Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/Tunnel Vision (song)/archive1


 * The following is an archived discussion of a featured article nomination. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the article's talk page or in Wikipedia talk:Featured article candidates. No further edits should be made to this page.

The article was not promoted by Ian Rose (talk) 12:15, 11 June 2014 (diff).

Tunnel Vision (song)

 * Nominator(s): — Tomíca (T2ME) 15:00, 21 May 2014 (UTC)

This article is about... a song recorded by American singer-songwriter Justin Timberlake which is called "Tunnel Vision". It was released as third single from his third studio album The 20/20 Experience. I believe this article deserves to be a featured one because I have worked hard on it since the day I created it and was released. Many thanks to other reviewers who helped me while building it. Cheers! — Tomíca (T2ME) 15:00, 21 May 2014 (UTC)

Comments from WikiRedactor

 * One external link to correct.
 * The thing with that one is that it needs password for access, meaning it can't be fixed.


 * The "Critical reception" and "Commercial performance" sections are fairly short by comparison with other sections in the article; I would suggest maybe merging them into one "Reception" section with the option of subheadings for "Critical response" and "Commercial performance" if desired.
 * Done


 * In the "Music video" section, I would suggest grouping "Conception and fashion" into one subheading and "Critical reception and ban" into another; to me, it seems that the clothing connects more with the overall vision of the clip, while discussing the ban fits well with the extensive critical commentary surrounding the nudity.
 * Done


 * Can you find a source the the radio edit track length?
 * The source is in the iTunes and 7digital release references already.


 * Generally in "Release history" sections, I place citations under a separate column, although this is just a matter of personal taste if you're interested in that option.
 * The template for Ref. #76 (iTunes Store) appears to be broken.
 * It perfectly opens for me :/.

The article was already in great shape when I reviewed the article for GAN last year, and I'm happy to see that it has only gotten better from there! There is minimal and appropriate usage of non-free content where needed, and the article is supported by numerous reputable sources. After the above comments are addressed, I will be happy to give my support to the nomination! WikiRedactor (talk) 20:26, 22 May 2014 (UTC)
 * Thank you —  Tomíca (T2ME) 08:43, 24 May 2014 (UTC)

Comments from XXSNUGGUMSXX
Oppose for the following reasons:

General notes:
 * 1) The article seems to be inconsistent with use of publishers. Either use them for all known or none.
 * 2) You never need to use the same ref more than once in a row within a paragraph per WP:OVERCITE.
 * 3) When using different articles from the same source, just link the work and publication in the first ref used, and not the rest.
 * 4) Avoid contractions unless part of a quote or title (something I fixed myself)
 * 5) ′ should be ' and ″ should be " per MOS:QUOTEMARKS (something I fixed myself)
 * I believe this is all DONE. ;)

As for other bits.....
 * "Timothy "Timbaland" Mosely, Jerome "J-Roc" Harmon" → "Timbaland, J-Roc".
 * Not done per the official booklet of the album, they are credited as Timothy Mosley and Jerome Harome respectively for writing and Timbaland and J-Roc for producing, thus this option is the best.
 * I should've been more specific- in the "writers" section of infobox the real names are fine, but in the lead and body it's better to use the WP:COMMONNAME and in this case is more concise. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)
 * Done (only in the lead though).


 * Please also correct the redirects to J-Roc.
 * Done


 * "Timbaland's signature ad-libs"..... I wouldn't include "signature" here as not everyone reading this article is automatically going to know what Timbaland's previous material is like.
 * Done/Removed


 * The Huffington Post shouldn't be italicized as it is an online-only publication. Publisher is Arianna Huffington. However, I recommend replacing these refs with better sources if possible.
 * Sorry, it's not possible since all of them are reviews, and I strongly believe in the reliability of this source. Also the title of the article on Wiki is italicized, so I think we should respect it's policy.
 * I see it is italicized, and take that bit back on italics. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * Amazon (store) should just be Amazon.com.
 * Done.


