Wikipedia:Peer review/5th Avenue Theatre/archive1

5th Avenue Theatre
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Thanks, SkotyWATC 21:42, 19 June 2010 (UTC)

Brianboulton comments: My current commitments are such that I will have to review this in stages. Here are some comments on the lead and "Architecture" section:-
 * Lead
 * First paragraph. The first paragraph of the lead should largely confine itself to defining the subject and summarising why it is notable. Incidental information, e.g. "The building and land is owned by the University of Washington and was once part of the original campus" should not be in the first paragraph. I would like to see this opening paragraph slightly reordered, thus:-

"The 5th Avenue Theatre (often referred to as 5th Avenue or the 5th) is a landmark theater located in Seattle, Washington, USA. It has hosted a variety of theatre productions and motion pictures since it opened in 1926. It is operated by the non-profit 5th Avenue Theatre Association as a venue for nationally touring Broadway and original shows. The theatre, located at 1308 Fifth Avenue in the historic Skinner Building, has been listed on the U.S. National Register of Historic Places since 1978."
 * Second paragraph
 * "2138-seat" needs a hyphen
 * "the resident home of" would be more idiomatic
 * "non-profit" is an adjective, needs a noun, e.g. "non-profit organization"
 * Third paragraph
 * To when does "currently" refer? Better to be time-specific, e.g. "As of 2010..."
 * Delete the first "and" from this opening sentence.
 * "testing ground" is a sufficiently well-used expression not to require quotes.
 * Final sentence is somewhat clumsily phrased. Does 61,000 (a rather strange number) refer just to students or to everybody? The grouping of "students, professional performers, and audiences" is puzzling. Suggest rephrase for greater clarity.
 * Architecture
 * I'm not sure how a building can "range from five to eight stories". I presume this means that a part of the building extends to five stories; I would word thus: "...an historic office block of up to eight stories..."
 * "the theatre is surrounded on three sides" reads oddly. Having said that the theatre is within the office block, this phrase seems unnecessary; "the theatre's entry faces its namesake avenue" would be sufficient.
 * I have copyedited the second paragraph a little. The phrase "was modeled to reproduce" seems clumsy. Why not just "reproduced"?
 * "distinguishes itself" → "distinguishes it"
 * Some of the detail seems rather lightly cited. For example, the fourth paragraph has no citation after the first sentence. I imagine that these details are all sourced from ref 2, and if so the citation should appear at the end if the paragraph.
 * Three images may be one too many for this section; the lion image looks dispensible. Maybe two, one left and one right, would avoid the text appearing crowded?

I'll return soon with comments on the rest. Brianboulton (talk) 20:53, 29 June 2010 (UTC)