Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Jim Jones/archive1

Jim Jones

 * Nominator(s): &mdash;Charles Edward (Talk &#124; Contribs) 13:46, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

This article is about the most infamous Indiana native of all time, Jim Jones. Jones and the events that transpired at his remote jungle commune in 1978 have had a defining influence on society's perception of cults. I have spent the past several months improving this article, and I hope you will see that reflected in its quality. I will do my best to promptly respond to any issues you identify. The biggest challenge I have had is trimming this article back to meet the length criteria. The article has four main sub articles, and can be further trimmed if needed. Thank you for your review! &mdash;Charles Edward (Talk &#124; Contribs) 13:46, 28 April 2022 (UTC)

Realmaxxver
Placeholder. Realmaxxver (talk) 17:14, 28 April 2022 (UTC)
 * "As a youth, Jones developed an affinity for Pentecostalism" → "As a child, Jones developed an affinity for Pentecostalism"
 * "He was ordained as a Christian minister in the Independent Assemblies of God and he attracted his first group of followers while he was participating in the Pentecostal Latter Rain movement and the Healing Revival during the 1950s." → "He was ordained as a Christian minister in the Independent Assemblies of God, attracting his first group of followers while participating in the Pentecostal Latter Rain movement and the Healing Revival during the 1950s."
 * "She gave Jones a Bible and encouraged him to study it and taught him to follow the holiness code of the Nazarene Church.[13][14]" feels like a run-on sentence, would suggest "She gave Jones a Bible and encouraged him to study it, teaching him to follow the holiness code of the Nazarene Church.[13][14]"
 * "and he was baptized by several of them.[15]" → "and was baptized by several of them.[15]"
 * "While he was attending a baseball game in Richmond, Indiana Jones was bothered by the treatment of African Americans who attended the game.[28] The events at the ball game brought discrimination against African Americans to Jones's attention and influenced his strong aversion to racism.[5]" → "While he was attending a baseball game in Richmond, Indiana, Jones was bothered by the treatment of African Americans who attended the game.[28] The events at that baseball game brought discrimination against African Americans to Jones's attention and influenced his strong aversion to racism.[5]"
 * "Jones's strong opposition to the Methodist church's racial segregationist practices was an early on strain their marriage.[38][39]" might have mixed up the words here; "Jones's strong opposition to the Methodist church's racial segregationist practices was an early strain on their marriage.[38][39]"
 * "In early 1952, Jones announced to his wife and her family that he would become a Methodist minister since he believed the church was ready to "put real socialism into practice."[46]" → "In early 1952, Jones announced to his wife and her family that he would become a Methodist minister, believing that the church was ready to "put real socialism into practice."[46]"
 * "In the summer of 1952, Jones was hired as student pastor to the children at the Sommerset Southside Methodist Church.[40] Jones launched a project to create a playground that would be open to children of all races.[48][49]" → "In the summer of 1952, Jones was hired as student pastor to the children at the Sommerset Southside Methodist Church,[40] where he launched a project to create a playground that would be open to children of all races.[48][49]"


 * ? Gog the Mild (talk) 21:41, 18 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Yes? I've made all the suggested changes recommended above. &mdash;Charles Edward (Talk &#124; Contribs) 23:43, 18 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Good stuff. Have you let the reviewer know this? Gog the Mild (talk) 14:41, 19 May 2022 (UTC)

Coordinator note
This has been open for more than three weeks and has yet to pick up a support. Unless it attracts considerable further attention over the next three or four days I am afraid that it will have to be archived. Gog the Mild (talk) 16:59, 20 May 2022 (UTC)
 * That is unfortunate. It seems like there have not really been any significant attempt to review it at all. We can always try again later. :) Thanks! &mdash;Charles Edward (Talk &#124; Contribs) 12:17, 23 May 2022 (UTC)