Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Toraja/archive1

Toraja
Self-nomination of an article about indigenous ethnic group in Indonesia. The article has been through a peer-review and it has recently been archived. We haven't yet any Indonesia-related article for FA, so it's a good shot with this article. A reviewer said that this article is ready for FA and I've checked the FA criteria, which I think it is. Your critics/suggestions are very welcomed. &mdash; Indon ( reply ) &mdash; 12:08, 28 September 2006 (UTC)
 * Object for now, but it has great potential. The culture section is not comprehensive. While it covers some interesting things, it doesn't cover language, food, music, dance, etc. We should know the language distribution, what outside languages people speak, and a sumary of the language's features. There's sort of economic information weaved in the article, but nothing clear and cohesively organized. Just tell us in a cohesive section what the principal economic activities are, how many people work elsewhere, what the wealth distribution is, etc. I can't think off the top of my head what all topics an article on an ethnic group should cover, but try looking at others, including articles on geographic entities to see if any other major headings would apply here. The lead is confusing, it says most are Christian and Muslim, then goes on to say Torajan religian is recognized as Hindu. Does that mean a Torajan religion or the religion of everyone? The word Torajan as an adjective could imply the religion of all Torajan people. If so, how does that coordinate with most people being Christian? Finally, eliminate the short, one and two sentence orphan paragraphs. They should either be expanded, merged with related material or removed. The last sentence of the lead needs more context for aluk to make sense to someone that doesn't already know the subject. - Taxman Talk 17:36, 28 September 2006 (UTC)
 * Answers:
 * Yeah, I think the article is not comprehensive enough. I'll take a note of your suggestions in the To-Do list.
 * Torajan is the adjective word for Toraja people. Their religions are varied, but there is one original Torajan religion before the Dutch came. However, it's a good input. I'll fix the unclear.
 * &mdash; Indon ( reply ) &mdash; 09:22, 29 September 2006 (UTC)
 * Object per Taxman. Also, the lead is too long: it should briefly summarize the article, about 3 paragraphs, and entice the author to read further.  As noted by Taxman, there are many short and stubby paragraphs: article flow needs to be improved to compelling/brilliant level.  Some prose is awkward, and has weasle words ("Slavery in Toraja was often self-imposed as an alternative to starvation. Sometimes people became slaves when they had a debt, pledging to work as payment. In this case, they became the family's property.")  What is that floating "Indonesian" in the middle of the page above Notes? (A note:  good start, good sources, but be wary of GA reviewers making claims about FA readiness :-) Sandy 18:24, 28 September 2006 (UTC)
 * Answers:
 * The lead is in 4 paragraphs for the following aims: (1) context (2) ethymology (3) summary of its culture (4) summary of its history. I want to make it able to stand as one article, per WP:LS. Compressed lead section into 3 paragraphs. Anyway, the lead section is much shorter than Cricket, for example.
 * The floating "Indonesian" was came from the WP:CITET template for the language optional field. I'm just following the template guideline. Fixed.
 * ... and thanks for your valuable inputs. &mdash; Indon ( reply ) &mdash; 09:22, 29 September 2006 (UTC)