Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Qalaherriaq/archive1

Qalaherriaq

 * Nominator(s): Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 22:24, 20 May 2024 (UTC)

This article is on Qalaherriaq (AKA Erasmus Augustine Kallihirua and many, many other names), a young Inughuit lad who served as a interpreter (after an essential abduction) in the 1850s, converted to Christianity, and tragically died at around 22. This was my first article in a series on Inuit interpreters. I have tried to squeeze as much as I can out of these sources, and it's the kind of story I'd like to run at TFA down the line :3 Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 22:24, 20 May 2024 (UTC)

Image review

 * Why two copies of the same image?


 * File:Qalaherriaq, 1850s, Inughuit hunt (cropped).jpg is missing alt text


 * File:Qalaherriaq_signature.svg needs a US tag. Ditto File:Qalaherriaq,_1850s,_Inughuit_hunt_(cropped).jpg, File:Qalaherriaiq_map.jpg, File:Qalaherriaq,_Buried_Esquimaux.jpg. Nikkimaria (talk) 04:54, 21 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Alrighty, licensing and alt-text should all be fixed. I originally had two of the same because I wanted to show both angles of the double-portrait but also thought the front-facing was the best image of him... but I was able to find a good-quality scan of an 1855 drawing of him, and that I think is a step up. Generalissima (talk) (it/she)


 * When and where was File:Qalaherriaq_signature.svg first published? Ditto File:Qalaherriaiq_map.jpg. Nikkimaria (talk) 00:48, 22 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Signature is from a letter which was later stored in archives, which I guess counts as unpublished. The map I realize was not included in the book about the subject and is also unpublished. Corrected this. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 06:48, 23 May 2024 (UTC)
 * Hi Nikkimaria, any further thoughts? Gog the Mild (talk) 10:13, 1 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Nothing from me. Nikkimaria (talk) 00:08, 2 July 2024 (UTC)

sawyer777's comments
will be back later; ping me if i seem to have forgotten about it! ... sawyer  * he/they *  talk  05:59, 23 May 2024 (UTC) ... sawyer  * he/they *  talk  03:28, 26 May 2024 (UTC)
 * (in Wolstenholme Fjord section) some context may do well here - what was particularly hard about this era, compared to other periods of Greenlandic history? ...  sawyer  * he/they *  talk  08:01, 25 May 2024 (UTC)
 * i'd like to hear a little more about this biography, if there's more to write about it - what kind of impact did it have? how did it reflect the relationship between Murray & Qalaherriaq? ... sawyer * he/they *  talk  03:26, 26 May 2024 (UTC)
 * The sources elaborate on this a little - I added some context. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 03:08, 11 June 2024 (UTC)
 * presumably the seven bodies were victims of the epidemic, but this definitely took me a second to figure out, especially as the immediate context is looking for victims of a violent massacre. edit: it's also a comma splice
 * Oops, fixed.

sawyer777's source review
incoming! (disclosure: Generalissima asked me to do a source review) ... sawyer * he/they *  talk  04:18, 9 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Cyriax 1962 could use archiving.
 * I don't think it's possible to archive, as it's paywalled by T&F. I archived the museum source tho. - G
 * side-note, i often wish the archiving parameters didn't strictly require the URL, so that we could avoid URL-DOI redundancy. (OR if we had DOI archiving parameters??)
 * also don't think the "via" parameter helps much here, and it's given inconsistently.
 * no issues with the sourcing quality; primary sources are designated as such and the secondary sources are mostly academic. the non-academic sources (Nunatsiaq News, Canadian Encyclopedia which is marked green, & maybe Malaurie 2003?) don't give me much pause, and seem perfectly good for what they're cited to.
 * spot-check:
 * ref 1a - yep
 * 3b - also good
 * 7a - yes
 * 11a - yes
 * 16 - yes
 * 20 - a lot packed into this one, & it all checks out!
 * 26 - i assume this is supposed to say p. 994, in which case it checks out (& can be merged with ref 28). poor guy :,(
 * Oops, fixed. - G
 * 33 - yes, and could probably be changed to just p. 986
 * Fixed. -G
 * 37 - page does not mention an autopsy but otherwise good. (the autopsy is mentioned on p. 994, so you could just add that to the citation!)
 * Fixed. - G
 * in general, not many complaints! ... sawyer  * he/they *  talk  06:16, 9 June 2024 (UTC)
 * I think everything is fixed up! Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 03:08, 11 June 2024 (UTC)
 * all checks out for me; good work. with the context of the other reviews, support! ... sawyer  * he/they *  talk  06:42, 11 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Hi and thanks for your work on this, Can I just double check that I should take this as a pass on the source review, a pass on the spot check, and a general support for promotion? Cheers. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:39, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
 * yep! ... sawyer  * he/they *  talk  17:42, 25 June 2024 (UTC)

