Wikipedia:Peer review/1989 (Taylor Swift album)/archive1

1989 (Taylor Swift album)
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to take this directly to FAC instead of GAN beforehand. I'm aware that for FA the article's prose needs to be brilliant, so I hope fellow reviewers can be really critical and constructive :). Thanks in advance, HĐ (talk) 09:20, 19 February 2019 (UTC)


 * Comments from Aoba47
 * For this part (during which time contemporary critics had), I believe you could drop "time" as it is not necessary.
 * This sentence (Songwriting for the album commenced in mid-2013, during which time contemporary critics had noted her fourth studio album Red for its mild departure from Swift's signature country sound and incorporation of straightforward pop production, a result of her collaborations with Swedish producers Max Martin and Shellback.) is rather long and takes up a sizable portion of the paragraph. I would consider separating this into two smaller sentences.
 * Something about this sentence (Martin served as executive producer alongside Swift in overseeing the coalition of the album.) seems overly word to me. I think that by definition any executive producer is responsible for "overseeing the coalition of the album". I would just cut down the sentence to something like (Martin and Swift were the executive producers). I have a similar issue with this sentence (the former also served as executive producer alongside Swift in overseeing the coalition of the record).
 * For this part (while the musical direction garnered polarized response), would it be fair to say "the more pop musical direction)? I think it would be helpful to clarify this somewhat as it is somewhat vague in its current form.
 * I rewrote the first two paragraphs of the lead


 * For this part (American singer-songwriter Taylor Swift released her fourth studio album Red in October 2012), I do not believe you need the descriptive phrase "American singer-songwriter).
 * Removed


 * For this part (to courage to indulge in the big city), I would just say "city". Something about describing New York City as "the big city" seems slightly too informal to me.
 * Removed


 * I have a question for this sentence (To bolster album sales, Swift had tie-ins with Subway, Keds and Diet Coke.). Almost all of the tie-ins are linked except for Diet Coke. Is there a reason for this?
 * Whoops it was just my incompetence; added the link


 * There is a deprecated parameter in References 55, 147, and 229. It is something about the subscription part, but I am not entirely certain what it means.
 * Apparently there was something wrong with Cite web; I'll try to find some alternations to this

Great work with the article. This is what jumps out for me when reading it. I hope this helps somewhat. Aoba47 (talk) 17:27, 24 April 2019 (UTC)
 * I would try to contact the opposition voter from the first FAC as they will probably be more helpful than me in pointing out areas where the article can be improved.
 * Thanks for the comments :) Hoping this PR will attract more attention — HĐ (talk) 08:55, 26 April 2019 (UTC)