Wikipedia:Peer review/A Rugrats Passover/archive1

A Rugrats Passover
This peer review discussion has been closed. I've listed this article for peer review because I am hoping to take it to FA soon. It is currently a GA and has gone through a copyedit. Any comments on prose, content, or anything at all would be very helpful before I nominated it.

Thanks,  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 00:28, 26 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Definitely a full review coming tomorrow (great timing, Passover starts Monday night!), but here are some quick comments:
 * No period in the lead image caption as it's a fragment (MOS:CAPTION)
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)


 * A couple of links I disagree with; I noticed cell phone and pop culture. I suggest some sort of link audit.
 * I've unlinked about every ambiguous link I could find. Tell me if it's audited enough.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)


 * What makes rugratonline.com ( reliable?
 * Other than being a source of reference for this published book, it's also won an assortment of awards and is featured on the company's website.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)


 * In the references, I think Klasky-Csupo should lost the hyphen to match the linked article's title
 * I'm still unsure why, but ✅ nonetheless.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Consider using Cite press release for references 22 and 40.
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)


 * Is the title of reference 29 (Cox) missing a colon?
 * No, why?  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:36, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

These are just rapid fire comments, more to come. Mm40 (talk) 02:49, 27 March 2010 (UTC)

Sorry it took me so long to get back, here are more comments. Mm40 (talk) 02:20, 3 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Lead
 * The first paragraph should mention the year the episode was first broadcast somewhere
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The first two sentences of the second paragraph are sort of monotonous. I'm not sure if there's a way to reword it, though.
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * There shouldn't be a comma after "conceived in 1992"
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "when writer Germain" – his name is given two sentences earlier
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "by mooting a" I've never heard "mooting" before. I'm all for using fancy words, but I think a simple "wrote" or "thought of" works best here
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Nickelodeon is linked twice in the second paragraph
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "Jewish" is linked on the second mention and not on the first
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Plot summary
 * the Pickles family are gathering" → "the Pickles family is gathering" or "the Pickles family gathers"
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "they should use for the Seder "
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * The article has both "pharaoh of Egypt" and "Pharaoh of Egypt" (note the capitalization)
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "The episode now pictures Tommy" I think "then" would be better than "next"
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * You can unlink shepherd and specify "plagues" to Plagues of Egypt
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "leads out her remaining army" why is it remaining?
 * The Plagues lost her some soldiers.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Production
 * Is there a better picture than the one of Hollywood, such as one of the people involved in writing the episode?
 * No writers, but I've added an image of Melanie Chartoff, who voiced both Didi and Minka in the episode.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "regular episodes of the series generally" there's redundancy in "regular ... generally", so you can take out the latter word
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "Let My Babies Go!: A Passover Story" the colon should be removed to match its article (note that this change also needs to be made in the Legacy section)
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Themes and Reception
 * I don't think you need a link for nonreligious
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * In what time slot was the episode originally broadcast?
 * No sources to confirm it, no; but it was definitely at night, as it was nominated for a Primetime Emmy.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I suggest merging these two sentences: "...4.8% share of American audiences. This made it the sixth most-watched..."
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "as Nickelodeon's most-viewed only in 1997" why "only"? It's not that long a time, only two years (are you planning on making the Thanksgiving article?)
 * ✅ and yes, eventually.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Why, specifically, did Keller "hate" the episode?
 * He doesn't say, he just says he hates it.  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * "episodes featuring characters Boris and Minka" you can take out "characters", particularly since it's used later in the sentence
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Personally, I would leave "comic strip" and "picture book" unlinked, but it's up to you
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * What year was "Harold's Bar Mitzvah" broadcast
 * ✅ (1997)  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * I'm not fond of reference 37 being after the em-dash. I would prefer a comma: "David N. Weiss, who had recently converted to Judaism,[37] and J. David Stern"
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * References
 * The New Yorker should be italicized in reference 2
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)


 * In reference 37 (Hannah Brown), what does the number on the end mean? If it's a page number (which I assume it is), you should add "p." or something similar before it
 * ✅  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)

That's all I can find, at this point. Another very nice article, and thanks for the memories. Mm40 (talk) 02:20, 3 April 2010 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review, and it was my pleasure. :D  The Flash  I am Jack's   complete   lack of surprise 15:18, 3 April 2010 (UTC)