Support by Pickersgill-Cunliffe

 * Suggest including the "HMS" in the ship links, looks awkward splitting it up
 * Fixed. - G
 * Forsyth was a commander, not a captain
 * Fixed. - G
 * A word or two introducing what Prince Albert and Assistance were doing in the area when first mentioned would be useful. They're currently thrown into the text a little haphazardly
 * Added context here.
 * John Ross should be Sir John Ross - also maybe a word to note that he wasn't actually part of this official search party?
 * Fixed. - G
 * The text raises some confusion over the different groups of ships looking for Franklin. Initial reading suggests that Penny and the Assistance groups (you should also note who was leading this, because it's currently unclear with the first mention of senior officers being both Forsyth and Ommanney) were separate, but we then get "Ommanney and Petersen returned..." which suggests otherwise. The text should more obviously explain the makeup of this group of ships, what it was doing and who was a part of it
 * Added context as above.
 * Considering there's no link, a word or two prefacing what exactly Prince Albert is would be useful
 * Fixed. - G
 * "Snow's" - give his full name and explain who he is, why should the reader find his account impactful?
 * Done. - G
 * Link brigs
 * Done. -G
 * Per above, if you're going to preface a ship with its type then do that for all of them
 * Okay, done. - G
 * Suggest redlinking ship names where appropriate, e.g. HMS Sophia
 * Done. - G
 * Do we know anything about Lady Franklin? She isn't showing up in any of my lists of Royal Navy ships
 * Ah, she's not Royal Navy it turns out! Private ship built for the purpose. Corrected. - G
 * "the life of the party" is there a particular person attributed to this quote?
 * I knew I saw this somewhere talking about him, but I could not find it again. I took the quote out. - G
 * "and do not reflect"
 * Fixed. - G
 * Link midshipman
 * Corrected. - G
 * "an Assistance midshipman" suggests there were others, when actually Markham was the only one in the expedition
 * Oh, good point. Corrected. - G
 * "of the Franklin expedition"
 * Fixed. - G
 * "Qalaherriaq was placed in St Augustine's College"
 * Fixed. - G
 * "Qalaherriaq had suffered"
 * Fixed. -G
 * " Captain Ommanney"
 * Fixed. - G
 * Split out the links for Edward Feild and Bishop of Newfoundland
 * Fixed. - G
 * Suggest adding a conversion for the £25
 * Added. - G
 * "Memorial University.)" Move full stop outside of bracket
 * Good catch, fixed. - G

Some initial comments here. I will look to come back at a later date for another read through. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 18:11, 23 May 2024 (UTC)
 * I'm sorry that it took a while (and that I finished during a time where you assuredly quite busy!) But I added context and implemented your suggestions. :) Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 23:26, 10 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Hi, I was wondering if you felt in a position to either support or oppose this nomination? Obviously, neither is obligatory. Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 13:30, 24 June 2024 (UTC)
 * I've been meaning to get back to this for ages now but it kept slipping my mind. Happy to support. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 13:47, 24 June 2024 (UTC)

Putting down a marker for now. - SchroCat (talk) 09:05, 5 June 2024 (UTC)
 * SC
 * SchroCat Gog the Mild (talk) 13:21, 24 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Yes? - SchroCat (talk) 13:25, 24 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Apologies. False alarm. I somehow managed to miss your entire review below! Time for a break I think. Gog the Mild (talk) 13:28, 24 June 2024 (UTC)
 * LOL - no problems! - SchroCat (talk) 13:38, 24 June 2024 (UTC)

