Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Nestory Irankunda/archive1

Nestory Irankunda

 * Nominator(s): JC Kotisow (talk) 07:21, 14 April 2024 (UTC)

Nestory Irankunda is a professional football player who plays as a winger for A-League Men club Adelaide United. He was born in Tanzania as a refugee to Burundian parents and moved to Australia at an early age.

This article went through several refinements to the point I believe can be considered a featured article although there are no images. This article has gone through two good article nominations, which have been approved last year. JC Kotisow (talk) 07:21, 14 April 2024 (UTC)

Oppose - Hi JC Kotisow, sorry to come with bad news but I don't think this article is quite ready to be a featured article yet, although it could be in future. I read through the article until "Player profile" and hit various problems which I think would be helped by putting the article through Peer review and/or an edit by the WikiProject Guild of Copy Editors before resubmitting at FAC. I think also it would prob be worth asking for guidance at WikiProject Football if you haven't done so already. Here's a list of the sort of issues I was hitting on a quick readthrough, the fact there are so many in half the text makes me think withdrawing and resubmitting would be the best course of action:


 * "His parents were originally from Burundi, but fled their home due to the Burundi Civil War escalating at the time" - repetition of Burundi
 * "Irankunda initially played with the reserve side.[15] After a couple of weeks, he started featuring for Adelaide United NPL side." - repetition of side
 * "His goal received media attention and praise from manager Carl Veart simply stating, "This is the talent that Nestor has."" - not grammatical, i'd expect something like: His goal received media attention and was praised by manager Carl Veart who said "this is the talent that Nestor has."
 * "the forward later stated he won't" - the forward later stated he will not
 * "to which he jokingly responded, "Nah, nah I’m going to England. Bruce is my agent"." - i'm lost, whats the joke here?
 * "In November 2022, Irankunda would miss the first Original Rivalry match of the 2022–23 season after facing a month suspension from the club for turning up late to several team meetings, as well as not doing the "chores" associated to being one of the club’s younger players." - closeparaphrasing with "The 16-year-old has been read the riot act and warned after turning up late to several team meetings, as well as not doing the ‘chores’ associated to being one of the club’s younger players." from theroar.com.au/2022/11/17/irankunda-suspension-a-lesson-for-all-young-players
 * "After his announcement to Bayern" - after the announcement he was moving to Bayern
 * In the post-match conference, Irankunda was criticised by Veart for not meeting to club standard, adding he hasn't "seen enough happiness from him."[87][88][89][90] - not sure why this needs four references? also has not for hasn't
 * "scoring a stunning goal " - it's not encyclopedic yo say this in wikipedia's voice, better to quote someone saying it (or not mention it at all)
 * On 14 November 2023, Adelaide United announced the sale of Irankunda to Bayern Munich for a club-record fee, with the forward set to join the club on 1 July 2024.[99][100][101][102] - this doensn't need four references, same for next sentence as well
 * "netting a hat-trick by the 38th-minute before" - weird that hat-trick is wikilinked on fourth mention in body and also not wikilinked in lead
 * "His second goal, a "world-class" powerful long-range strike, " - who is saying it's world class? text doesn't specify
 * "However, after Marco Tilio sustained an injury" - however not needed
 * "Coach Tony Vidmar stated his absence was to protect him from overwhelming pressure but remains in consideration for the squad, despite being deemed available by his club" - this sentence doesnt make sense
 * "he did not feature in either matches" - in either match
 * hope this helps and good luck with the article in future Mujinga (talk) 13:06, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Coord note -- Although some of the above points are minor and easily corrected, the overall concern with the writing is valid, and a quick glance at the latter half of the article indicates similar issues re. grammar and neutrality. Per Mujinga, I'd suggest a copyedit and listing at PR before returning to FAC. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:05, 22 April 2024 (UTC)

Ian Rose (talk) 23:05, 22 April 2024 (UTC)