Wikipedia:Peer review/1995 British Grand Prix/archive1

===1995 British Grand Prix===

This peer review discussion has been closed. I hope to get this article to Featured Article status at some stage. Any comments are welcomed, and it may be helpful to look at 1995 Pacific Grand Prix, 1995 Japanese Grand Prix, 1995 European Grand Prix and 1995 Brazilian Grand Prix for examples of higher-standard Formula One race report articles from this season.

Regarding the images, I'm hoping to get some more event-specific ones uploaded soon, if I get the Flickr user's permission to do so. (Update: these images have now been added.) I would also appreciate it if people could tell me if they can see the Silverstone circuit map clearly, which isn't displaying properly for me.

Thanks, -- Midgrid  (talk)  17:36, 21 September 2009 (UTC) :Note: Because of its length, this peer review is not transcluded. It is still open and located at Peer review/1995 British Grand Prix/archive1.


 * Peer Review by Darth Newdar (talk)

I hope you don't mind me giving you some of my thoughts. Do question any of my comments, though! I have the same problem with the circuit map – although it's fine after clicking on it.

Lead


 * "Despite being held up behind the slower Ferrari until it pitted, Schumacher used a more favourable one-stop strategy to move ahead of Hill, who made two pit stops for fuel and tyres, when the latter made his second stop on lap 41." I would suggest a re-jig to this sentence, because I was confused when reading it, having to go back and re-read the sentence to work out who "the latter" was. My suggestion would be, "While Hill made two pit stops for fuel and tyres, Schumacher used a more favourable one-stop strategy, which enabled him to overtake Hill on lap 41."
 * I've shortened the last clause of the sentence to simply "on lap 41".-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

Background


 * "The Constructors' Championship was closer, with Benetton on 48 points leading Ferrari and Williams on 43 and 42 points respectively." I wouldn't have said 11 points was that huge a margin in the Drivers' Championship.
 * Indeed not, but the WCC was still closer than the WDC! ;) -- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Very true! Darth Newdar  talk  15:08, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "There was one driver change going into the event: the Footwork team's lead driver, Gianni Morbidelli, was replaced by compatriot Massimiliano Papis, an International Formula 3000 race winner and the defunct Lotus team's test driver the previous year." I would add "during" after "driver", to read, "There was one driver change going into the event: the Footwork team's lead driver, Gianni Morbidelli, was replaced by compatriot Massimiliano Papis, an International Formula 3000 race winner and the defunct Lotus team's test driver during the previous year."
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Morbidelli was kept on as the team's test driver, and later returned to racing action at the Pacific Grand Prix." It might be worth pointing out that Morbidelli returned during the same season; the current sentence seems to imply that it happened years later.
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Hill's future was also uncertain, as was his team-mate David Coulthard, due to the McLaren team possessing an option on his services for 1996." I think you need "Coulthard's".
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Several cars had made modifications to their cars in preparation for the event." Very clever of them. Obviously, F1 cars have gone backwards since then. :) I think you mean "teams", instead of the first instance of cars.#
 * It's always amazing how many typing errors a fresh pair of eyes can spot! Done.--  Midgrid  (talk)
 * "Further down the field, the Forti team introduced the revised version of its FG01 chassis for Roberto Moreno that lead driver Pedro Diniz had first driven at the preceding French Grand Prix." I believe that a comma is needed, or would at least make it easier for the reader, after "Moreno".
 * Split into two sentences.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "As part of the Williams team's own preparations for the race, Hill tested a Williams FW17 equipped with metal, rather than standard carbon-fibre,..." Does carbon fibre need the hyphen? The article on carbon fibre does without it.
 * I think so, as it was an adjective, but it wasn't too clear so I've reordered the sentence.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:22, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