That's my lot. Interesting article which I enjoyed. – SchroCat (talk) 19:13, 8 June 2024 (UTC)
 * IB
 * In the article you list numerous variations of his name, but only include two here. Any reason?
 * There are so many that I had to trim it down a little bit; Qalaherriaq and Kallihirua are the only ones common in modern academic sources, and the latter is luckily contained within his baptismal name. The other ones are mostly minor spelling variations from period accounts. I added a brief efn here, inspired by other articles of figures with numerous names.
 * Lead
 * "victim to a British abduction": "victim of a British abduction" would be more common in BrEng, (or, even better, "victim of abduction by the British"), but is your form okay in CanEng?
 * I think "victim of" is more universal anyhow, so I'll use it. - G
 * Search for Franklin's expedition
 * "the Admirality launched": Spelling: Admiralty
 * Fixed, thank you. - G
 * Interpreter service
 * In the quote box: "Ethnology, 1875 [13]" there's a naughty little space crept in before the citation
 * Oops! Fixed. - G
 * "of the HMS Resolute ... the HMS Pioneer": we're not supposed to use the definite article before ships are introduced: just HMS will suffice
 * Oh, TIL. Fixed. - G
 * 'uncivilised life."': should be 'uncivilised life".', per WP:LQ
 * Ooh yep, fixed. - G
 * "a adolescent son": "an adolescent son"
 * Fixed. - G
 * England
 * "Eskimaux and English vocabulary, for the use of the Arctic expeditions": as this is a book, it should be in title case
 * Oops, yep. Fixed! - G
 * I think I have responded to everything! Thank you so much. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 01:29, 11 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Support. All good for me. - SchroCat (talk) 02:34, 11 June 2024 (UTC)

Support from PMC
Committing to a review, throw popcorn at me if I don't get to it within a week. &spades;PMC&spades; (talk) 22:57, 12 June 2024 (UTC)

Please picture me dodging an onslaught of popcorn as I leave these comments.
 * The lead is a nice tidy summary of the article
 * Minor gripe "describe him as victim" normally that would be "as the victim", no?
 * Fixed. - G
 * "with his family mourning him". The "with X" construction always reads a bit awkwardly to me (especially since the sentence says "with...without"). It might take some jiggling - maybe split it into its own sentence? "His family, who never learned his fate, mourned him as lost"? idk.
 * Does this make more sense now? - G
 * Side note: body says his mother mourned, lead says family. Minor contradiction but it is one so I'm pointing it out
 * Ah yeah fair point. Source just says "mother" TBF, so aligning with body. - G
 * I'd cheat that crayon drawing bigger with upright=1.5 at least. Could do the ship image too.
 * Good idea. - G
 * "A landing party, including Charles Forsyth and Captain Erasmus Ommanney went to shore aboard HMS Intrepid, followed by the other ships." - I think this either needs another comma after Ommanney, or no comma after party
 * Yeah. - G
 * 4/5 bluelinks in the Cape York landing section are dupelinks (exception of Kalaallit). Not sure they're far enough away from the originals that it's justified
 * Good point, fixed. - G
 * "Qalaherriaq was described in Ommanney's diary..." this sentence is very passive voice. Not a hill I'll die on but you could revise to be more active, along the lines of: "Ommanney's diary described Qalaherriaq as readily volunteering to go with the expedition, not even returning to camp to gather his possessions."
 * Yeah, that works better. - G
 * "family; however, this account" - I think you need the semi-colon or the however but not both
 * Oh, yeah. I'm bad with semicolons. - G
 * I think para 1 and 2 of Interpreter service work better as one, since they're both on the same topic. Come to consider - are the "later British sources" you mentioned earlier after the "period descriptions" in para 2? Might want to rearrange these to be chronological
 * Those are the period sources (later meaning "after the expedition", but now I realize one isn't even British. Fixed this a bit.)
 * "Qalaherriaq's volunteering to service" the grammar here just feels awkward to me. "Qalaherriaq's decision to volunteer" perhaps?
 * Good point. - G
 * "Qalaherriaq was originally supposed to be returned to his family" per who?
 * Petersen, clarified. - G
 * 3 more dupelinks here - HMS Resolute, Inuktun, and Greenlandic (you duplicate Greenlandic a couple more times later too)
 * Oops. Fixed. - G
 * I might make the box quote a little skinnier here, it feels odd to have it sticking out so far past the image (this is one hundred percent what I would call a personal aesthetic preference, so if you like it as it is, I won't be shirty)
 * Yeah, that's a fair point though. - G
 * "a trope of" - troupe, I think?
 * "Qalaherriaq was the subject of..." this sentence is very long
 * "do not reflect Inuit mapping" - my focus is more on clothing, so I'm not sure of this, but did the Inuit have much of a written cartographic tradition? If so, how did it differ from the European style?
 * They had carved models of coastlines! Thank you, that's a good thing to mention. - G
 * "due to a recent epidemic" do we know what of? No worries if not
 * Sadly, the sources don't specify.
 * I understand the decision to use Inuit words for things that aren't common in English, but since "igloo" is the common English term, why not use it?
 * Yknow, that's fair. - G
 * you know what I always do when I come across a plague grave, I excavate it
 * This is once again an aesthetic thing, but having the image and quote both on the left feels odd.
 * I don't think I could avoid sandwiching if they were alternated here.
 * "Here he learned to read and write while receiving a religious education. During his time at St Augustine's, he additionally served as an apprentice to a local tailor." - you could combine these two sentences
 * Good idea. - G
 * Why stick the painting paragraph at the end, out of chronological order?
 * Ooh, yeah, flows better that point. - G
 * Poor Qalaherriaq. This is a pretty straightforward biography - just curious, is there any modern analysis or reflection about him worth including?
 * Just the sources I cite already; but they aren't really talking about each-other, mostly just critiquing the 19th century accounts. -G

