Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Keane/archive1

Keane
Self nom. This article is about British band Keane. I've worked for three months now on it. I think it contains the most information possible about the band (excepting private facts for reasons of the band). However this article will keep being improved as they are an active band. Fluence 01:30, 11 August 2006 (UTC) -- Underneath-it-All 15:00, 11 August 2006 (UTC)
 * Comment: I've just noticed a few things that should be addressed.
 * 1) All the the promotional pictures used in the article should have fair use rationales written for them.
 * 2) The lead has too many one sentence paragraphs. These should be blended together into two larger paragraphs.
 * 3) A lot of fansites are listed under the External links section. Could this be cut down a bit?
 * 4) I see that a lot of your main source of information is a Keane fansite (keaneshaped.co.uk). You should try to find a variety of sources instead of using just one.
 * I've tried to look another sources of information about Keane around the Internet and the very few magazines that talk about them (I live in Mexico) but almost every source contains information taken from Keaneshaped. I think that fansite contains more information than the official page. I can't delete the links to the FAQ page of that fansite because of Copyright. Chris Flynn (owner of site) let the information he has recovered to be included here but including the links to his fansite. However, I've included the links to the original articles and sources on the "References" section. Some articles are now only found on Keaneshaped (there have been removed from the main source) so that's why there are very few references. If I change the "Notes" section links from Keaneshaped, Chris Flynn would have to erase half the article. I've also retired fansites and blended the lead. About the fair uses I'm looking forward to them Fluence 16:04, 11 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Comment Can't the information within the trivia section be used elsewhere so the trivia section can be removed? Trivia sections aren't recommended in FA's. Also, there is no section citing their cultural influences and impact upon music. LuciferMorgan 13:50, 13 August 2006 (UTC)
 * OK I've removed the trivia and added a section. I don't like trivias either but as I've saw that many articles have them I included on this one Fluence 22:08, 14 August 2006 (UTC)
 * Many of the references for the influences section and impact are from Keaneshaped and as Underneath-it-All said, there should be more references apart from the fansite but that information can't be found anywhere else but the link I've just included (Keane.at) Fluence 00:20, 15 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Comment The page really is very imformative and no doubt it deserves 'featured status' Victoria Eleanor 14:48, 18 August 2006 (UTC)
 * Which criteria are you referring to? Tony 06:00, 20 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Object 1a. There is good in this article, but it needs thorough massaging throughout to meet the criterion. Let's look at three sentences in the lead.
 * "They are recognized worldwide because unlike most rock artists, they do not use a guitar in their music and because of Tom Chaplin's soft voice and falsetto. Despite this "no guitar" stance, they use synthesizers which sound almost exactly like guitars.[1] Keane have a particular style of music (piano rock) that many have compared to Coldplay, members of whom they met when they were at school."

I'm going to be very fussy:
 * would it be easier to read with another comma, before "unlike"?
 * "They" (being a band) contrasted with individual "artists"; use "bands" instead?
 * "voice" and "falsetto" are a category problem.
 * We're hit with the assertion that having no guitars is a "stance", after just being told that this is a characteristic of their musical texture. Before meeting it in passing, I'd rather have that deliberate stance or policy or philosophy formally explained, either here or in the body of the article.
 * The "despite" sentence seems to undermine the logic of their worldwide recognisability on the basis of having no guitars. It seems to be a reversal.
 * The two "becauses" are awkward—maybe the comma will improve this, but one because is a negative and the other is a positive. Why not draw these attributes together:
 * "They are easily recognized for the distinctive softness of Tom Chaplin's voice, often used in falsetto, and their use of synthesized rather than acoustic guitars." I'm unsure because I'm foreign to the topic, but it's wrong at the moment—I can see that much.


 * Remove "of music" as redundant. Why not "have a piano rock style that has been compared to the band Coldplay, ...". Should Coldplay be linked? "British band, Coldplay"? Dunno. Reference required to support your assertion that many people have said ...?

This is not nearly good enough. Tony 06:19, 20 August 2006 (UTC)


 * Edited for Tony1's demands.Fluence 00:48, 22 August 2006 (UTC)