Wikipedia:Featured article candidates/William Utermohlen/archive3

William Utermohlen

 * Nominator(s): Realmaxxver (talk) 20:05, 3 April 2022 (UTC)

This article is about William Utermohlen, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease in 1995. Over the next five/six years, his self-portraits would become more distorted until around 2001, where he could not draw anymore.

I started work on this article in late-July 2021, and in that time, it has gone through two unsuccessful FACs (shown above), and two peer reviews (one unsuccessful). After around two and a half months of gradual changes after the second FAC, I think this article is (actually, maybe?) ready for FA-status. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:05, 3 April 2022 (UTC)

Ceoil
This may have failed in last noms due to lack of feedback. It needs a copyedit, wider (ie book) sourcing, and expansion in areas, all of which are do-able.
 * Merged and re-giged the lead, feel free to reverse.
 * Utermohlen's self-portraits gained attention after they were published in a 2001 paper from the medical journal The Lancet - paintings are not "published"; should this be reproduced, or detailed/examined ?
 * changed it to "after they were analysed" Realmaxxver (talk) 21:28, 15 April 2022 (UTC)


 * By 2002, he could no longer draw, and was sent to the Princess Louise nursing home in 2004 - is "sent" right here; entered is better, unless he was committed.
 * Yeah, I think that's better; though I think that your edit is better. Realmaxxver (talk) 21:28, 15 April 2022 (UTC)


 * In 1994 Utermohlen was commissioned to make a portrait of a client's family is completely under explained and begs the question too the point of, do you not know, or (less likely) was it a secret?
 * Reworded. Realmaxxver (talk) 18:00, 22 April 2022 (UTC)


 * "Head I" (2000) consists of a head with eyes, a mouth and a smudge on the left that appears to be an ear.[55] In the centre of the head itself, a crack is shown - keep as one sentence so we know not talking about the other heads...also as Head I is titled...how many were they, and did the follow the same titlinig format? - would be great to expand this section, which seems in part at least, influenced by Francis Bacons' Head series.
 * Merged into one sentence. Also, In some Wikipedia Library sources, it is just called "Head". Realmaxxver (talk) 22:11, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
 * We may have to consult somebody like SandyGeorgia for this, but do any of the source mention that the "masks" may relate to "Facial Masking" prevalent in late stage Parkinson's disease
 * The rest of the portraits are of a blank head, one of them erased - do you mean they consist of just the outline of a head, part of one which is scrubbed by an eraser. Now I'm seeing more and more how they are influenced by Francis Bacon which we need to expand on...re obliterated heads, which is what I think the source means, see Three Studies for a Self-Portrait, (Bacon, 1979), and Study for a Self-Portrait—Triptych, 1985–86 . I would really like you to mine sources in this area.
 * Patricia explained that his later work such as the Masks series shows similarities to movements such as German Expressionism. - and? This is highly relevant so please don't leave us hanging by only mentioning Expressionism.
 * Added. Realmaxxver (talk) 18:00, 22 April 2022 (UTC)


 * To note, this needs an extensive source review (which I can do) as 1 first time nom, 2 veers towards WP:MED
 * More later. Ceoil (talk) 20:20, 3 April 2022 (UTC)
 * Lead: Utermohlen's self-portraits have been displayed in several exhibitions, including in Chicago and London. This maybe misleading in establishing notability, as both cities have tiny art galleries that show works by friends. Say which galleries, which will hopefully be blue linked. Ceoil (talk) 00:20, 7 April 2022 (UTC)
 * specified in lead