Mostly nitpicks and gripes, no serious concerns or issues. Another excellent piece of hidden history from you. &spades;PMC&spades;
 * Okay! I think I got to everything. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 14:06, 20 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Looking good to me! &spades;PMC&spades; (talk) 02:46, 21 June 2024 (UTC)

Comments from Joeyquism
Also committing to a review here. Should get to it when I wake up. joeyquism ( talk page ) 07:15, 14 June 2024 (UTC)

What an incredibly unfortunate and sad story. Nevertheless, it's very interesting and you've written it beautifully overall. Some things that I've noted are listed below; feel free to refuse suggestions with justification:


 * - What I'm thinking here is the use of "notably" in the case of fame or being worth paying attention to, which is technically not incorrect if applying the latter definition, but I think "noticeably" is a bit better here.
 * - Missing a clear indicator as to who denied the violence; was it the officers/interpreters, or the Inughuits (both of whom are also assumedly explorers in this case)? Might be pedantry, but may be worth bringing up IMO.
 * - Is "Inuk" the antecedent for Qalaherriaq, or are the Inuk people in general depicted as praising Europeans? Within the context, it's clear what it means, but could be made a bit clearer.
 * Add American English template

Otherwise, I'm not seeing anything glaring that needs to be fixed; of course, let me know if I'm being a pedant above. Very well-done; I am personally feeling a lot sadder now having read the accounts of that poor boy :( Thank you for your work in wonderfully telling the story of a young man who definitely deserved a much, much better life. joeyquism  (talk page ) 15:23, 14 June 2024 (UTC)
 * I think I fixed everything you've mentioned here. Thank you very much for your review. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 17:58, 14 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Support - Looks great! Thank you for all your hard work on this article; it was a great read. joeyquism  (talk page ) 18:02, 14 June 2024 (UTC)

elias
full disclosure, I learned about the existence of the FAC through WP:Discord, though this review is completely by my own accord. i'll try to leave some comments this weekend. PSA 🏕️🪐 (please make some noise...) 04:28, 21 June 2024 (UTC)

Ok @Generalissima, two initial comments I have: Will read the rest tomorrow evening since I still have a tight schedule this week. PSA 🏕️🪐 (please make some noise...) 13:57, 2 July 2024 (UTC)
 * "He arrived at St. John's in October 1855, and began study at the Theological Institute" am I tweaking or does "study" need a conjugation here?
 * Ok, I thought "began study" was a more common phrasing but it turns out to be pretty archaic so I rephrased it. - G
 * You have a missing comma after "vessel" in "coupled with the Inughuit's great excitement aboard the vessel resulted in no useful information"
 * Fixed. - G