 * Per WP:ALBUM/SOURCES, user reviews from Sputnikmusic shouldn't be used. Unless I'm reading things wrong, this seems to be a user review.
 * Not really, he is an emeritus.
 * In that case, this review is fine to include XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * Publisher for Pitchfork Media is Ryan Schreiber.
 * Publisher for musicOMH is Michael Hubbard.
 * Publisher for Consequence of Sound is Alex Young.
 * Publisher for HipHopDX is Sharath Cherian.
 * Publisher for Fact (UK magazine) is The Vinyl Factory.
 * Publisher for Amazon.com is Capital Group Companies
 * Publisher for Spin (magazine) is Spin Media
 * I removed the publishers
 * You forgot one for Music Week, but I fixed that bit XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * This is from Hollywood.com, not The Hollywood Reporter
 * Done


 * MTV Buzzworthy → MTV News
 * Not done, the publication is not the same
 * Seemed to be a division of it, but apparently not XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * E! News and E! Online should just read E!, and publisher is NBCUniversal
 * Done
 * You forgot one that has now been fixed by yours truly :P XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * The Robin Thicke picture isn't really needed. Try instead having someone who was in the music video (not counting Mr. Timberlake himself)
 * Oh yeah his picture is relevant, he gave a response to the video also it was very heavily compared to his video so his picture can stay. Also there is a screenshot of the video upwards.
 * I've noticed the screenshot, though was referring to other people who star in the vid if identities were known. You've got a point on Thicke's commentary, though- there was controversy between the videos for this and the one for "Blurred Lines" XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * Cry Me a River was a 2002 single, not 2003.
 * Ooops, my mistake


 * I'm skeptical about using New York Daily News
 * Why questioning a totally reliable source?
 * Mostly since it is known for being involved in a "tabloid war" with New York Post (as Forbes describes it), though I will grant you that NY Daily News is significantly more reliable than NY Post. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * Daily Mirror needs to be replaced with a better source
 * Done, replaced it


 * "Entertainment Wise" should really read "Entertainmentwise", and I've recently found out this actually isn't a good source.
 * Removed it


 * MTV UK → MTV
 * Again, different regional version
 * My bad, seemed like simply a subsidiary of MTV XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)


 * (2013—14) → (2013–14) per WP:DASH
 * Done

There's my 2 ¢. You'll have my support after fixing them all up. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 00:58, 25 May 2014 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your feedback . I really did my best to do your picks and explain the other ones. Cheers! — Tomíca (T2ME) 10:16, 25 May 2014 (UTC)
 * You're welcome :). This is on its way to FA, but isn't there just yet. XXSNUGGUMSXX (talk) 17:19, 25 May 2014 (UTC)