Practice and qualifying
 * "Schumacher - who had increased the level of downforce on his car to compensate for the understeer, only to find that the reduction in his straightline speed was too great - was demoted to second position, but was confident that he and the team could improve the car's handling for Saturday's session." Apterygial told me that dashes should be & ndash; (without the space between the & and the n) to look like this: –
 * I've chosen to use em dashes throughout the article, but that should have been one as well, so I've changed it.-- Midgrid  (talk)  19:58, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Coulthard was more than 0.8 seconds slower than Hill in third place, and blamed the strong crosswinds for making his car feel very nervous at the rear end." Is "nervous" a direct quote? If so, I think it should probably be in quotes. If not, it sounds like a strange thing to say.
 * Changed to "unstable".-- Midgrid  (talk)  19:58, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Saturday free practice took place in mixed weather conditions: the session was initially dry, but then was hit by a rain shower and the track was not fully dry by its conclusion; the times were thus slower and more spread out down the field than the previous day." I would suggest switching "then" and "was" around to read: "... the session was initially dry, but was then hit by a rain shower..."
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  19:58, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Coulthard set the quickest time of the session with a lap of 1:29.752, ahead of Schumacher, Alesi, Salo, Hill, Barrichello, Brundle, Badoer, Irvine and Frentzen completing the top ten." In this sentence, "completing the top ten" should be dropped.
 * Looks like a sentence which changed in my head as I was writing it! I mention Salo's position shortly before, so I've changed tweaked the sentence accordingly.-- Midgrid  (talk)  19:58, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * At the end of the Practice and qualifying section, it might be worth putting something about the eventual result of the qualifying discussions.
 * Done. Do you think it needs to be sourced, or is the fact sufficiently known?--  Midgrid  (talk)  19:58, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I guess a source might help, as you're taking it to FA. Darth Newdar  talk  15:10, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  16:36, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

Race
 * "Whilst on a reconnaissance lap, Montermini performed an illegal practice start, for which Pacific were given a fine of $5,000, suspended for three races." Insert and after "$5,000,", and I would also suggest adding that they were "suspended from the World Championship; the sentence would now be: "Whilst on a reconnaissance lap, Montermini performed an illegal practice start, for which Pacific were given a fine of $5,000, and suspended from the World Championship for three races."
 * The fine was suspended, not the team. I've adjusted the sentence to make this clearer.--  Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * The classic case of a sentence where the reader can get completely the wrong idea! :) Darth Newdar  talk  15:12, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "On the second lap, Irvine tried to pass Panis at the Abbey chicane, but spun in the process and dropped further back, shortly before his engine cut out for good, making him the first retirement of the race." You say his "engine cut out for good"; where else did it cut out? I would make it just cut out.
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "Elsewhere in the field, Berger passed Brundle and Montermini moved ahead of Diniz." This sentence, maybe, could do with a little tinkering; gramatically it's fine, but I orginally read it as "Berger passed Brundle and Montermini", and was then confused as to what "moved ahead of Diniz" meant. I was forced to go back and re-read the sentence to work out the meaning. Of course, that might just be me :) I, personally, would add a comma after "Brundle".
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "For his part, Schumacher was held up by Alesi but unable to get close enough to attempt an overtaking manoeuvre due to the aerodynamic turbulence created by the Ferrari." I think you need a comma after "manoeuvre", to read "For his part, Schumacher was held up by Alesi but unable to get close enough to attempt an overtaking manoeuvre, due to the aerodynamic turbulence created by the Ferrari."
 * Expanded slightly and split into two sentences.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "On the same lap, Montermini pitted from 19th place, which he maintained." Maintained to when? He retired, so how did he maintain it?
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "By this stage Häkkinen and Berger and risen to fourth and fifth respectively, but both retired on lap 21:..." Change and to had, to read "By this stage Häkkinen and Berger had risen to fourth and fifth respectively, but both retired on lap 21:..."
 * "...the former's McLaren suffering a progressive electronic problem which caused its hydraulic system to fail; the latter pulling off the track shortly after making his first pit stop due to an incorrectly fitted left-front wheel." I would prefer the drivers' names to "the former" and "the latter".
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "The remaining two-stoppers pitted on laps 21 and 22: Herbert came in from third place and retained his position by rejoining ahead of Alesi and Coulthard; Blundell dropped from fourth to seventh, Gachot retained 16th; and Barrichello and Panis made their first scheduled stops, the former dropping from seventh to eighth and the latter rejoining in 11th from ninth." Same point as above: for me, stating the drivers' names is preferable, but maybe that's just me.
 * I'd prefer to keep the pronouns in this case, as this example is shorter than the previous one, and reiterating Barrichello and Panis's names again is a touch too repetitive, in my opinion. Would "the Jordan" and "the Ligier" be better than "the former" and "the latter"?--  Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * For me, yes. Darth Newdar  talk  15:15, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  16:36, 27 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "On the next lap Frentzen dropped from sixth to eighth position as a result of his sole stop and then was passed by Panis four laps later..." I would add a comma after "stop", and also switch then and was, to read, "On the next lap Frentzen dropped from sixth to eighth position as a result of his sole stop, and was then passed by Panis four laps later..."
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "On lap 46, Hill attempted a passing manoeuvre at Stowe corner, but was stymied by the presence Boullion's lapped Sauber." You need of after "presence", to read, "On lap 46, Hill attempted a passing manoeuvre at Stowe corner, but was stymied by the presence of Boullion's lapped Sauber."
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:14, 26 September 2009 (UTC)

