Wikipedia:Peer review/2008 Philadelphia Phillies season/archive1

2008 Philadelphia Phillies season

 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.
 * A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for November 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I've spent a lot of serious time trying to keep this article in shipshape condition for the entire baseball season. It's certainly significant because the Phillies won the World Series, and I've tried to reference and maintain everything that's in here. I want to take this article to GA after going through PR. Thanks, KV5  •  Squawk box  •  Fight on!  01:27, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

I'd like to offer a couple of suggestions.
 * Comments by Monowi

1.) I noticed the use of adjectives like "strongly" and "poorly" in the article. For example, the first sentence of the second paragraph of the lead currently says, "Philadelphia opened the season strongly...." In light of the Neutral point of view policy, I would suggest leaving out words like strongly and poorly. I like to think of Wikipedia as a place were facts and references are presented, and it's up to the reader to draw their own conclusions. Words like "poorly" might unintentionally bring bias into the article.
 * The problem with this issue is that the article begins to look like a robot posted statistics for 162 games. I can certainly temper the lead a bit, but being a Phillies article and relevant to this particular season, especially considering that the Phillies had their share of struggles this year, it makes sense to say when the team was hot or cold, all things considered. KV5  •  Squawk box  •  Fight on!  14:16, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

2.) The last sentence of the "Retentions" section needs to be moved up into the paragraph above it.
 * This was to separate players and coaches, but I certainly have no problem combining them. KV5  •  Squawk box  •  Fight on!  14:16, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

3.) For some of the specific games during the season, the reference link goes to the MLB.com Gameday page. While this is a great start, the reader would be better served with a weblink to a page that clearly contains the info cited. For example, current reference #58 is for a recap of what happened during Game 3 of the NLDS. The reference link specifically needs to go to either the MLB.com article by Ken Mandel or Adam McCalvy, or the webpage that actually lists the full boxscore. As a side note, if in future edits on other articles you're looking for seasons or games that happened in 2007 or earlier, you might also consider using boxscores posted on Retrosheet.org. Retrosheet is a resource that has been determined reliable by other editors during my work with the Ozzie Smith article.
 * These pages do clearly contain the information cited; the full box score is located at the bottom of the page, which is why I use it as a reference. KV5  •  Squawk box  •  Fight on!  14:16, 10 November 2008 (UTC)

If I get the chance, I'll try to look at the article again, but I hope these suggestions prove valuable too you for the time being. Cheers, Monowi (talk) 05:28, 10 November 2008 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your comments. KV5  •  Squawk box  •  Fight on!  14:16, 10 November 2008 (UTC)