Wikipedia:Peer review/2007 British Grand Prix/archive1

2007 British Grand Prix
I've been working on this article since the race and it's filled out nicely. I'm looking for any constructive feedback in order to improve this article to get it to a FA status. This includes pointers on any verifiability issues, and also specifically looking at the prose, I need really good criticism on that in order to improve the readability. T. Moitie [ talk ] 15:52, 9 July 2007 (UTC)

"Following British driver Lewis Hamilton's win at the 2007 Canadian Grand Prix, circuit director Richard Phillips reported that ticket sales had 'gone through the roof'. Phillips added that he 'haven't seen this level of interest since Mansell-mania in the late 80s and early 90s'.[3]"
 * Lede - While I personally like how it's written in the article, I have concern that this part of the lede won't pass through as being part of an encyclopedic article, only because it quotes someone in a news format:
 * Guroadrunner 18:46, 11 July 2007 (UTC)


 * Pre-race - I've moved the Red Bull Wings Of Charity info to the 2nd graf and added numerical bullets. The info on StepneyGate and the Red Bull charity are choppily meshed together - no flow to the writing, just two pieces of information sitting there. I numerically bulleted them to mix it, but that harms, not helps, the article. Also, it may be useful if we have a StepneyGate article to link to in this case (I know I said not to write one, but it is worthwhile to add to the race report in some sense, and use a SeeAlso link in that area.) Guroadrunner 18:52, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
 * Wings of Charity - update needed. If the goal was $1 mil before the race, did they reach their goal by race time? Guroadrunner 18:53, 11 July 2007 (UTC)
 * I removed the number points, they were awful. The idea of that section is the 2 events that lead up to the race. They are clearly separated by paragraphs. It shouldn't go into too much detail, just background to the race. When we decide what to do with the Stepney situation (StepneyGate is a rather silly name for it), I'll link to the appropriate article that goes into more detail, but I think only a Wikilink inside the prose is reasonable. T. Moitie [ talk ] 21:13, 11 July 2007 (UTC)


 * Need better meshing/flow. I'll give it a go. Guroadrunner 22:50, 12 July 2007 (UTC)


 * Final results - I've modified the fact that Massa and Sato started from the pits. They started at two different places. They were:
 * Massa started from pitlane; Sato started from garage.
 * Better wording than what I gave it probably would help. A source also would be needed and a good source is http://www.planet-f1.com/story/0,18954,3213_2482729,00.html -- Guroadrunner 19:16, 11 July 2007 (UTC)