Wikipedia:Humor/Scratch (programming language)

Scratch is a freemium programming language designed to make people cry and give up on all computer science, run by the Scratch Team, who want people to whine and cry about programming. The program is heavilly moderated to increase depression rates across the world. It was created in 1967. Scratch is currently mandatory (although illegally enforced) worldwide except in a specific area in Yellowstone National Park. Scratch is also a secret organization trying to gain control of the world with their five staff members and uses lots of evil techniques so that the kids get addicted to the website.

Goals
The creator of Scratch, Andres, has set up goals involving Scratch. Such goals include increasing the number of internet trolls on social networking platforms, money laundering, world domination, promotion of vulgarities to children, money laundering, bribery, and banning children for being unable to code a simple game. Scratch also utilises a currency called energy units, which is extracted from "projects" and used to take over the world in a movie-like fashion. As of 2024, the Scratch Team harnessed 9 billion energy units.

Scratch also enslaves "mentors" to work on projects at the speed of light, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The Scratch Team also allows people to join them, provided that they are a cat, pony, furry or Chris Pratt.

History
The Scratch Team was created by a goddess named Flametra, who viewed cats as superior to humankind. She instructed the group to find a way to get enough energy to take over the world as quick as possible. Since then, the Scratch Team has collected over 8 billion energy units, and currently collecting more for their inevitable takeover of the world.

Lack of diversity
Some people have complained about the lack of diversity in the Scratch Team because they are completely full of cats. There have been suggestions to add rabbits and kumquats, but the people who suggested those were banned from Scratch.

Unnotified laying off of mentors
There are claims of mentors being laid off by the Scratch Team for not making projects as fast as they expected, using the hashtag #ScratchIsAnAbsoluteSweatshop. The Scratch Team responded by denying such allegations.