Post-race
 * "Herbert's maiden Formula One victory was very popular, because not only was it at his home race, but it also came after a series of setbacks earlier in his career, not least a serious accident in an International Formula 3000 at Brands Hatch in 1988 that left him with severe foot injuries which threatened his racing career." Two things here: firstly, I would delete at from "not only was it at his home race"; secondly, I think race would be worth adding after "International Formula 3000". After this, the sentence would read: "Herbert's maiden Formula One victory was very popular, because not only was it his home race, but it also came after a series of setbacks earlier in his career, not least a serious accident in an International Formula 3000 race at Brands Hatch in 1988 that left him with severe foot injuries which threatened his racing career." I have also wondered whether it might be better to change the sentence to "Herbert's maiden Formula One victory was very popular, not only because it was his home race, but also because it came after a series of setbacks earlier in his career, not least a serious accident in an International Formula 3000 race at Brands Hatch in 1988 that left him with severe foot injuries which threatened his racing career." However, I am not so confident about this, so you decide which version is better.
 * Done.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:18, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * "The majority of attention, however, was focussed on the aftermath of the collision between Schumacher and Hill on lap 46." Focussed, according to my dictionary, is an alternative spelling; not wrong, but the single 's' option is preferred – so focused. This article says the same thing.
 * You learn something new every day! My dictionary only says that there are two alternate spellings, not mentioning that one is preferred. Changed accordingly.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:18, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Actually, I just checked Wiktionary, which says that "focussed" is the British English spelling, and "focused" is American English. If this is true, then the former would be preferred.-- Midgrid  (talk)  20:20, 26 September 2009 (UTC)
 * I have now checked my other two dictionaries; these list both versions, without saying one is American, or saying one is preferred. So there you go :) Your choice, I think. Darth Newdar  talk  15:20, 27 September 2009 (UTC)

I hope this is helpful. Darth Newdar talk  14:45, 22 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Many thanks for your comments! The photos I mentioned above are now available, so I'm concentrating on uploading them, but I'll get back to you ASAP.-- Midgrid  (talk)  19:52, 22 September 2009 (UTC)
 * All done now! I must say well done on a fantastic article; I am very impressed with it. Darth Newdar  talk  15:54, 24 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you! :) -- Midgrid  (talk)  20:25, 24 September 2009 (UTC)

Comments from
 * You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC. The sourcing looks good.
 * Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 21:10, 28 September 2009 (UTC)
 * Thank you!-- Midgrid  (talk)  23:14, 28 September 2009 (UTC)