As an update, am happy with the actions/responses so far, although they are little slow in happening, that's fine (afaic). I do think the article will someday be FA, but it does need structural tweaking, and is in bad need of expansion in describing his style. Although it might seem like this has stalled, would appreciate if this could be left open for another week or two; I might get an energy burst and start adding the sources have been reading for the last month. I think its clear from those commenting so far (and their usual topics of interest) that the article would strike a deep cord with a lot of people and that there is goodwill towards the effort, and have the feeling it would be heavily read if on main page. Ceoil (talk) 10:41, 23 April 2022 (UTC)
 * Presumably the lithographs came before the Conversation series. This was muddled and not clear, but have reordered the two sections given (your) descriptions of his condition during the respective periods. Please check. Ceoil (talk) 01:45, 9 April 2022 (UTC)
 * Stopping here for now as Wetrorave's ask for expansion on the paintings below is similar to mine above. Ceoil (talk) 22:19, 6 April 2022 (UTC)

DMT Biscuit
More comments TBA
 * "He moved to London in 1962 and married the art historian Patricia Redmond in 1965." - how relevant towards the lede is this?


 * "before returning to London in 1975." - see above.


 * I agree with Ceoil, publication seems like a misnomer. Maybe explain the relationship between Utermohlen and the journal.


 * "He experienced memory loss beginning in 1991" → "He experienced memory loss, which began in 1991.


 * "which included two years in the Caribbean" - relevance?


 * wikilink Margaret Lock
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 00:43, 18 April 2022 (UTC)


 * Italicize The Times and provide Tulle's credentials in prose; is she an art historian, anthropologist or physician?


 * "Illness" → "Alzheimers", just as we say death rather than pass away
 * Done. Realmaxxver (talk) 20:07, 18 April 2022 (UTC)


 * "Chris Boicos, Utermohlen's art dealer, said that the subject matter of the lithographs were a metaphor for the forthcoming Alzheimer's disease diagnosis a year later" - admittedly, I am somewhat lost with this. Is it implying that Utermohlen was aware/surmised that he was in falling into the thralls of dementia? If he was aware/foresaw and the metaphor is intentional then that should be reflected by the prose.


 * "took him to the doctor" - informal; either mention the practitioner's field (physician, psychiatrist, neurologist) or just explain that they sought medical care.
 * Already done by Ceoil. Realmaxxver (talk) 00:43, 18 April 2022 (UTC)

Comments from Wetrorave
Since you gave such a thorough review on Everywhere at the End of Time, it's only fair that I do the same. Will add comments soon enough. Reviewing per WP:FACR of course. Wetrorave please don't 4 April 2022 13:16, 4 April 2022 (UTC)
 * 1a is reasonably met after my copyedits. You may want to read Writing better articles. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)
 * 1b is one I'm not too certain of. I think the sections Early life and Death could be more comprehensive; the Find sources template at the Talk page should help with this. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)
 * The Death section was initially a paragraph in the "Alzheimer's disease and death" section, but was moved into a separate section during the second FAC. I've merged that section into that bigger section. With the Early life section, The Studio 360 source and the Philadelphia Inquirer source could expand it. Realmaxxver (talk) 17:39, 12 April 2022 (UTC)


 * 1c is met; all sources seem high-quality and the vast majority of sentences are referenced. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)
 * 1d is met, not much to say here. The article presents a neutral POV. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)
 * 1e is met. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)
 * 1f is met per earwig's copyvio detector. All copied sentences are quoted and simple sentences such as "Utermohlen was born in December" are fine to include without quotes. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)


 * 2a, 2b, and 2c are all met, though the lead may need to be changed per 1b. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)


 * 3 is not met. This article could definitely include more of Utermohlen's paintings, especially from his earlier cycles (most per pd 1927-1977 criteria). Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)


 * 4 is met. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)

I think the biggest problems of this article is that it needs some expanding and addition of more of Utermohlen's paintings. I'd love to see both this and EATEOT featured though. Wetrorave please don't 5 April 2022 16:42, 5 April 2022 (UTC)

Coordinator note
This has been open for more than three weeks and has yet to pick up a support. Unless it shows signs of a consensus starting to form over the next three or four days I am afraid that it will have to be archived. You may wish to ping the reviewers who have commented so far for further opinions. Gog the Mild (talk) 12:37, 25 April 2022 (UTC)

Hog Farm Talk 14:22, 29 April 2022 (UTC)