Well, now that that's out of the way... That's pretty much all. Overall well-written; it just has a few things that need to be ironed out. Sorry it took me this long. Elias (PSA) 🏕️🪐 | [please make some noise] 00:37, 6 July 2024 (UTC)
 * You describe Inuktun in #Name as a dialect, but the article for it says it's a language. I understand terminology in linguistics can be a bit of a headache, so I wanted to clarify your usage of the terms here.
 * From what I can tell, it's classified as a dialect - of both Greenlandic and Inuktitut (dialect continuums are weird).
 * I would've edited this into the page but chose not to because it might come across as a stylistic preference. "these" in "these first of the expeditions" miiiight be a typo/be changed to "the"
 * Opes, yes. The first of these expeditions.
 * "under the command of" can be trimmed to "commanded by", a phrase you use for the other folks
 * "other British caretakers; as the secretary of the Society, had previously worked" what does this mean
 * Oops, missing a pronoun (and works better as a clean sentence break.)
 * Oops, missing a pronoun (and works better as a clean sentence break.)
 * There we go! Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 22:28, 6 July 2024 (UTC)

Drive-by comments

 * "he died at from complications". Some sort of typo here.
 * "A posthumous biography, Kalli, the Esquimaux Christian, was written about Qalaherriaq." Perhaps mention the date of publication. Gog the Mild (talk) 17:48, 25 June 2024 (UTC)
 * , nudge. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:10, 30 June 2024 (UTC)
 * Oops! Fixed both of these. Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 00:20, 1 July 2024 (UTC)

PerfectSoundWhatever
Hi there! I'm new to FAC reviews so feel free to disagree/give feedback, thanks.

More comments to follow. — PerfectSoundWhatever  (t; c) 19:29, 8 July 2024 (UTC)
 * First sentence is difficult to discern meaning from as a general reader. I don't know what "HMS Assistance" and "Franklin's lost expedition" are. It would be helpful to quickly introduce/contextualize these.
 * Rephrased. - G
 * Would change "Canterbury" -> "Canterbury, England" for context.
 * Fixed. - G
 * It might be nice to abbreviate "Society for Promoting Christian Knowledge" such that the second mention doesn't repeat it.
 * Fixed. - G
 * Overall, lead is well-written.
 * "This was rendered Kallihirua" -> "This was rendered as Kallihirua"
 * Fixed. - G
 * Inconsistent use of quotation marks: why is Kalli quoted but Kallihirua, Qalasirssuaq, etc. not.
 * Since "Kalli" is a nickname, but the others are transliterations of his name or actual names assigned to him. - G
 * contextualize "the Admiralty" if you can.
 * Contextualised. - G
 * it feels odd that 95% of the content in "Early life" is background information that doesn't involve Qalaherriaq. I would structure this in a way that puts a "Background" section first, and follows with a more chronological biography. Or, keep the structure, and rename some of the first level headers.
 * Renamed a header; i want to keep his early life before the background so the reader actually gets to "meet" Qalaherriaq first before all the necessary context to understand why he was approached by that expedition.
 * "the only ship that could be readily identified" by whom? This took a couple of re-reads to understand.
 * Rephrased. - G
 * Hi and thanks for that. Could you sign reviews, four tildes. Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 18:20, 8 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Apologies, was interrupted midway and forgot. — PerfectSoundWhatever  (t; c) 19:29, 8 July 2024 (UTC)
 * No worries. Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 20:14, 8 July 2024 (UTC)

That's all really for prose. Very well-written article overall. I'll do a quick spotcheck as well:
 * link "oral histories" like you do in the lead
 * Fixed. - G


 * From this version
 * [4]b can't find "the Assistance crossed Baffin Bay" backed up in the source.
 * I mean yes, but the Barrow Strait is directly across Baffin Bay from Greenland. If a source says someone sailed from London to New York, we don't need to find a source to say that they crossed the Atlantic while doing so.
 * [5]c Petersen part checks out. I can't find the Parker Snow segment, or the quote "young man without father or mother" in Høvik & Jeremiassen 2023. What am I missing?
 * Ops, needed to repeat the Martin cite there. -G
 * [16][17] looks good
 * [34] good

Thanks — PerfectSoundWhatever  (t; c) 02:41, 9 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Fixed! Generalissima (talk) (it/she) 04:28, 9 July 2024 (UTC)
 * Looks good, I'll support —  PerfectSoundWhatever  (t; c) 05:41, 9 July 2024 (UTC)

Gog the Mild (talk) 17:11, 9 July 2024 (UTC)