Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/William D. Mullins/archive1

William D. Mullins

 * Nominator(s): Curbon7 (talk) 20:09, 16 January 2023 (UTC)

My first FAC. This article is about a minor league baseball pitcher-turned-state legislator who rose to prominence as an honest person in a legislature historically known for its corruption. Big advocate for Western Massachusetts. This subject came to my attention as he is the namesake of the Mullins Center. Curbon7 (talk) 20:09, 16 January 2023 (UTC)

Coordinator comments
Thanks. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:02, 18 January 2023 (UTC)
 * As the nominator is a first time FACer, the article will require a spot check for source to text fidelity.
 * Hi, can I ask if you were/are being mentored per the FAC instructions? "Editors considering their first nomination, and any subsequent nomination before their first FA promotion, are strongly advised to seek the involvement of a mentor, to assist in the preparation and processing of the nomination."


 * I was not mentored. In retrospect, I would've benefited from discussing the image copyrights with Nikkimaria prior. Curbon7 (talk) 12:49, 18 January 2023 (UTC)

Comments

 * Use of 's after a word ending in s seems inconsistent, but I am not sure what is standard in US English for a singular noun which ends in s. You have "one of Western Massachusetts' most" but later you have "Mullins's" and "the Senators's" (the last of which is definitely wrong BTW - with a plural noun ending in s it is always s' and never s's)
 * See below.


 * "Mullin's professional debut" should be either "Mullins's professional debut" or "Mullins' professional debut" depending on the resolution of the above point but definitely not what is there at the moment
 * Done.


 * "Originally run out of rented room" should be either "Originally run out of rented rooms" or "Originally run out of a rented room" depending how many rooms were involved
 * Done.


 * "without parent consent" => "without parental consent"
 * Done.


 * "with the courthouse serving as way to" => "with the courthouse serving as a way to"
 * Done.


 * "Mullins was a lifelong smoker, having smoked from the age of 17 until quitting in 1984" - not really lifelong, if he didn't start till he was 17 and stopped two years before he died. Maybe just say "a longtime smoker"
 * Done.


 * That's what I got :-) -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 20:56, 16 January 2023 (UTC)
 * For the apostrophes, I was following MOS:POSS for singular nouns, which states that "". Regardless, I re-jigged some sentences and pronoun-ed out to remove most instances of "Mullins's" as it was quite awkward in most instances, per that last sentence in "Singular nouns". I appreciate the review :)! Curbon7 (talk) 23:08, 16 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Support on prose -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 15:03, 17 January 2023 (UTC)

Image review In passing I'd also note that the article would benefit from a thorough edit for MOS compliance - I fixed a few issues but more work is needed. Nikkimaria (talk) 03:49, 17 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Suggest adding alt text
 * File:William_D._Mullins.png: the given fair-use tag is not appropriate for the proposed use of this image here. Normally I'd suggest non-free biog-pic, but in this case we do have a free image of the person so I'm not sure that is justified either. Have you verified that the publication included a copyright notice and whether the copyright was renewed?
 * File:Pierce_Mullins_DeFilippi_political_cartoon.png also has the incorrect fair-use tag, and if it's to be included the FUR will need to be strengthened
 * , Alt text has been added. For File:William_D._Mullins.png, I looked into the copyright databases and found no initial notice or renewal (following ); I would also figure this one meets NFCC#8 as the only image to show him as an athlete with no free alternative. I've gone ahead and removed and G7'd File:Pierce_Mullins_DeFilippi_political_cartoon.png, as it was definitely pushing the limit and it isn't really necessary. Curbon7 (talk) 13:38, 17 January 2023 (UTC)
 * On the athlete image, my question was more, are we sure this is non-free? Can we confirm the original publication had no notice included? Nikkimaria (talk) 03:15, 18 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Ok got it, sorry for the delay. There does appear to have been a notice included in the original, but it was not renewed. Curbon7 (talk) 12:38, 18 January 2023 (UTC)
 * So then PD-US-not renewed would apply? Nikkimaria (talk) 04:52, 20 January 2023 (UTC)
 * , After checking once more to be sure, yes the license was not renewed, so PD-US-not renewed does apply here. I have moved the image over to Commons with the proper licensing now. Thank you for your help! Curbon7 (talk) 20:58, 20 January 2023 (UTC)

