Wikipedia:Peer review/1920 Akron Pros season/archive1

1920 Akron Pros season
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I wanted help trying to get this article to become a "good article". I wanted to know is there anything that should be expanded, added and/or taken away. Also, I was wondering if the lead section is written well enough or if it is messed up. Finally, I wanted someone who is a lot better than me in English to proofread it to see if there are any grammar and/or spelling mistakes,

Thanks, Michael Jester (talk) 05:46, 29 May 2011 (UTC)

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement with an eye to GAN. I think it needs some work before it would pass as a GA.
 * A model article is useful for ideas and examples to follow. There are several GAs involving professional football team seasons - see 1973 Buffalo Bills season, 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers season, 1979 Tampa Bay Buccaneers season, 1986 New York Giants season, 1986 Tampa Bay Buccaneers season, 1987 Tampa Bay Buccaneers season, 1990 New York Giants season, and 2008 Pittsburgh Steelers season
 * I think the lead needs to make it clearer that their "perfect season" still had three ties - I think today most people think of a perfect season as no losses and no ties.
 * The Perfect season article says in part that In 1972, the NFL retrospectively altered its standings to treat tied games as being worth half of a win - so, these four teams are no longer recorded as having the perfect 1.000 percentage. Assuming this is correct, it should be mentioned in this article too - their modern record is not 1.000.
 * Similarly, the Brunswick-Balke Collender Cup article says in part  Even though the Pros were given the trophy in 1920, the league lost track of the event and for a long time published in its own record books that the 1920 championship was undecided. It took until the 1970s for the NFL to remember its early vote on awarding the Akron Pros the 1920 championship. and this article does not mention this. Again if it is true, this should be mentioned.
 * There are several places that need references. For example Three other teams accumulated a perfect regular season record, but lost in the post-season: the 1934 Chicago Bears, losing the 1934 NFL Championship Game; the 1942 Chicago Bears, losing the 1942 NFL Championship Game; and the 2007 New England Patriots, losing Super Bowl XLII. needs a ref.
 * The whole Offseason section is only one paragraph and has no refs, but needs at least one.
 * The whole Post season section also has no refs.
 * My rule of thumb is that every quote, every statistic, every extraordinary claim and every paragraph needs a ref.
 * Make sure that the article uses reliable sources - what makes current ref 7 a RS? 1920: The Year in Football". The-Kramer Family. http://www.the-kramerfamily.com/1920PACKERS-YEAR.html. Retrieved May 14, 2011. By the way the link is now a redirect to a different website, but it still does not indicate why it is a RS.
 * Article could use a copyedit - just in the lead '' They did not allow a score until the eight[h] week of the season. The Akron Pros played in the Ohio League from 1908-1919 until the APFA (which would be changed to [bacame] the National Football League (NFL) in 1922)
 * This sentence does not make sense ''The APFA consisted of teams from the APFA, the NYPFL, and independent teams.
 * I would move the team picture up to the lead, per WP:LEAD
 * Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch &gt;&lt;&gt; &deg; &deg; 04:28, 10 June 2011 (UTC)