Wikipedia:Peer review/A Weekend in the City/archive1

A Weekend in the City
This peer review discussion has been closed. Hello, there. Cup 'o tea? Here's the deal: FA criteria + article. Please be ridiculously anal and point out anything and everything that needs to change to be ready for FAC. Much obliged, Rafablu88  09:58, 21 August 2009 (UTC)

Finetooth comments: This is interesting and generally well-done. I have suggestions about a few issues related to prose and the Manual of Style.

Lead
 * Computer programs were extensively used to enrich and amend recorded takes, while a string sextet were hired to perform on some of the tracks. A Weekend in the City was crafted by chief lyricist Kele Okereke to examine life and leisure in modern cities by drawing ideas from issues such as drug abuse, sexuality, and terrorism. These themes are exemplified by the three singles: "The Prayer", "I Still Remember", and "Hunting for Witches". - Some use of passive voice can't avoided and in some cases it may be better than active. However, active is generally stronger and less wordy. Suggestion: The band used computer programs extensively to enrich and amend recorded takes and hired a string sextet to perform on some of the tracks. Chief lyricist Kele Okereke crafted A Weekend in the City, which examined life and leisure in modern cities by drawing ideas from topics such as drug abuse, sexuality, and terrorism. The three singles, "The Prayer", "I Still Remember", and "Hunting for Witches", exemplified these themes.


 * "A Weekend in the City was generally treated as an important stepping stone for the band members in their quest for musical maturity and was included by The Guardian as one of the 1000 Albums To Hear Before You Die." - Another passive. Suggestion: "Critics generally treated A Weekend in the City as an important stepping stone for the band members in their quest for musical maturity, and The Guardian included it as one of the 1000 Albums to Hear Before You Die."
 * DONE, mostly. Some of the passive is needed I think.

Origins
 * "player by using only guitar riffs" - Wikilink riffs?
 * "several songs were critiques of the fact that most aspects of mainstream society cater to a solitary conservative view" - Even though this is sourced, it seems like a strange thing to say. Is this a fact? What are "aspects of mainstream society"? What is "a solitary conservative view"? At the very least, none of this is clear, and it seems highly suspect as a statement of fact.
 * "that developed between the two parties whilst recording the demo song" - "While" rather than "whilst"?
 * "Prior the studio sessions, Bloc Party listened to varied musical sources" - Missing word? "Prior to"?
 * DONE

Studio sessions
 * "A makeshift booth was built around the back of the drum kit to reduce any sonic inference" - Wikilink drum kit?
 * "The miking scheme was crucial... " - Wikilink miking"?
 * "the sound was often processed further using distressors" - Should distressors be explained or linked?
 * "Once the basic tracks were recorded, other unconventional effects were tried by the band and the production staff." - Flip to active?
 * "Tong performed some rhythmic patterns whilst his kit was re-amped and the band often played sections improvised and live whilst a brick" - "While" and "while"
 * DONE

Promotion and release
 * "A low-quality rip... " - Wikilink rip?
 * "The photograph is an aerial image of London's Westway, with the road and the adjacent sports pitches lit by the sodium glow of street lamps... " - "With" is a weak conjunction. Suggestion: "The photograph is an aerial image of London's Westway that shows the road and the adjacent sports pitches lit by the sodium glow of street lamps..."
 * DONE

Content
 * "The lyricists has noted... " - Lyricist?
 * "Okereke has described him as a "cousin" due to their respective Nigerian mothers being good friends." - Suggestion: "Okereke has described him as a "cousin" because their Nigerian mothers were good friends."
 * DONE

Composition
 * "Moakes has pointed that the original sound check of "Waiting for the 7.18"... " - "Moakes has said" rather than "Moakes has pointed"?
 * ""On" is also a computer reworked live take." - Wikilink take? Hyphenate "computer-reworked".
 * DONE

"DVD"
 * " 1. The Prayer  2. I Still Remember" - Single song titles in quotation mark here and in many places below?
 * My understanding is that music videos, live performance/DVD tracklists, etc. don't need quotation marks.

Other
 * The dabfinder tool that lives here finds two links that go to disambiguation pages instead of their intended targets.
 * DONE

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 21:17, 28 August 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks for the comments. Will get cracking with these ASAP. Rafablu88  13:18, 31 August 2009 (UTC)
 * Pretty much all sorted apart from a few exceptions as per the replies above. Thanks again. Rafablu88  00:28, 1 September 2009 (UTC)