Coordinator comment
Three weeks in and just the single general support. Unless this nomination makes significant further progress towards a consensus to promote over the next three or four days I am afraid that it is liable to be archived. Gog the Mild (talk) 23:04, 6 February 2023 (UTC)
 * Hold your horses, Gog! I'll review this next. - SchroCat (talk) 08:49, 8 February 2023 (UTC)

SC
Putting down a maker. - SchroCat (talk) 08:49, 8 February 2023 (UTC)

A word or two about names: there were times like I'd been sandbagged by the name "Mullins" here, so often was it repeated. A good rule of thumb for each paragraph is to use the name on the first mention and then he (or she) for the rest of the paragraph if there are no other names in the way. You'll see what I mean when you go through the suggestions below – "Mullins" used five times in one paragraph when there are no other names just jars – Use "he" where you can and "Mullins" where you have to.


 * Lead
 * "However": Delete the word – it's not appropriate
 * "Mullins had retired": just "he retired" will suffice.
 * "Mullins became a teacher" and "Mullins was elected": "He" will do
 * Para three: "Mullins used his position" and "Mullins was described" – "he" will suffice


 * Early life
 * "Mullins was described", "In baseball, Mullins" and "Mullins was also physically": He, he, he (although that makes me look like I'm laughing!)
 * "Mullins attended", "Mullins was described", "Mullins gave up" and "Mullins threw": guess what I'm going to suggest here...


 * 1953 season
 * Para one: lose the second and third uses of "Mullins"
 * $15,000 and $6,000: maybe use the inflation template to give a current figure to compare?
 * "fielded an offer": sporting metaphors don't work in encyclopaedic writing (even for sporting figures!): he received an offer.
 * Is there any reason why to took the position that was less than half the other?
 * "Nicknamed Moon Mullins during": just 'Nicknamed "Moon" during' (including having quote marks around the nickname, per MOS:NICKNAME)
 * After "In summer 1953", the two uses of Mullins should be "he"


 * 1954 season
 * Para 1: the second third and fourth uses of "Mullins" should be "he"
 * "In April, Mullins pitched": he
 * "Mullins managed" and "Mullins ended" should be "he"


 * Military service
 * The "atone for the mess" quote – you should identify who said it
 * "Verbale admitted": unless it was a crime he didn't "admit" it; see MOS:SAID
 * "Mullins briefly played": he


 * Education
 * Para 1: the second and third uses of "Mullins" -> he
 * "the high school's baseball coach": just "the school's baseball coach"

Refs 4, 36, 42, 47 and 123 all have the date formats January 15, 2023. For the sake of consistency you should change them to the 2023-01-15 format, like all the others.

Done to the end of the Education section. It's reviews like this that show why you should have gone through mentoring first. If this was from an experienced FA writer, I would have failed it on the spot and I'm still considering it now. Once we've culled the uses of Mullins from the article, I'll have to review again with fresh eyes to pick up other issues, but the repetition of the name gets in the way of proper reading and reviewing.

The option of withdrawing this nom to work on it at PR is also open to you - and probably something I'd strongly advise now; I'd be happy to help review the text at PR and then mentor you through the return to the FA process, if you would like - I will leave the offer for you to consider. – SchroCat (talk) 09:23, 9 February 2023 (UTC)


 * Oppose Sorry about this. I've been mulling over this one for a day and a half and tried re-reading without the plethora of "Mullins"s in the way, and think it's not ready for FAC yet. The previous offer still stands: withdraw, take it back to PR and ping me and I'll be happy to go over it all again step-by-step with what's needed. If you want to do that and bring it back to FAC at a later date, I'll be happy to help - just let me know. - SchroCat (talk) 23:25, 10 February 2023 (UTC)


 * Coord note -- tks Curbon for bringing this to FAC; I'm going to archive now and strongly suggest taking up the suggestion by SchroCat, one of our most experienced FA editors, to go to PR and perhaps also be mentored by him in a future nomination. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 12:00, 11 February 2023 (UTC)

Ian Rose (talk) 12:01, 11 February 2023 (UTC)