tubes on both sides were removed"
 * The reader already knows that the torpedo tubes were mounted on the broadside.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:43, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * could you say that she was the nth British ship to be named Ramillies? I think this sort of detail is appealing and shows continuity.
 * link dry dock
 * suggest splitting the change of captains and inserting the second one for Smith into the narrative at the appropriate point
 * I'm not seeing this, where more exactly?--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:43, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Captain Aubrey Smith is mentioned out of chronological order. I suggest inserting his assumption of command after the Constantinople sentence to make his connection to the Georgia mission clearer. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 23:50, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Done.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 00:04, 17 June 2019 (UTC)
 * do we know when they were attached to the Med Fleet?
 * Not to the day, but it was in early 1920.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:43, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * link ship commissioning for decommissioned at first mention
 * suggest " en route that lasted"
 * suggest "The unit was established in December, with the squadron attached to Force F"→"The squadron was established in December and was attached to Force F"
 * perhaps mention that Addu Atoll is in the Maldives?
 * perhaps mention that Mombasa is in Kenya?
 * "providing heavy fire support to the forces"
 * "three German torpedo boats" but then they are described as destroyers. I know they were treated as interchangeable by the Germans, but consistency would be better here
 * suggest "her bombardment ability no longer necessary required"
 * Thanks for your very helpful and thorough review. See if my changes are satisfactory.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:43, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * All done. Supporting. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:10, 17 June 2019 (UTC)

Image review


 * Suggest scaling up the Revenge diagram. Nikkimaria (talk) 14:12, 15 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Done.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:43, 16 June 2019 (UTC)

Sources review
Brianboulton (talk) 13:12, 16 June 2019 (UTC)
 * No spotchecks carried out
 * All links to sources are working
 * Formats: Ref 52 requires pp. not p.
 * Quality and reliability: No issues
 * Good catch, thanks, Brian.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:45, 16 June 2019 (UTC)

Comments Support by CPA-5
That's anything from me. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 19:04, 24 June 2019 (UTC)
 * The two battleships opened fire at around 5:30 on the morning of the invasion, 6 June By MOS:TIME "5:30" should be "05:30".
 * Fixed
 * sisters were transferred to the Mediterranean Fleet in August 1927 Remove 1927 here.
 * Done
 * a fleet review for the king at Portland Was this really the King here? If so please replace "king" with the capitalised "King".
 * Done
 * Following its conclusion, she was sent to Alexandria by way of Gibraltar Maybe add Egypte here?
 * Good idea
 * she was transferred to Aden, Yemen, as part of the search This is a little bit debatable here. Maybe remove Yemen with the Aden Protectorate because Yemen had only the northern part of modern-day Yemen at that time.
 * A good point - and I've piped Aden to Colony of Aden
 * visited the ship on 16 August in Hvalfjörður, Iceland Link Iceland here with the Kingdom of Iceland's article.
 * Done
 * the artist chose to crown the sculpture with a 6-metre (19 ft 8 in) model of Ramillies Metric units as primary units here? Maybe switch the units here?
 * Good catch
 * they shelled the heavy coastal guns on the Mandrier peninsula Please capitalise peninsula here.
 * Done
 * Thanks as always! Parsecboy (talk) 19:32, 24 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Hey BB I just added one extra comment I reckon this my last comment here. Could you please address this one? Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 20:07, 24 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Indeed I can - thanks again. Parsecboy (talk) 20:09, 24 June 2019 (UTC)
 * Looks good to me. Cheers. CPA-5 (talk) 07:46, 25 June 2019 (UTC)

Comments by Wehwalt

 * "She also saw limited involvement during the Franco-British intervention in the Black Sea in 1920 in the Russian Civil War. " this seems a bit awkward, with all the clauses.
 * Reworded a bit, let me know if that works for you
 * "A torpedo-control director with a 15-foot rangefinder" Does this require conversion to metric? Ditto "The main conning tower had 11 inches of armour on the sides with a 3-inch roof. The torpedo director in the rear superstructure had 6 inches of armour protecting it. After the Battle of Jutland, 1 inch"
 * The rangefinder is already converted in that section, as are the figures in the armour section - generally the rule we follow is to convert a figure only on the first occasion (though I might make an exception if the article is long and the figures are fairly widely separated)
 * "crushing tubes" Does this require further explanation?
 * Good point - I've added a note
 * "Since the dry docks in Dalmuir were not long enough to accommodate Ramillies, she had to be towed to the Cammell Laird shipyard in Liverpool. The ship was not seaworthy, however, so temporary repairs were effected in Dalmuir before she could be towed to Liverpool." This seems a bit out of chronological order.
 * Tweaked a bit
 * "Ramillies and three of her sisters were again sent to the Mediterranean Fleet in September 1922 during a crisis in Smyrna that culminated in the Great Fire of Smyrna as the Greco-Turkish War came to its conclusion." I would change "a crisis" to "the crisis".
 * Done
 * Should the mention of unrest in the mandate of Palestine be piped to 1929 Palestine riots?
 * Good idea
 * "She was the first battleship to visit the country and Baillie-Grohman was presented with a Māori piupiu (a warrior's skirt made from rolled flax) by the head of the Ngāti Poneke, following a tradition established by the battlecruiser New Zealand shortly before the beginning of the First World War intended to ward harm from the ship's company provided that the piupiu was worn while the ship was in danger." This sentence seems to wander a bit.
 * Split the sentence and reworded a bit
 * "The German ship never entered the Indian Ocean" The Graf Spee?
 * Yes - clarified
 * "On 15 August, Ramillies shelled the Italian port of Bardia and Fort Capuzzo outside Sollum along with the battleships Malaya and Warspite and the heavy cruiser Kent." This could be read to say she shelled other ships. Suggest changing "along with" to "alongside".
 * Sounds good to me
 * "returned to Addu Atoll, in the Maldives, to refuel. While refuelling his ships, " I would change "while refuelling" to "while there" to avoid the repetition.
 * Done
 * "The explosion tore a large hole in the hull and caused extensive flooding, though damage control teams quickly contained the flooding and prompt counter-flooding prevented her from listing badly." A flood of flooding! I would change "contained the flooding" to "contained it".
 * Works for me
 * "Although engaged by both Ramillies and Warspite as well as the cruisers, the German vessels were able to escape after launching fifteen torpedoes. Forced to launch their torpedoes at long range, two torpedoes passed between Warspite and Ramillies,[68]" At least one "torpedoes" could be removed.
 * Cut the first clause of the second sentence.
 * That's it.--Wehwalt (talk) 08:10, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks Wehwalt. Parsecboy (talk) 12:42, 19 July 2019 (UTC)
 * --Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 16:52, 23 July 2019 (UTC)
 * Support all looks good.--Wehwalt (talk) 18:24, 23 July 2019 (UTC)

-- Laser brain  (talk)  11:11, 24 July 2019 (UTC)