Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Lesch-Nyhan syndrome/archive1

Lesch-Nyhan syndrome
self nom - yes i posted it again and i think its ready, and in addition the article is no more difficult to read than Asperger syndrome which is already a current featured article. --Larsie 20:52, 16 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Support. jengod 22:28, Dec 17, 2004 (UTC)
 * Support, as before. Geogre 23:11, 17 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Support. Filiocht 08:31, Dec 20, 2004 (UTC)
 * Support. Minor objections: 1) the symptoms in the Description section are somewhat repetitive. (i.e, self-mutilation mentioned in several different places). This section could use a careful copyedit for structure and flow -- basically well written, but doesn't seem quite as coherent as the rest of the article.  2) The division into male and female sections may be unnecessary, as some of the discussion under female seems to apply more to Genetics than the description of the disease itself.  (I'll leave that judgment call to the experts though).  Good work! Catherine\talk 21:06, 20 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * ok so i've fixed the repetitive references to self mutilation in that section, and in addition i think that the two seperate sections for male and female are relevant as it does affect both sexes in different ways and so then requires different sections. --Larsie 16:34, 21 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Did some more copyediting on this myself -- there was still quite a lot of overlap. Catherine\talk 08:45, 24 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Support. This has smoothed out nicely and shows a lot of dedication by Larsie and the power of collaborative editing. Well researched. Good job all. - Taxman 04:32, Dec 23, 2004 (UTC)
 * Comment. I found a lot that needed copyediting. Someone please revise the second sentence in the last paragraph under "In males". It appears to be either meaningless, incorrect, or both. BTW, if anyone wanted more pictures ... we're better off not seeing them.Sfahey 04:03, 24 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Good. That has been corrected. However, a subsequent overhaul has confused the sections. The section "In males" begins with a one-sentence paragraph-subsection, and follows with several subsections which refer not just to males but to LNS in general. I believe the article would best be served by eliminating the "In males" heading, since it is already understood to be virtually entirely a disease of males, and calling the "In females" section "LNS in females". Even the "PC Police" would not object to this. I will make this change now. LNS experts: feel free to alter this set-up.Sfahey 15:13, 24 Dec 2004 (UTC)
 * Comment and suggestion. I think the recent edits have reduced the considerable repetition of content, it is now better organized, with a better flow. I particularly like the introduction of the subsections in the description section. Concerning these, however, I have a suggestion. The description section begins by saying "LNS is mainly characterized by three major hallmarks: neurologic dysfunction, cognitive and behavioral disturbances, as well as uric acid overproduction (hyperuricemia)." This is followed by three subsections describing these hallmarks titled: "Overproduction of uric acid", "Nervous system impairment" and "Self-injuring behavior". I would like to see the order the hallmarks are given in the opening sentence and the order of the subsection titles be the same. I would also like a better match between the descriptions for the hallmarks used in both.