Wikipedia:Peer review/A Rugrats Chanukah/archive1

A Rugrats Chanukah
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to get it to FAC. Almost all of the sources are offline, so I do not believe there are any issues with RS, but any structural or grammar corrections the reviewer catches would be appreciated (please note I have asked a copyeditor to copyedit the article, so the grammar fixes will probably be fixed once that happens)

Thanks in advance,  The Flash  {talk} 16:10, 15 November 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This sounds like a fun episode. I have just a few suggestions for improvement.

Lead
 * "The plot of the special sees the babies visiting a synagogue with Grandpa Boris and learning the story of Hanukkah, imagining themselves as the people featured in it." - Since plots don't see, this might be better: "The plot involves a visit by the babies, accompanied by Grandpa Boris, to a synagogue. While there, they learn the story of Hanukkah and imagine themselves as the main characters." Or something like that.
 * ✅  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "The idea of making a Rugrats Hanukkah special was pitched to the crew in 1992... " - Since "pitched" is slang, perhaps "suggested" would be better.
 * Are you sure that it is slang? Its a common term in animation, television, and media in general. I, for one, have never considered "pitching the story" as a slang term; could you explain to me why its slang?  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)
 * You could be right, as in "sales pitch". Maybe "pitching" could be linked to Pitch (filmmaking), even though that short explanation is, alas, unsourced. It would improve the encyclopedia if you could find and add a good source to the "pitch (filmmaking)" article; then the link would be more meaningful. Finetooth (talk) 06:37, 22 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Done. I'll get to sourcing that page is just a few. It shouldn't be too hard, I have a few sources at the top of my head already.  The Flash  {talk} 14:43, 22 November 2009 (UTC)
 * Page has been expanded with extra sources. Check it out.  The Flash  {talk} 15:33, 22 November 2009 (UTC)

Production
 * "the crew began to consider creating the Hanukkah special Nickelodeon originally pitched to them" - Ditto on the slang.
 * "Paramount Home Video began wrapping up production for home-media releases of the episode... " - Slang. Perhaps "finishing" instead of "wrapping up"?
 * ✅  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)

Release and reception
 * "It was repeated twice that night,[14] receiving a Nielsen Rating of 7.9 in the "Kids 2-11" demographic." - I'm not sure why "Kids 2-11" is in quotes. Also, the age range needs an en dash rather than a hyphen.
 * ✅  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "On December 1, 2001, CBS broadcast the episode for the first time on their channel at 8:30 p.m., Eastern time, carrying a TV-Y parental rating." - CBS is an "it" rather than a "they". Thus, "on its channel" would be correct. But shouldn't the word be "network" rather than "channel"?
 * ✅  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)


 * "TV Guide later wrote that "Nickelodeon's Rugrats secured its place in television history" with the episode — "The babies acting out their own version of the story is enough to entertain a child of any religious denomination, so learning the historical meaning behind latkes and dreidels is just an added bonus." - I'm not sure repeating this quote twice&mdash;once here and once in the quote box&mdash;is a good idea.
 * ✅  The Flash  {talk} 06:06, 22 November 2009 (UTC)

I hope these few suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one.