Comments from Petergriffin9901
Reference formatting Reference credibility Prose/factuality/trivial content
 * Oppose
 * Rap-Up & The Huffington Post are online websites, hence they shouldn't be italicized
 * Done. — Status  ( talk  ·  contribs ) 20:34, 26 May 2014 (UTC)
 * What makes "Hollyood.com", "Drowned in Sound", "HipHopDX", Fact & "Video Static" reliable and up to FA standards?
 * What makes them not? — Status  ( talk  ·  contribs ) 20:34, 26 May 2014 (UTC)
 * Timberlake isn't a singer-songwriter. Maybe you mean singer and singwriter
 * his third studio album The 20/20 Experience (2013). -> his third studio album, The 20/20 Experience (2013).
 * Timberlake proclaims that he has a tunnel vision for his love interest and uses several voyeuristic references.
 * most of whom praised Timbaland's production and compared it to his work with singer Aaliyah. -> I see one critic making such a comparison
 * its album's highlight. After the album's release -> repetitive prose
 * The song debuted on the singles chart in South Korea at number 27 and sold 6,670 digital copies. -> In its first week or to date?
 * It was most successful on the UK R&B Singles Chart where it peaked at number eight. -> I see it peaked at #2 in Indonesia?
 * Timberlake and Timbaland stare at three nude women and perform choreographed dances. -> Weak prose
 * Critics labeled the video as NSFW and drew strong comparisons to the visual for Robin Thicke's 2013 single "Blurred Lines". -> Total switch in tense/not proper sentence
 * was shortly reinstated with the condition that viewers are required to confirm their age. -> awkward/improper tense shifts
 * Other instrumentalists on the song were Harmon, -> Is he no longer featured on the song?
 * How is instrumentation vintage?
 * The instrumentation, produced by Timbaland, is vintage and features "fizzing" beats assisted by the producer's ad-libs, vocal record-scratches, heavy drums, "syncopated backbone amidst frenetically shifting bass melodies", wide-ranging orchestrations and "vacuous" synths that all connect into "fuzzed out boom-bap" -> run-on - weak/improper incorporation of quotes
 * "Tunnel Vision" features "thrilling" evolution on both, the detailed production and the arrangement which falls exactly at right time with Timberlake's vocals. -> awkward
 * The unusual and sharp changes that the song features enjoin the track together as it ebbs and veers through its running. -> extremely vague and confusing
 * Due to its similarity, "Tunnel Vision" borrows the "dark alley" rhythm of the third track on the album "Don't Hold the Wall"; on the song, Timberlake sings in his lower register which spreads out an "exciting" upward arpeggio. -> Due to what similarity? This sentence reads very awkwardly
 * Simultaneously, Timbaland uses Timberlake's voice as a "flexible instrument to enhance his tech savvy soundscape" -> Your usage of quotes is very random and out of place, often making the review difficult to understand
 * as he constructs "layers of production elements into towers of sonic force." -> more of the same. I suggest paraphrasing (it's becoming tiresome to read) or being more precise with your execution.
 * Lauren Martin of Fact regarded the song as a start to Timbaland's "Bollywood influenced 'Indian Flute' era" and a teasing element that features Timberlake's voice redistributed with wider range and suspense -> very choppy/no flow. We also have that tense shift again..
 * In a review of The 20/20 Experience, Jean Bentley of The Hollywood Reporter called both "Tunnel Vision" and "Strawberry Bubblegum" the album's "electro-tinged jams". -> Seems misplaced. Nothing critical in this sentence at all, just a short description on its production
 * Clyde Erwin Barretto of Prefix Magazine praised the production, which he felt can excite listeners. -> praised, excite
 * Spin magazine's Jordan Sargent wrote that with the song, Timbaland proves that he can still produce otherworldly beats. -> Not really what he says in the review
 * The Guardian source redirects to the homepage
 * Jordan Sargent of Spin said that the set pieces in which projections of Timberlake interact with the nude dancers represent "a fractured dynamic that mirrors 'Tunnel Vision' itself". -> confusing. What set pieces? In which projections of T interact? You mean 'projected onto their bodies'
 * wrote that Timberlake drew on Thicke's video. -> awkward
 * a "great" song with a video that objectifies women, who according to her enjoy dancing naked to the song's lyrics. -> The latter part doesn't fit at all
 * In a review of the video, Rachel Maresca of New York Daily News wrote that Timberlake blurred some of the explicit lyrics of the song in its music video. -> doesn't really make sense
 * Clash's Robin Murray noted that pop music has lacked raunchiness and sex appeal for a while so that's why according to him the return of Timberlake was needed, "Lavish, lush and 21st century in a direct, shocking fashion, the video finds Justin Timberlake on perfect preening form." -> poor prose. 'That's why according to him the return of T was needed'?
 * In a review of the concert, John Balfe of entertainment.ie wrote that, "Even the album's more well-known songs like 'Tunnel Vision', 'Mirrors' and 'Suit & Tie' don't yet have the same weight in the setlist as some of JT's more established hits and it was songs like 'SexyBack' that really got the 40,000 strong crowd to move." -> trivial/fluff. Says nothing on the actual song
 * The list goes on. The article needs more work in terms of its execution. I find much of your paraphrasing to be questionable, and your quotes to be heavy-handed and misplaced.-- Peter Griffin  &bull;  Talk2Me   17:32, 26 May 2014 (UTC)

Closing comment -- I'm afraid that with no activity for a couple of weeks and many comments yet to be addressed, it's time to archive this. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:13, 11 June 2014 (UTC)

Ian Rose (talk) 12:15, 11 June 2014 (UTC)
 * The above discussion is preserved as an archive. Please do not modify it. No further edits should be made to this page.